Hello and thank you

[BleedIntoOne]

Thank you for all that you wrote Yeshe. You made some great observations, particularly at the end when you wrote:

So this reaffirms that the solution is not in the mind, that when looking, things are simple and clear; when thinking we enter a world of debate and thought.

Absolutely, yes. So wonderfully stated. Mind and thought are still part of the one totality, the one movement of life, but seeing through the illusion of self is just that, seeing rather than debating and intellectualizing.

Seeing things as they are, rather than as the story we attach to them is what’s key.

Using the mind to undo the mind has the danger of indulging the mind in its relish for argument.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. In this case, I’d say yes ;) And that is okay. It’s part of the process. But it’s time to break this cycle, don’t you think?

If so, whenever you catch yourself trying to figure this out intellectually, come back to simply looking at what is right in front of you.

Focus on what is already obvious!

Instead of looking for what is not there, look at what is.

Again, please:

Instead of looking for what is not there, look at what is.

If frustration, resistance, or anger arise, okay, they arise. They are just another part of the movement of life. They are not personal. Thoughts and stories may arise which try and trick you into believing they are personal, but this can become an invitation to remember to come back to the present moment and look at what is.

You can literally smile at the anger and frustration and say, “Yes. Thank you for being here as a reminder to look at what is. You are appreciated.” Sure, this may feel a bit weird at first because anger and frustration aren’t fun, but if they are what’s happening in the moment, then they are happening in the moment, so why not use them in a constructive manner?

And of course, while doing so, remembering that the use of words like “I” “me” “you” here are just language, there is no separation, no separate self.

Spend the day with this and then write about it.

[Yeshe]

Will do. Thanks Chris!

[Yeshe]

Hi Chris,

There is aware. Awareness. And in aware arise thoughts, emotions, sensations, sounds, colours. Emotions really being intense mental activity + sensations.

Awareness is always present - through thoughts, colours, distractions, whatever. If it were not then there would only be unconsciousness, with no knowledge of the experience of the mental activity/ distraction/ emotion.

But attention can be absorbed in mental activity.

There is confusion as to the role of attention. It feels as though it is a lens within awareness, focussing awareness from inclusive of all to exclusive in one particular object; and so arises the frustration that awareness itself, this pure, expanse of aware, of now, can be so distracted by focussing on mental activity?

And yet, if attention is a facet of the mind, not awareness, then things look completely different. Awareness is aware of what the mind is focussing its attention on along with everything else.

So the frustration. This frustration is just thoughts of course. More mental activity.

In frustration, in anger, in irritation, in stress and exhaustion, that state is now; it is where attention is, where the mind is, and so this is what dominates awareness.

Yes awareness always is, whatever is happening.

Hmm.

Mistaking or expecting attention and aware to be the same, i.e. when attention is focussed in activity, that is the experience, when attention is focussed on awareness, that is the experience.

Attention must be a function of the mind, not awareness.

When looking, there is awareness, very simple.

When in the mind, there is agitation and separation simply by being so focussed in mental activity to the exclusion of everything else.

Of course awareness is aware equally, but the experience of life is very different. And since the experience of being in the mind is dominant, this is the experience primarily of life, i.e. personal, exclusive.

Which requires regularly stopping, looking. Which in itself is a mental activity. The mind stopping itself, letting its attention be unfocussed in simple awareness that permeates everything.

Hmm.

Flipping between awareness of awareness and absorption in mental activity throughout the day. All of which could simply be a result of what the mind is focussing its attention on. All mental activity. All irrelevant!

[Yeshe]

Cant' find a way to edit?

So, in moments of frustration, irritation, etc. being absorbed in the mental state, the thoughts and sensations, but afterwards recognising that awareness must have been equally present then as during peaceful times such as walking the dog. Equally so. Utterly ambivalent. This recognised experientially, afterwards, but when dog walking, driving, etc. during. That feels a difference. But a difference that must reside solely in the mind.

