1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No.
No.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
It makes linguistic sense for us to pin actions on specific beings with simple reference labels like "I", "you", "we", "they" etc. So it seems obvious that this idea is instilled in us from an early age. Almost all language we ever use reinforces the myth that each body "contains" a separate self. As the body grows and experience expands, references to this named character "I" become more and more frequent and intertwined. Each being stores their unique story in the form of thoughts and memories generated by the brain. The brain labels each experience from the perspective of the linguistically convenient "I" and "me" and thought automatically becomes a constant stream of self reference. All experience is hung on this make-believe frame. It doesn't take long for all this thought content to totally obscure the frame from view. From then on, we just assume there's a real frame in the middle of everything, holding it all together.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Before I started this dialogue I'd already accepted intellectually that there's no separate self. Since seeing through the illusion, the main difference is that I now recognise thoughts and feelings for what they are. Although it's still easy to get caught up in thought at times, there's always a kind of mental review going on. The subject of the self illusion arises frequently in the mind and I am driven to read more about it. It's nice to re-read books that hadn't quite "clicked" in the past. They make a lot more sense now.
It's also funny/frustrating that language (at least English) makes any discussion of this seem insane. It's so difficult to put this experience into the words which helped create it in the first place.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Before I started, I read a lot awakening accounts. I was never able to pinpoint exactly what it was that triggered the shift. I now see that the "answer" lies between the questions, and outside the content of thought. That was something quite hard to grasp before I experienced it.
You really pushed me in the right direction when you pointed out that I hadn't actually looked, and that my answers came from a story. That clue led me to soften my focus somehow: Tone down the "thinking" and invite the realisation to wash over me. I woke up from actual sleep with the realisation already in mind. I'm still unsure whether this was a good or bad thing. On one hand it felt a bit like a shortcut because I'd arrived without effort. On the other hand, it seemed like I might have missed the best part of the journey.
The key part of the realisation was that I experienced the "collapsing" and saw that in reality there is simply no place for a separate self. That is something I cannot unsee.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
The brain is a complex machine and we are conditioned to believe we are responsible for conscious decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Recognising that there's no self automatically rules these out (how does Santa Claus make decisions in reality?), although the illusion of control is persistent. Anything we label "decision", "intention" etc is just subconscious brain activity based on past experience and genetic predisposition.
Experience is full of examples. Every day "I" make hundreds or thousands of decisions. Like intending/deciding/choosing to type these words. When, where, why, how was a decision made? I don't know, but my hands type and the brain grabs ownership of every action: "I'm typing!". Each word is its own choice/decision. "I'm composing!" If a hand hits the wrong key, there is the "choice" to correct it or continue. "I made a mistake! I'll fix it!". Other bodies might prioritise speed over accuracy but "attention to detail is important to me!". It goes on and on.
Nothing is "decided" by a self/soul/spirit – Life is just a long string of events reaching back millions of years.
6) Anything to add?
Just a big THANK YOU to you and the other guides who invest the time, effort, and patience into running this forum. "No self" is something which is difficult to grasp by merely absorbing information. It's the interactivity that makes the question/answer process so much more effective.
I'm so grateful to you all for this gift :)
Thank you Kay! Love and respect to you <3 I will try to pay your kindness forward!
