When I came across LU, I thought it had fallen from heaven!

[Sarah7]

Hey Lynda

Yes & now I realize I was on my way more than I could know but I had no other to walk with.. & felt quite alone.

Just checking - other?

I want to thank you for walking with me & is this where I say 'now what?' Chop wood.. carry water. I would like to stay in contact.

Havent quite finished with you yet!!! :) And I will pm you too. OK. Take your time with the below no rush. Answer in as much detail as you feel is needed.

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life?
Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
Anything to add?
Hugs Sarah xxx

[oldyeller]

Is there a separate 'me' in any form & was there ever? No there never was but it was believed there was. The 'me' was a construct built up of beliefs & not real in any way. That's why when a 'person' dies.. all that's left is spirit. As far as is understood.. the body is just a way to experience.. temporarily. It's now the habits & conditioning left & there's no me to have any control over that! To die before we die & it's all illusion.

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is.. when it starts & how it works from your own experience. It's first appearance was with my parents & the attention they gave me. From there on it was a gradual process of a 'view' expanding into something I was being carried along in.. sort of like floating down a river. I learned that I had a name & the building of an identity went on until I started questioning things.. why.. how & what do I need to do to get what I want. A lot of the questioning didn't feel as though an actual I was doing it either.. it was just happening (dahh so asleep). I got from my parents vibes that we were a unit & needed to protect ourselves against whatever & whoever is out there in the unknown. So from then on that was just 'how it works' until the questioning started again in early adult stage. From that point as I found out more.. the more I questioned & wanted to change & fix it.. & it seemed natural to want to do that... the more without answers or understanding I was.

Describe it fully as you see it now. Now I see it as illusion.. or a veil over reality.. that is completely convincing & we're all deceived so totally it feels like it takes superhuman effort to even let into the mind that there's another way to see it. Here's where the life experience together with devouring every book I could find stage.. fits. Now I know there's no me to be in control so it makes the anxiety of doing anything or understanding everything.. relax. But the habits of thinking there was actually a separate person there are still going on.. & even that is part of the process in the illusion.

How does it feel to see this? It's a letting go to know that I don't, can't & never did, control anything. There's still wanting to understand more but then I think... who is it who needs this understanding.. no me! There's some impatience with the speed of the process but there might as well be acceptance & even that can't be a choice made by a 'me'.

What's the difference from before you started this dialogue? Who started this dialogue :) I believe I was well along the knowing but lacking in experiencing & this guidance helped with confidence & with the next step.. but I was puzzled as to where to find it & didn't want to have to travel. I felt it just shouldn't be necessary.

Please report from the last few days. - Although there are the motions of a life being lived... there seems to be some needed patience (by nobody) in things unfolding. I know there's no gate there & never was & knowing that is the gate. Also the veil would be the same as waking up from the dream. This dream of 'me' started out ok but has become a nightmare (fear over love) or a catalyst for waking up. Back to reporting from the last few days is.. life going on & writing what's been written here. I was just 'given' the thought to write the bottom line about understanding & put it where I can see it every day.

What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? It was the question about being inside or outside of the body. I felt that.. experienced it.. & I knew I'm not the body/mind. It's a me-imposter & along to experience. It wasn't mind-blowing... it felt like a release.. a gate opened that wasn't even there in the first place.

Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in life? I can't if I dont even exist & no.. or every imagined individual would always have what they believe they want... & of course they don't... because that's all in the illusion too!

Do you make anything happen? No... shit just happens Smile !

Give examples from your experience. - 'My' husband's brain exploded (aneurysm).. & that's not something you'd choose to happen. That being a negative one & at the positive end of duality there are many more.. my kids being ok.. or feeling loved & supported. I've learned that this particular piece of the 'hologram' is very empathetic & what hurts others I seem to feel almost too much. I believe waking up from the dream is the most help you can give to the 'oneness'.

Anything to add?

There's awareness of being 'here now' but although it seems there must have been choices that created this.. life was just there & it could have unfolded in so many different ways. It felt so beyond understanding.. about the dualities. We can struggle all we want... life goes the way it goes. It's the 'let go & let 'god' thing... there's not even a misguided choice about 'letting' spirit.. as if there's any 'us' to do any allowing... arrogant!... & we are that spirit!

I hear 'next?' There's nothing.. if life is living 'us' we might as well just go along for the ride & not resist reality!

[Sarah7]

Thanks Lynda. Am a bit busy, so will be back in touch as soon as I can. Can you please keep checking to see if I've posted though? Hope this is ok?
Hugs Sarah xxx

[oldyeller]

Thanks to you too. Yes I will check to see if you're there,, & return hugs

[Sarah7]

Hi Lynda
I have pm'd you!
Hugs Sarah xxx

[oldyeller]

I don't know how it works... Is it just an ongoing conversation that others can read too? Maybe when you can, you can fill me in a bit ok.

[Sarah7]

I've pm'd you!
S xx

[oldyeller]

Sorry I don't get all this yet,, I still find it challenging maneuvering the site,, though it's likely not that difficult. I've never done Facebook & still choose not to if that's ok. I know I'm slow & awkward but I'll keep trying. It sounds like pm is where I want to converse to start with,, I was getting on to this way but would still get lost at times.

[oldyeller]

Hi Sarah7................. I got your last message asking 'how are you doing' & hope you get it. I believe I'm doing ok. I'm just sort of cruising with my whole experience & have been busy but still want to stay in contact & search the site more. When I bring up our whole list of past posts it always seems the latest ones are not there so yes I'm still struggling with the site somewhat........................... Lynda

[Sarah7]

Hey Lynda
ive pm'd you!
Hugs S xx

[oldyeller]

Don't know what pm'd means..... dahhh

[Sarah7]

Look on the purple border above. It says user control panel, then brackets with messages in that. Click that. That's the private messaging place. Or pm for short!