So this all feels like mind games, like the mind needs to understand and probe this from every angle until its attachemnt to its map falls away in the light of experience.

[BleedIntoOne]

Hello Yeshe,

But attention can be absorbed in mental activity.

Let’s look at the word “but” in this sentence. Can you see that when trying to intellectualize this process that there will always be a “but” in one shape or form keeping you away from the experience that is right in front of your face in this very moment? The direct experience of looking and seeing rather than that of playing mental gymnastics and trying to figure it all out.

Is anything wrong with attention going into a story?
Should this not be happening?

A friend recently shared this video with me and it made me think of this conversation, in good fun of course. What he says in it is true though ;) Hope you have a sense of humor.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h046gFG ... e=youtu.be

Hopefully that brought a little levity to the situation.

And now, another link for you. This one has what’s called a “Deep Looking” exercise that I would like you to do. I’m including the link rather than just the practice itself because there’s also a great article that goes along with it, which I’d like you to please read slowly, and two or three times if you have to in order to truly let it sink in and take to heart.

http://markedeternal.blogspot.ca/2013/0 ... oking.html

Please spend at least a day with this and write what comes up, doing your best to not over-intellectualize. Also, please don’t forget to respond to the questions in the beginning of the post as well.

Hope you’re having a nice weekend!

[Yeshe]

Hi Chris, this is good. Some interesting dialogue going on. Leave it with me another day!

[BleedIntoOne]

Absolutely Yehse. I appreciate your thoroughness.

[Yeshe]

Hi Chris,

Thanks for the video. Very good!

Let’s look at the word “but” in this sentence. Can you see that when trying to intellectualize this process that there will always be a “but” in one shape or form keeping you away from the experience that is right in front of your face in this very moment?

Yes absolutely. The mind is grabbing onto anything it can as a “but” and a way to analyse and cogitate more. It’s what gives it identity. Endless analysis.

The direct experience of looking and seeing rather than that of playing mental gymnastics and trying to figure it all out.

Yes, this is the nub of it!

When just looking and seeing directly, mental activity pauses, so there is very clear sense of simple awareness, of being. No self. No doer. So by definition when looking and seeing everything is as it is.

Mental activity seems to occlude looking and seeing because it dominates experience. The TV in the room on full volume.

And yet what is experienced is awareness of mental activity! No thinker - that is really clear. Ha ha.

But it seems there is awareness of being immersed in mental activity afterwards, i.e. during a pause in the mental activity, not NOW, which is the only thing that IS!

It is then clear that awareness was/ is there the whole time, but the experience in mental activity is of mental activity excluding everything else as it is actually happening in the now. It feels like it is life. Which feels like 80% of life.

It is weird that mental activity feels different to any other stimulus. There is visual stimulus all the time, but this doesn’t dominate experience. Probably because it is primarily static. When it is moving, it also comes to the fore. Maybe that’s just the way it is, that mental activity, by its nature of being so changing, so personal and “interesting” will always be the main focus of attention. Hmm.

It is the mental activity which seems to exclude looking and seeing in day to day life. There is the paradox. By looking and seeing, by definition, mental activity is no longer dominant. But looking and seeing takes recognition. Which in itself is a lull in mental activity and the diverting of attention onto awareness itself!

And round and round we go!

It may be the mind itself paying undue attention to itself, not sure. Mind analysing mind!

Is anything wrong with attention going into a story?
Should this not be happening?

No.Thought is a natural phenomenon just like vision and sounds. It is vital to the functioning of this body-mind. Thoughts come and go. That is to be expected. That is natural. It is the very nature of thought! It processes, analyses, stores, replays, projects, regrets, loops, worries. It does a million things, all appearing as individual thoughts, sometimes with a sensation sometimes not. Some more pleasant than others (in itself another thought and labelling).

