Birdman

[Birdman]

Dear Vince!

Birdman wrote:
I have a feeling that maybe it is a beautiful final of our inquiry.
Oh no. Don't go.

It´s not that I want to go, more that I miss the point all the time. It becomes so frustrating and feelings of hopelessness over the whole project arises. And sadness of course over my lack of grasping this matter. Although I know it´s not about "grasping". That becomes even more clear when reading Joan T:s beautiful words. I also love her and Tolles description of the humble, earthly body as a portal to That. Thanks to you I may have seen beyond the compulsion to "know" and "do" - at least to some exetent more aware of it now. There are so many things she writes that goes directly to the place where it´s aimed at. A couple of the more prominenent hits:

"The deeply engrained habit is to try to resolve our doubts and uncertainties by thinking about all of this and trying to figure it out mentally in our heads. But the key to waking up is in being present, being aware, being embodied—and by embodied, I mean awake to the somatic sensations and energies that we think of as “my body.” Paradoxically, the more awareness and presence we bring to the body, the more we realize experientially that there is no body in the way we think there is—“the body” is a concept, while the actuality of what we call “the body” is fluid and alive, moving and changing, subtle and space-like, with no boundary between inside and outside."

"Feeling the sensations in the body, feeling the breathing. Hearing the birdsong, the traffic sounds, the barking dog, the airplane passing overhead, the rain pattering on the roof. Smelling the coffee, tasting it, savoring it. Enjoying the colors and shapes and the whole visual dance of the moment in the way that you might enjoy abstract art or a plotless movie or the tumbling shapes in the kaleidoscope, as pure visual sensation. Seeing the thoughts as they arise without believing them or following them or getting caught up in their content. Allowing them to come and go without resisting them or judging them or getting caught up in secondary thoughts about the thoughts. In other words, simply being present as the living reality Here / Now, just as it is, without trying to change or understand it."

"But don’t try to “do” all of this perfectly or “all the time,” and don’t make it into some methodical practice, but simply allow it to happen naturally whenever it invites you."

"Being here is effortless. There is nothing to get, nothing that needs to happen, nothing that needs to be achieved or resisted or eliminated or figured out."

"And if you notice that you ARE trying to figure it all out, or trying to do something or make something happen or “get” something or get rid of something, or if you notice that you are judging yourself or evaluating your progress, simply recognize (SEE) that this is happening, and that all of this is nothing more than a movement of conditioned thought, an old habit, a compulsive pattern of the universe—see it for what it is and allow it to pass through."

"So don’t look for results. That’s the trap and the old habit of the mind—to get lost in past or future. You’re not going anywhere"

I could go on but you know what she wrote - just some excerpts that shot like razor sharp arrows at me. Waiting for the rocks to be thrown;)

So here we are again at the "grace" that can only be given (or happen) randomly. Almost at at gate of some religious entity that gives out the grace for some that in some way have desreved it - or not - randomly. There is nothing to do really. All is the way it is and there is no way any bodymind can "do" something to make it happen, per definition. So what´s the point in trying to cling to something that happens or not. That is how it feels on a mind level. Also on mind level a sentry is on duty silently watching for bodily sensations and thoughts cat. 2. Just keeping an eye, not knocking about.
So that is the situation here/now.

Birdman wrote:
As all this is beyond words and as you put it "we will soon run out of them".
When i run out of words, i will start throwing rocks.

Looking forward to that! Hope you hit the bulls eye!

Birdman wrote:
still wondering about the significance of the powerful/powerless but beautiful "openings"
They were what they were. ..or more accurately, they were what they were interpreted to be, at the level of the organism (not the conscious mind)
If you see a rope in the grass and think that it's a snake, and recoil, would you say that you saw a snake at the brain level, then discovered that it was just rope ?

Dont know how to put it; Yes, Brain saw the shape and form of a snake, ergo - a snake. Better safe than sorry!

