Just not sure - is there someone who can guide me please?

[potofbasil]

Hi Graham,
'I' have spent the last hour going through the chain of sensation / thought / emotion that has occured since yesterday's conflict. Thoughts of satisfaction had arisen that it had all been neatly recorded here. Then loss of internet connection and it has all gone! another chain of emotion > thought ( oh no cant think and type it all again) > action (begin typing) > thought (there's no ME to do it all) > emotion ( relief / laughing) > just typing now.

Realising that the first draft had been done to show Graham how 'I' was 'getting' his guidance/teaching -wanting to be a good student. Now there is lots of laughter as the ridiculousness of this is arising.

Wonderment at the great timing of the loss of connection. Now fear arising that it may happen again and an urge to hit the send button before it does. Now more laughter at the recognition of that fear!

Do you observe that you are through the gate?

There is no me to go through the gate!!!! So YES!

what fun this is Graham - and how kind you are to do this work!

[GrahamB]

Hallo Anne.

'I' have spent the last hour going through the chain of sensation / thought / emotion that has occured since yesterday's conflict. Thoughts of satisfaction had arisen that it had all been neatly recorded here. Then loss of internet connection and it has all gone! another chain of emotion > thought ( oh no cant think and type it all again) > action (begin typing) > thought (there's no ME to do it all) > emotion ( relief / laughing) > just typing now.

Sorry you lost your work. Good response.

Realising that the first draft had been done to show Graham how 'I' was 'getting' his guidance/teaching -wanting to be a good student. Now there is lots of laughter as the ridiculousness of this is arising.

:)

Glad to see that the loss of work is not seen as a mistake or an accident.

Wonderment at the great timing of the loss of connection. Now fear arising that it may happen again and an urge to hit the send button before it does. Now more laughter at the recognition of that fear!

Very Good Anne! Just as well that fear is not happening to anyone :).

Perhaps if getting a lot of work written down, a good idea to copy it into an off line word editor and work on it there, then copy it back here....

Do you observe that you are through the gate?

There is no me to go through the gate!!!! So YES!

Smiling here!

what fun this is Graham - and how kind you are to do this work!

Thank you for your kind words. I find this fun too!

Here are the final questions. Please write a full and rounded response to each one. No rush; take your time on this.

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this?

4) How would you describe it to somebody who is very interested, but has never heard about this illusion.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Love,
Graham

[potofbasil]

Hi Graham,

This sense of lightness is still here despite the continuation of conflict - I feel distanced from it somehow as if it is happening to someone else! It is really isn't it? It is happening to the old 'I' that can not be found!

Perhaps if getting a lot of work written down, a good idea to copy it into an off line word editor and work on it there, then copy it back here....

Yes Graham - that is a sensible plan! Will do that now with the final questions and spend some time pondering them.

Love Anne x

[GrahamB]

Hi Anne.

This sense of lightness is still here despite the continuation of conflict - I feel distanced from it somehow as if it is happening to someone else! It is really isn't it? It is happening to the old 'I' that can not be found!

Yes, all this is quite normal for a new gatecrasher. Just passing thought-sensation.

Do not rush into the final questions unless you feel ready. Perhaps focus on stabilising for a few days. It may be common for doubt feelings to arise in the stream for a while.

Hugs,
Graham

[potofbasil]

Hello again Graham,

There have been a few days of muddled thoughts but today they have settled down. Here are the answers to the questions.

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

Is there a 'me'? No. Has there ever been a 'me'? No, what seemed to be 'me' was just thoughts and beliefs sticking together and added to over the years.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works

This feels like a big question and there are feelings of uncertainty arising about being able to answer it correctly! Here goes ..... A baby is born with no sense of a separate identity -just awareness of being. He is given a name by parents and labelling begins. He is given toys and told that they belong to 'him'. His behaviour is judged to be either good or bad, so he learns to judge himself and others. He learns to behave in certain ways so as to be accepted by society or to rebel against authority. He builds a sense of 'self', an 'I' to take out into the world and be recognised by. This sense of 'self' becomes very precious, because he believes that is who he is. If it is threatened he will be afraid and try to defend it. He might hide from the perceived dangers or fight them. The many thoughts, fears, memories, images and emotions that are experienced are all recorded and added to his 'self' - the illusion of who he thinks he is.

3) How does it feel to see this?

Feeling good to get this experientially. It was all just academic before.

4) How would you describe it to somebody who is very interested, but has never heard about this illusion.

By explaining about how the 'self' develops -as in the answer to question 2. Then by suggesting that they look for their own 'self' -try to track it down. I'd recommend this site.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look

Realising that what 'I' thought I knew was only thought. Your explanation of the stream of thought and sensation as a 'chain' was really helpful. Then came the conflict at work giving perfect 'grist for the mill'!

What also helped was forming sentences so as not to use the word 'I' or 'me'. Noticing the tendency to use those words, but how much truer it is to say 'thought is arising' rather than 'I am thinking'.

This is a truly wonderful site. Thank you so much for giving your time to help Graham.

Love Anne :)

[GrahamB]

Very good Anne. Pleased for you.

I will ask other guides to look at this thread to see if they confirm that you are through. This may take a day or two as they are all over the world.

All for the moment.

Love,
Graham

[GrahamB]

Hi Anne.

The guides have made a very quick response and confirm you are through.

I will send you a pm about our aftercare group on facebook.

:)

Love,
Graham.