Hi Sarah,
Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, it doesn't exist and never existed more than just as a thought form.
Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
What is the illusion of a separate self? Well, it is the belief(thought) that there is a separate self, which is taken for granted and never truly investigated to see if it's actually true. When it starts? I have no idea, probably when we are kids, I was told that I am Dani, I am a boy and there is me and the others, so I took it to be real, an image/thought of a "me" got "real". Also, it starts again every morning when I wake up. There is seeing, hearing, feeling and then the "I" claims ownership of the experience saying I am hearing, I am seeing etc.
But once this is not taken for granted and questioned, It started to fade away, in a sense that there is no need to exist a seer for seeing to happen, it happens either way. And then, this is closely tied up to the idea of free will. If there is an I that is believed to be real, this I needs to know it has power and freedom to choose. But when it is seen through the illusion of it, things just happen. There is a stimulus and there is a response. That's it. There is thirst, there is the reaction of garbing the water, without anyone owning or directing the process.
Therefore, there is no guilt and neither pride anymore, knowing that whatever was done, just happened, without an owner of the experience to be held accountable.
How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Somehow ridiculous, because now I see that it was always here what I was looking for. And just the simple idea that I've built around it as a set of expectations (Thoughts should stop, bliss and happiness shall occur etc) was standing in the way of seeing this for what it is. Feels totally the same.
The difference from before starting the dialogue is that there is no expectation to find or reach or gain anything. I also experience some pain in the stomach for a couple of days, which, for a while I assumed it had to do with the concept "i don't control this life", but now while writing, I realize this is again a thought/expectation. So pretty much life now is a series of this "aha" moments, of seeing thoughts for what they are: thoughts.
What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Honestly I have no idea, because as I said, I was just going on a bike and it just happened to see that there is only seeing, hearing etc and thoughts. Probably the fact that I was living completely alone in a new city for one week might have helped. And also that I was feeling I had enough going around with this enlightenment shit.
Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
Anything to add?
Decide, intend, choose, control they are all the same: concepts/thoughts contributing to the idea of a "me" to feel "real" and "in charge of life". No, I don't do any, life just happens. Examples are as said before, there is the sensation of thirst, then the body grabs the water, even if I am engaged in a skype call with my attention. The breathing, sneezing, blood circulation, digestion, coughing, laughing, yawning every process just happens. If there is a question, there comes the answer from my side, without planning or stopping it.
Thoughts are fewer, but still there, and they are taken to be just that: thoughts.
Nothing more to add.
Thanks Sarah,
Dani