If you think that we aren't getting anywhere, i can see if another guide might 'connect' with you. (if you wish)
Here, there is no interest in aborting our inquiry.

..and i'm not worrying about quotes. Just put the question on it's own line and i will work it out.

I don´t think another guide could make the scales falling from my eyes. Only grace or chance can and I wish you were guiding me then.

Kindest regards, hugs

Birdman

[Birdman]

This is a gold: "a relaxed devotion to the present moment, just as it is."

[Birdman]

Re the "openings" you say: "They were what they were. ..or more accurately, they were what they were interpreted to be, at the level of the organism (not the conscious mind).. If you see a rope in the grass and think that it's a snake, and recoil, would you say that you saw a snake at the brain level, then discovered that it was just rope ? "

I don't get this. They were as clear and vivid as standing in front of a newly blossomed tree in spring time or in front of a kid! So Obvious. No interpretation. They just were. At least to the same extent this bodymind is. If my senses are not, then nothing is and all suddenly seem empty, like a bad joke. This is where I lose grip in labyrinths of words and logical riddles. But I guess that's the point...

Time to turn in

Birdman

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Birdman,

I miss the point all the time.

i am relaxed about that. We will come at it from a different angle, until something clicks.

It becomes so frustrating and feelings of hopelessness over the whole project arises

Yes, i can remember feeling that. Persistance will get you there.

when reading Joan T:s beautiful words.

Yes, she has a way with them. Always a great read.

There is nothing to get, nothing that needs to happen, nothing that needs to be achieved or resisted or eliminated or figured out."

Worth emphasising.
At a practical level, if you (have an intention to) drop any idea of a finish line, guess what may happen ?

at the "grace" that can only be given (or happen) randomly

No, it may seem random, but it's not. When all of the necessary conditions are aligned, it will happen. ..and we are providing some of those conditions.

So what´s the point in trying to cling to something that happens or not.

No point.

Yes, Brain saw the shape and form of a snake, ergo - a snake.

Yes, a snake was reality. Experiencing is reality. (the only one that we can know) So, reality is purely subjective. If there is an objective reality, then it remains a mystery.

Only grace or chance can and I wish you were guiding me then.

Good stuff.

I don't get this.

That's fine, let's keep at it then.

They were as clear and vivid as standing in front of a newly blossomed tree in spring time or in front of a kid! So Obvious. No interpretation. They just were.

Yes, and i'm not meaning to demean them, or play down their significance. What is their significance ? (rhetorical question) They were very significant in that they showed you that experiencing outside of consensual reality is normal (under the right circumstances)
They were altered states of consciousness that by their very nature are temporary. They may visit again (or not)
In the overall scheme of things they don't mean much. They are not a hallmark that proves anything.

If my senses are not, then nothing is and all suddenly seem empty, like a bad joke.

Oops, watch that existential black hole. Yes, it seems like there is nothing solid to stand on anymore, but relax. Falling is fine.

love

vince

[Birdman]

Dear Vince!

Birdman wrote:
I miss the point all the time.
i am relaxed about that. We will come at it from a different angle, until something clicks.

Will ditch "knowing" and "doing" since they're never going to do it. Will (not) try to never mention these concepts again.

It becomes so frustrating and feelings of hopelessness over the whole project arises
Yes, i can remember feeling that. Persistance will get you there.

We'll see... Seems that some character traits that otherwise are considered "good" for general life in this inquiry may work the opposite way.

Birdman wrote:
There is nothing to get, nothing that needs to happen, nothing that needs to be achieved or resisted or eliminated or figured out."
Worth emphasising.
At a practical level, if you (have an intention to) drop any idea of a finish line, guess what may happen ?

Please explain "drop any idea of a finish line", don't understand what you mean but think I know the answer anyway :) "Nothing."

Birdman wrote:
at the "grace" that can only be given (or happen) randomly
No, it may seem random, but it's not. When all of the necessary conditions are aligned, it will happen. ..and we are providing some of those conditions.

