i must see clearly

[blackh]

Sam,

Some people are happy, some cry, some laugh their heads off at the absurdity of it, and some say "is that all??" Doubts are common. I was too contented to be overjoyed, which was very odd.

Sounds like you don't need me for the moment - just let me know. When you're ready, there are some final questions we ask that help the other guides to check I've done my job properly. Then you can join a LU Aftercare group on Facebook where there are many others with the same predicament.


Steve

[samlynne]

thanks for your helps again steve - its totally weird that this is so simple

gabi

[samlynne]

Hi Steve

one last thing - all last night and this morning there is just a quiet background peace ( not sure that's the right word )
or undisturbance the sense is that Gabi can just be the character no worries nothing to change- and a background contentment or ease - pain still in the body but no concern that it means anything - and slightly strange that this is it ? Really ? !!!!!

I have out whole thread to remind me if doubts come up which is so useful Steve - onwards it feels that there is a new life awaiting )

Gabi

[blackh]

Gabi (getting your name right this time),

Yes, simple and weird! It's so lovely to hear what's happening with you.

There is one last suggestion I want to leave you with: It's good for the mind to grasp intellectually (= tell a story about) what you're not. But try to resist the tendency of your mind to conceptualize your new understanding, and instead always go back to what's really present. We don't want to replace a small limiting belief with a bigger one. If you say "I am X" then you're opening the possibility that "I am not Y". Maybe you don't need to be anything.


Steve

[samlynne]

thank you

I like that reminder - maybe I don't need to be anything - so for now just lots of looking when doubts arise - and for now a whole evening of listening to Leonard Cohen whom I am sure knew this

love

[blackh]

Gabi,

That's interesting about Leonard Cohen. I like finding references to this stuff in literature, music, movies etc.

In The Hunting of the Snark by Lewis Carroll they're on this great quest to find an elusive creature called the Snark. One of the crew is a baker who has forgotten his name, and left behind all his possessions. At the end he is the one who finds the Snark and then he disappears!

I think a lot of music talks about this without the writers necessarily knowing the whole story. I'm a headbanger and most of the music is about the torments of the soul (just like Leonard Cohen). A common theme is the dreaded emptiness within, e.g., One of These Days by Caliban "The walls have fallen down / pure cold reality surrounds me, / is hugging me / The awareness of emptiness / pushes me down to earth..."

But the emptiness within can be seen as a good thing. :)


Steve

[blackh]

Gabi,

Captain Kirk to engineering. Request status report.

There are experiences of looking and listening. Experiences of decisions and actions. Planning, walking, talking to people. There are thoughts about self, memories talking about what you did, and future scenarios with a self inserted in them.

But is there a sign of a self somewhere in the present moment? Are you exerting influence somewhere, or are there just influences appearing to come from nowhere? If you look into the core of your being - between and behind all the thoughts, emotions and sensations, what do you see there? Is there any corner of experience you haven't looked in?


Steve

[samlynne]

Hi steve

reporting back :)

everything is seen as empty of me - although lost in thought is still happening and a sense of me there sometimes - when looked at clearly it is all empty

gabi is having a strange time at mo even calling herself by her name

so what now ?

[blackh]

Gabi,

If you're happy that you don't need me any more then we can proceed to final questions. The other guides will check my work and you can join the LU Aftercare group. Of course I'm happy to talk to you any time.


Steve

[blackh]

Gabi,

Getting lost in thought doesn't generally stop, and I was surprised at first that I still had the same really idiotic judgemental thoughts popping up. But they don't tend to have the same power that they used to.


Steve

[samlynne]

ok that's helpful about the lost in thoughts bit

I still seem to think that there should just be this sense of emptiness and space ( not quite right words to describe well space is probably accurate

g

[blackh]

Gabi,

Seeing that there's no self is like breaking through a barrier - or a gate, even. It's gateless because there's no barrier, and no-one to go through it - but you thought there was. I always wondered why those images of a door in a field were so compelling, and now I know. Once you're beyond it, you're really just beginning a new way of living. It can make your life better (it has for me), but it can and usually does throw up new challenges.

The LU process really only deals with one part of a larger picture. You probably haven't experienced a collapse of the subject-object duality, or a clear vision of the oneness of all existence. There's a hidden forum on here where you can ask for further guidance on these kinds of things. I also wondered why some people said there was this huge spaciousness, but now I'm starting to feel it.

Don't feel pressured about the questions. I'm perfectly happy for you to keep contemplating until you're sure. And please do keep asking questions.


Steve

[samlynne]

Aaaaahhhh - wrote a long reply and it had logged me out again - too tired so this is short one

will write tomorrow and see if we are done for now -

happy your life is better now - mine on shaky ground at mo

definitely not a collapse of the subject object mode at mo although this has been seen - and some times now just a feeling of real space - but not consistant

realising am way too tired to type but will conclude tomorrow

one quick question did you have to keep constantly looking even after seeing this clearly or did it just unfold naturally

must go to bed = think you are in a different time zone - not sure

time to sleep

gabi




def

[blackh]

Gabi,

Have a good sleep! It's the morning here in New Zealand. Sorry about the trouble with the site.

one quick question did you have to keep constantly looking even after seeing this clearly or did it just unfold naturally

Yes, I had to keep looking constantly for two months after first seeing with periods of doubt that anything had changed, which got less and less. My belief in the self was tenacious. Two months is actually the quoted figure in LU materials, but obviously there is wide variation. It's been four months now and I still look, but doubts are gone now. I like looking, though... It's a joy to see reality. I think it's best to keep working at it until you're really sure.


Steve

[blackh]

Gabi,

Yay. The issue with the site logging you out and junking your posts for you is fixed and won't happen again.


Steve