As noted above it is the dominance of mental activity and its ability to hijack the experience of life that seems unbalanced and at odds with all other experience. Even though thought can only be NOW, it feels like it is a veil, a cloud, in the way of what is. So not thought a problem per se at all, which is completely natural, but the volume and dominance of it. Like tinnitus. It seems to dictate the nature of experience in a way that other kinds of phenomena in awareness simply don’t.

So there is clearly still a resistance to what is, specifically around mental activity, even accepting that thoughts are a wonderful part of the play of life; really how interesting, how magnificent - thoughts, concepts, analysis! But also, this resistance in the form of "hey hey hey, calm down, give the other folk a look in - plenty of people at this party!" We’re missing life RIGHT NOW! There is still an expectation of some level of peace in all this.

And yet there isn’t.

It’s strange.

Awareness itself does not change at all whether thoughts are present or not. Just attention.

I realise I'm saying the same thing over and over!

More on this from the direct looking!

[Yeshe]

Direct Looking

This has been very interesting. “I” have dialogued with “myself” in the past. It can be really helpful for seeing what’s going on. This feels both similar and different in light of what is happening at the moment.

I have actually opened the door to an ongoing dialogue. This is not an exercise that has been done, and on which I am reporting back my findings. I am finding that dialogue is arising naturally here and there, in moments of busyness and in quiet, being able to ask “is there anything that you need or are trying to tell me right now?”, “how are you doing?”. This is hugely powerful.

No massive revelations, but a deepening of connection and understanding of the processes at work. A discussion between “I” as awareness and “you” as the mind, or a process within it.

So without going into the full dialogue, these are the points that came up from direct looking:

- There is a part of the mind, a process within it, which feels doomed to fail; “it always fucks up”, “it never works out”; “it’s bound to fail” “it won’t work for me”; it has no faith in the “liberation” process.
- This mental process has functioned extremely effectively as a protection mechanism growing up - when emotions were too painful, it thought our way through the hard times. It protected, analysed, rationalised. Saved us.
- It still feels this analysis is protective - it doesn’t believe or trust anyone or anything because the world has frequently proved it can’t be trusted. It has good reason to feel this way. It therefore doesn’t trust that this LU process is going to liberate or help. Another false dream.
- What does it want? peace and release. This is where the expectations come from, at least a large part of them. It wants things to change. It’s had enough. It is exhausted. (And therefore the resistance to what is!)
- It has come to identify itself with this processing. The activity of analysing is a form of resisting which gives it identity even though it exhausts it.
- it does not trust the LU process yet and so is still looking, still seeking because it is in analysis that it feels alive.
- i have not asked it to trust me, but to come and look with me, to see if what it is protecting is real. It has agreed.
- In looking it can see there is no self to protect; it sees that clearly. It wants to let go of its habits, but doesn't know how. It is open to the fact that perhaps this is still momentum - habits don't stop immediately. As this resistance is coming up, dialogue is coming up too. "Hey, seems kind of busy in there, anything you need help with?"

I think this is a habitual process, a defence mechanism built up over the years, that is analysing and analysing and finding any loophole it can, any “yeah but”, both because a) it thinks this is helping, by thoroughly checking everything out, but also b) because it makes itself invaluable to the self (which it can now see it has created!) and so it gives it identity.

This mechanism protects in all sorts of ways - in relationship, in work, in life, as a child, as an adult.

Repeating this dialogue over and over, just checking in, is building trust. Looking again and again to build trust that what is being seen is real, to allow this pattern to relax.

Every time "it" looks, every time there is any looking, it is really clear there is no self there. Just thoughts, sensations, perceptions.

But also aware that in looking it is not a sceptical voice all the time, just general mind chatter. But the voice that kicks in when there is general thought noise is the one that says “hey look, chill the fuck out will you” and thereby adds the layer of resistance to what is general thought activity.

In dialogue we’ve identified and laughed that it is this very process of resisting that is creating the feeling of an entity to resist! And the mind seeing that very clearly.