Random or not, grace or chance - no difference from this perspective. Don't care if either way any more. Only (not) satisfies "knowing". Bring on the Conditions!

Birdman wrote:
They were as clear and vivid as standing in front of a newly blossomed tree in spring time or in front of a kid! So Obvious. No interpretation. They just were.
Yes, and i'm not meaning to demean them, or play down their significance. What is their significance ? (rhetorical question) They were very significant in that they showed you that experiencing outside of consensual reality is normal (under the right circumstances)
They were altered states of consciousness that by their very nature are temporary. They may visit again (or not)
In the overall scheme of things they don't mean much. They are not a hallmark that proves anything.

Didn't interpret it as if you demean anything. Was just curious about the phenomenon. And your last sentences cleared it up "In the overall scheme of things they don't mean much. They are not a hallmark that proves anything."
Until next question...
Most pleasant guests, welcome to visit again whenever they want!

Birdman wrote:
If my senses are not, then nothing is and all suddenly seem empty, like a bad joke.
Oops, watch that existential black hole. Yes, it seems like there is nothing solid to stand on anymore, but relax. Falling is fine.

Was just struck by a bolt of something. The absolute meaninglessness of it all as a flash, somewhat frightening. So now, the whole spectrum is seen, from the most sublime to this... Strong nerves are needed to handle such "revelations". Not afraid that I can't handle it, but it was powerful! I'm ok with falling, I think...trust

Hugs
Birdman

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Birdman,

Will ditch "knowing" and "doing"

Ha, sounds like something that you are going to do ??

Seems that some character traits that otherwise are considered "good" for general life in this inquiry may work the opposite way.

Oh, definitely.

At a practical level, if you (have an intention to) drop any idea of a finish line, guess what may happen ?

Please explain "drop any idea of a finish line", don't understand what you mean

i mean that idea that we are working towards a thing called success. ..or something called awakening.
Come back to this interchange, now, instead of looking forward to something in the future.
When you experience a shift, it will happen NOW.

Most pleasant guests, welcome to visit again whenever they want!

yes, at one period, i was really envious of those that experienced bells and whistles. ..and there is still a propensity for wanting those experiences.
i wouldn't say that what happened for me was ordinary (it is ordinary now) but it certainly lacked any spectacular..

The absolute meaninglessness of it all as a flash, somewhat frightening.

i find it easy to put purpose and meaning into the great mystery basket. ..but laugh at the seeming need for them in our cult(ure).
This is a little tricky. It fits into what you mentioned above about things working the opposite way..
Our culture promotes purpose with achievement and (mental) health, but these are actually social constructs.
Seeing the hollowness of these, doesn't leave us without purpose. It frees us to be more in touch with what is actual. You might say that the purpose is to be authentic.

So now, the whole spectrum is seen, from the most sublime to this...

Excellent. That sounds like some sort of a shift happened ??

love

vince

[Birdman]

Good evening Vince!

Birdman wrote:
Will ditch "knowing" and "doing"
Ha, sounds like something that you are going to do ??

No comment for obvious reasons. Let's say there is an intention. But if like toilet business they happen, by all means let them happen.

Please explain "drop any idea of a finish line", don't understand what you mean
i mean that idea that we are working towards a thing called success. ..or something called awakening.
Come back to this interchange, now, instead of looking forward to something in the future.
When you experience a shift, it will happen NOW.

Ok, see what you mean (i think). Well, I'm back in This, where else could we be? Not much choice, is there?

Birdman wrote:
Most pleasant guests, welcome to visit again whenever they want!
yes, at one period, i was really envious of those that experienced bells and whistles. ..and there is still a propensity for wanting those experiences.
i wouldn't say that what happened for me was ordinary (it is ordinary now) but it certainly lacked any spectacular..

Thoughts cat. 3 ;)
The "openings" were brief but very clearly seen/felt. Memory fading, but the longest maybe 3/4 of a day. It came and went like a weather phenomenon, very obvious when it was present. A couple of shorter of maybe an hour or so. Not easy to say, as time did not seem to be there.

Birdman wrote:
The absolute meaninglessness of it all as a flash, somewhat frightening.
i find it easy to put purpose and meaning into the great mystery basket. ..but laugh at the seeming need for them in our cult(ure).
This is a little tricky. It fits into what you mentioned above about things working the opposite way..
Our culture promotes purpose with achievement and (mental) health, but these are actually social constructs.
Seeing the hollowness of these, doesn't leave us without purpose. It frees us to be more in touch with what is actual. You might say that the purpose is to be authentic.

The flash of the utter meaninglessness of it all was frightening but short. No idea where it came from. Actually, it arose while I was thinking over significance of openings and whether a snake or rope was seen. The situation was similar to this, thinking, writing, looking, and BAM!!! Very weather like; no idea where it came from and gone as fast as it came, just evaporated. Leaving cold fingers and a frown. Fingers warm now, frown still there. "What the hell was that?"-frown.
Have to get back to you on the social/cultural implications and possible wiring of human brain.

Birdman wrote:
So now, the whole spectrum is seen, from the most sublime to this...
Excellent. That sounds like some sort of a shift happened ??

I have no idea of anything at the moment. Yes, the spectrum of deepest despair to quiet bliss... I don't know if they mean anything at all. Like dreams...but it was not night and I was not asleep. As you said "In the overall scheme of things they don't mean much. They are not a hallmark that proves anything." And I believe you.
I can't see how a shift could have happened. Doesn't feel that way... As if I knew what it should feel like :D
Since I don't have a clue on anything, I look at JT:s words of being "devoted to the present moment" and anchor myself in the body, and realise that whatever is, is what is now. There is nothing outside of "now". Also JT: "...don’t try to “do” all of this perfectly or “all the time,” and don’t make it into some methodical practice, but simply allow it to happen naturally whenever it invites you."
A shift? - like a new outlook on things, like another gear, like "me" vanished. I don't know. I don't think so.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Birdman

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Birdman,

But if like toilet business they happen, by all means let them happen.

You appear to have grokked this. i take it that you are not just reflecting words, but that you actually see that these things just arise or not ?

Well, I'm back in This,

Ha, you never were not in THIS.

where else could we be? Not much choice, is there?

..again, confirm that these are not just words. Does this resonate with you at a deep level ?

The "openings" were brief but very clearly seen/felt. Memory fading, but the longest maybe 3/4 of a day. It came and went like a weather phenomenon, very obvious when it was present. A couple of shorter of maybe an hour or so. Not easy to say, as time did not seem to be there.

i'm envious. (and see the mechanisms involved)

thinking, writing, looking, and BAM!!!

Yes, and this happening never leaves you the same. It can't be undone. (although memory of it can fade)

"What the hell was that?"-frown.

What the hell was that ? - amazement, wonder. May well become the norm.

Have to get back to you on the social/cultural implications and possible wiring of human brain.

Ok.

don't know if they mean anything at all.

Ah, another portal presents. Is meaning anything more than a social construct ? Does it actually exist ?

Like dreams...but it was not night and I was not asleep.

Oh, we don't need night or sleep to dream.
How do you know that this whole thing is not a dream ?

... As if I knew what it should feel like

Insightful.
One of the things (in my experience) that comes with waking up, is 'wisdom'. That is a wider perspective appears.
This, of course, may be present anyway, but you seem to project some of this.

I don't have a clue on anything,

Do you experience this as limiting or freeing ?

like "me" vanished.

This won't happen, "me" will just be seen for the handy concept that it actually is.

like a new outlook on things,

Yes, there will be some of this. There might also be a confirmation that this process has been happening for a long time.

love

vince

[Birdman]

Dear Vince!

Birdman wrote:
But if like toilet business they happen, by all means let them happen.
You appear to have grokked this. i take it that you are not just reflecting words, but that you actually see that these things just arise or not ?