[Yeshe]

And feels important to note, that in writing this, it feels like this is actually words coming from the process itself, endless words and analysis, the same stuff over and over. Keeping the plates spinning. "Hey Chris, look, look at how stuck we are!"

And yet no self, really clear; seen ages ago when we lost the "sense of self". No lingering doubt about that. So really just this process resisting itself and identifying with the resistance! Or something ;)

[Yeshe]

Hi Chris, Just to pick this thread up since the direct looking with Ilona. That was a wonderful experience of connection and honesty between mind and heart. Life is busy and stressful right now so it's primarily lived "in the head", or rather the mind is having constant demands on it, which can make it feel very personal and separate. And definitely far from effortless! There is no self, no feeling of self, but of course old patterns, habits, mental defence structures, and analysis, coping strategies all playing out can give a feeling of separateness. But there is an openness to the dialogue with mind that is ongoing and happening naturally throughout the day. In moments, just naturally asking whether these patterns are working right now, seeing them for what they are, thoughts, and letting the mind itself decide whether they are helpful or whether it would like to try another way. The mind wants peace; it doesn't want to be on the go full pelt. And it is asking for help in that from the heart. And the heart needs space and trust and is asking the mind for that. Between the two greater balance, but understanding for both of them that this is a process, not a switch that can be flicked, and that adjusting to new understanding doesn't automatically stop lifelong habits and processes. And within all that forgiveness and acceptance of the process as it unfolds...

[BleedIntoOne]

So glad you had that session with Ilona and experienced the connection of honesty between the mind and heart. Wonderful to hear!

this is a process, not a switch that can be flicked, and that adjusting to new understanding doesn't automatically stop lifelong habits and processes.

So it’s clear at this point that you understand that there is no-self intellectually, which is good. Very good. What we want to do now is get you to see, and experience, right here, right now, that there absolutely, undeniably is no-self. Not intellectually knowing it, but seeing through the illusion directly. So in that sense, seeing is sort of like a switch that can be flicked as again, seeing can only happen right here and right now. (Not to confuse this with the overall actions of the mind, because in that sense, no, it can't be flicked on and off.)

Then there is an adjustment process after the illusion of self is absolutely seen through in which the lifelong habits and patterns still come and go, but they are seen more clearly as just that, habits and patterns happening. Nothing personal about them.

This is a great short read that has an even shorter practice in it that may be helpful for you as we move forward.

Check it out and let me know what you think!

http://kiloby.com/simple-rest/

and p.s.

And within all that forgiveness and acceptance of the process as it unfolds...

Yes! Wonderful.

[Yeshe]

Hi Chris, Out today. Will get back to you tomorrow!

[BleedIntoOne]

Of course. Take your time and enjoy yourself!

[Yeshe]

I'm still with this Chris. I don't find any differentiation between intellectual knowledge and experience. There is no doer or chooser. Stress and a hectic head can give rise the the same feeling that was labelled "I". The mind still uses I, me, my. Still defends itself, still gets angry, resentful. But also when looking, just thoughts, no thinker. Just sensations, no body. Just colours and sounds and tastes, no world. And then bath and supper time and bedtimes and stories and laundry and work and exhaustion all together and Yeshe and the world arise. And fall.

My wife and children away for a few days and all is very clear and experienced. Recognition of the confusion with high demands of mental activity and a personal limited experience. That which has always been known as self. But able to see through this, just not always at the time.

It seems like we've swapped places - before I was expecting a shift, something to change and you were challenging me on my expectations; and now you seem to be looking for some change or shift and I am dropping expectations and rather looking at what is as it unfolds.

The Scott Kiloby thing is good. I actually do this anyway - I call it a check-in. Or pause. Or holiday. Just seeing what is real for a moment in amongst the hurly burly.

Going to continue with it and explore this nature of intellectual understanding vs experience a bit more. Feel free to fling me any exercises if you think they'd be useful. There is nowhere I feel I need to go, nothing I need to do other than to keep looking at experience in all its many flavours and seeing what is.