To be honest, I have no clue about the answer to your question. No way of "knowing". But I don't think so. Not enough "felt" in the body. Mostly deductions I'd say. Again - not that I know what it should feel like...

Birdman wrote:
Well, I'm back in This,
Ha, you never were not in THIS.
Birdman wrote:

Of course;)

Birdman wrote:
where else could we be? Not much choice, is there?
..again, confirm that these are not just words. Does this resonate with you at a deep level ?

See answer above. How would I "know" the answer to this? I can't say either way with certainty. Can't confirm. It's this ongoing deconstruction of concepts that makes me doubt everything. Feels mostly like a deduction; there is only This and it is already the case, no negotiations - so why jerk and kick about - accept what already is the case and rest in that.

Birdman wrote:
The "openings" were brief but very clearly seen/felt. Memory fading, but the longest maybe 3/4 of a day. It came and went like a weather phenomenon, very obvious when it was present. A couple of shorter of maybe an hour or so. Not easy to say, as time did not seem to be there.
i'm envious. (and see the mechanisms involved)

Probably only maya so no need for envy, but I understand what you're saying...

Birdman wrote:
thinking, writing, looking, and BAM!!!
Yes, and this happening never leaves you the same. It can't be undone. (although memory of it can fade)

Yes, the frightening parts in particular :-o
The pleasant parts has as a whole transformed into a fond, heartwarming memory, like when you're thinking of a gone loved one. And it is totally beside the point if they have any "significance" whatsoever. For me they are significant in that they showed me that there is more to this person/life than fear or anxiety. That there is a sea of calm and a sense of "home" underneath all worry.

Birdman wrote:
"What the hell was that?"-frown.
What the hell was that ? - amazement, wonder. May well become the norm.

Hope so!

Birdman wrote:
don't know if they mean anything at all.
Ah, another portal presents. Is meaning anything more than a social construct ? Does it actually exist ?

Sure, "meaning" may be a social construct. I think I meant to say "I don't know what they are and should they be paid any attention whatsoever." Only cat. 2 thoughts?

Birdman wrote:
Like dreams...but it was not night and I was not asleep.
Oh, we don't need night or sleep to dream.
How do you know that this whole thing is not a dream ?

You mean awake daydreaming?
In accordance with the general deconstruction of concepts I can't know for sure BUT I am as sure as I possibly can be that it was not a dream. If it was a dream, then ALL of THIS is a dream! Which would not in anyway explain anything, instead only add another opaque layer of complexity and confusion over all and make it (if possible) still more esoteric.

Birdman wrote:
... As if I knew what it should feel like
Insightful.
"Can also be applied as answer to your questions in the beginning of this post!"

One of the things (in my experience) that comes with waking up, is 'wisdom'. That is a wider perspective appears.
This, of course, may be present anyway, but you seem to project some of this.

There is a thin line between wisdom and cynicism in the context we are in - everything is in vain, unobtainable, or ultimately meaningless. Another existential "black hole" to watch out for! Wisdom must embrace compassion and love and wear a smile!

Birdman wrote:
I don't have a clue on anything,
Do you experience this as limiting or freeing ?

Freeing I'd say most of the time. I don't have to know. It will take care of itself. I don't have to "control".

Birdman wrote:
like "me" vanished.
This won't happen, "me" will just be seen for the handy concept that it actually is.

I thought we were here to see through the thought based "me" or "self" or whatever I shall call it? Terminology issue I guess..?

Birdman wrote:
like a new outlook on things,
Yes, there will be some of this. There might also be a confirmation that this process has been happening for a long time.

Long time? Yes maybe, but not articulated in this way. I have always had an eye for vanity/emptiness. Through my life it was mostly different aspects of nature that were not "empty". Nature is always full to the brim of (meaningless?) Meaningfulness!! The great Comforter.

Hugs
Birdman (sorry messed up quoting again...)

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Birdman,

Not enough "felt" in the body. Mostly deductions I'd say.

Ok, this can be verified by observation. Pick anything that just happened, and see if you can possibly be aware of more than a miniscule number of the conditions that were necessary for it to have occurred.

See answer above.

ditto.
Is it true that by the time you are aware of any happening that it is already in the past ?

It's this ongoing deconstruction of concepts that makes me doubt everything.

We only need to deconstruct the 'reality' component of concepts. The concept itself is probably useful. It was the belief that it was actual, that was problematic.

accept what already is the case and rest in that.

Yes, even welcome it.

That there is a sea of calm and a sense of "home" underneath all worry.

This sounds like much more than deduction ?

You mean awake daydreaming?

No.

I am as sure as I possibly can be that it was not a dream.

Would this be the case in a night time dream also ?

then ALL of THIS is a dream!

Yes.
If you only know that you have been dreaming when you wake up...

Which would not in anyway explain anything

Certainly. It might confirm though, that the idea of anything objective is fanciful.

Freeing I'd say most of the time. I don't have to know. It will take care of itself. I don't have to "control".

Good stuff.

I thought we were here to see through the thought based "me" or "self" or whatever I shall call it?

No, it is to SEE that the "me" of "Self" is thought based, and not actual. (seems like you already see this ?)

but not articulated in this way.

Yes, and probably not examined is a much detail either.

Nature is always full to the brim of (meaningless?) Meaningfulness!! The great Comforter.

Is "nature" another word for THIS ?

(sorry messed up quoting again...)

Don't fret. It wasn't a problem.

love

vince

[Birdman]

Dear Vince!

Thank you for your patience and sharing your wisdom. I think I will stop here as all is getting more and more complicated instead of imagined the other way around. I also wonder about all the effort, almost cramp, in doing thinking, doing trying to understand, doing letting go... I have come to a halt and no one is to blame except me failing to grokk this. I think we have made a honest try but I feel that “the road is closed” and there are no openings, maybe except for reading the Quotes or Gatecrashers and be devoted to the present moment.

As I said earlier, I hope I may contact you if need happens. Until then, best greetings, thank you and lots of hugs from Birdman!

Below some loose threads that are loosely tied up


Birdman wrote:
See answer above.
ditto.
Is it true that by the time you are aware of any happening that it is already in the past ?

Absolutely! "Best before" extremely short. By the time you realise that you see or hear this or that it's already history, past, gone. Due to the inertia in our minds system we practically live in the past. As it seems here.


Birdman wrote:
accept what already is the case and rest in that.
Yes, even welcome it.

Yes sure!

Birdman wrote:
That there is a sea of calm and a sense of "home" underneath all worry.
This sounds like much more than deduction ?

Mhm, yes something the "guests" left behind.
NB as a memory, nothing really "incorporated". Beautiful words filled with comfort. When I wrote it to you originally they were sincerely and honestly "felt" but seeing them now - are those my words? Are they really honest? Mind like a streamer in the wind. Nothing steady. Only impermanence seem unchangeable.


Birdman wrote:
I am as sure as I possibly can be that it was not a dream.
Would this be the case in a night time dream also ?

No, I'm asleep then and the critical, judging mind is not present. Actually, I can hardly remember as I'm practically never aware of any dreaming in the night whatsoever. When I'm asleep - I'm seem unconscious. (No medicin.) Been so for decades.

Birdman wrote:
then ALL of THIS is a dream!
Yes.
If you only know that you have been dreaming when you wake up...


Birdman wrote:
Which would not in anyway explain anything
Certainly. It might confirm though, that the idea of anything objective is fanciful.

Yes probably.

Birdman wrote:
Freeing I'd say most of the time. I don't have to know. It will take care of itself. I don't have to "control".
Good stuff.

Birdman wrote:
I thought we were here to see through the thought based "me" or "self" or whatever I shall call it?
No, it is to SEE that the "me" of "Self" is thought based, and not actual. (seems like you already see this ?)

Birdman wrote:
but not articulated in this way.
Yes, and probably not examined is a much detail either.

No, for sure..

Birdman wrote:
Nature is always full to the brim of (meaningless?) Meaningfulness!! The great Comforter.
Is "nature" another word for THIS ?

Was working on a long answer to your short question. But no need for a rant. No, they are not synonyms. THIS is all there is within this body-minds "horizon of happening". I simply meant Nature as opposed to Culture. Nature is where comfort, rest, beauty, inspiration is to a much higher degree for me than in man made cultural expressions (with many Prominent Exceptions of course).

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Birdman,

Thank you for your patience and sharing your wisdom.

There was no experience of patience or wisdom here, but i feel your gratitude, and it's nice. Thankyou.

I think I will stop here

i respect that, though i don't understand it.

as all is getting more and more complicated instead of imagined the other way around.

Yes. I don't understand this either. i would love to explore this with you, to find out how it came about.

no one is to blame except me

i don't understand "blame". No matter how i think of it, i can't make sense of it.

failing to grokk this.

"grokking" isn't something that can be 'done'. If you need an explanation, then 'grace' is as good as any. How can blame fit into this ?

I think we have made a honest try but I feel that “the road is closed” and there are no openings

These feelings are the result of stories that are believed. Can you recognize this ?

I hope I may contact you if need happens.

Absolutely. Anytime.

Until then, best greetings, thank you and lots of hugs from Birdman!

Thank you, and go well, my friend.


vince

[Birdman]

Dear Vince!

Hope it is ok to contact you again although I have mostly run out of words, not much to say really... No idea how to begin. I think I have let them behind to some extent. I find myself with a rather silly smile more than often. Ego and thoughts come and go. It is as Joan T. put it "And yes, the Siren song of the Story of Me and the sense of separation and encapsulation is powerful..." The Sirens are still there of course but they are not so enchanting any more. Have had moments where the subject and object seem to melt into one.

Have no more words tonight, maybe you can come up with a hook or two to bite over?

Cheers!
Birdman

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Birdman,

Hope it is ok to contact you again

Yes. Great to talk to you again.

I have mostly run out of words, not much to say really...

Ha, yes. Words are quite inadequate for expressing some of this stuff.

I find myself with a rather silly smile more than often.

Ha. This would suggest that you are appreciating wonder-full-ness.

Ego and thoughts come and go.

...as they do. Do you have an opinion (judgement) when they appear ?

Have had moments where the subject and object seem to melt into one.

Is there a desire for this to be permanent ?

maybe you can come up with a hook or two to bite over?

Do you think that there is 'more' ? (further)
What are your expectations about a 'final destination' ?

love

vince

[Birdman]

Ha. This would suggest that you are appreciating wonder-full-ness.

Yes, and it is all very new and fresh. It is like a love story. When the Sirens have enchanted me, to find that true rest in this awareness (here/now) is all that remains. Stillness, quiet when the "me" gets put in place, sometimes with a dismissal as a quiet "Nothing!"

Ego and thoughts come and go.
...as they do. Do you have an opinion (judgement) when they appear ?

No, thoughts will always be there, popping up. It is what happens (see above), against the still and quiet background of awareness.

Have had moments where the subject and object seem to melt into one.
Is there a desire for this to be permanent ?

No. It was only an interesting phenomenon. If it comes, it comes, as when I stood there washing up the dishes.

Do you think that there is 'more' ? (further)
What are your expectations about a 'final destination' ?

Hmm... Not "more", maybe a deepening of awareness..? I guess it is close at hand to believe that something is being missed when testimonies of other awakenings happen with fireworks, marching bands, hysterical laughter and tears. it is nothing like that for me, more like the feeling of being in love. Devotion. Awareness as to sink in the loved one´s embrace.
Re. "final destination"; The body in clock time definitely has a final destination. Everything about this so called life is fleeting and intangible so a "final destination" feels like an absurdity, more justified in a time table.

(Clock)Time to turn in. So pleased that you are there caring.
Birdman