Cough! (clears his throat) Well this is quite a major realisation Hannah(!) Has there been any noticable collateral shifts in perception along with that?
Not really, I sort of keep expecting to feel different but habits are strong, the understanding has not fully penetrated to my being, it still feels sort of cerebral although there is increased awareness of how much the 'I' wants to be in control, and do it all,. I read in another post that when you fully see through it's like knowing there is no Santa, I feel like there is a lot still to fall into place around this knowledge that self is just a thought.
Write what you are experiencing right now using the words 'I' and 'me'. Get right to the point
I am sitting up in bed, typing these words. I can hear the birds in the woods. I can also hear traffic on the road nearby. I am drinking a cup of tea, I can feel the warmth of it going down and taste it in my mouth. One of my legs is beginning to feel uncomfortable where it is bent to support the iPad. My ears are cold. My head is very slightly aching, and now my ear is itching a little from the scarf I have wrapped around to keep warm. I can see the sun breaking through the trees, and I am thinking of the sunny day to come. I am having another drink from my tea, enjoying the taste and warm feeling. I move my leg to ease the discomfort. I am beginning to feel hunger for breakfast.
Second version:
Scratching face, sitting, sitting bones aching. Blinking, hands are poised to type. Swallowing. birds are singing. Cars driving past. Waiting for next thought.blinking. Hands are a little cold. Drinking last swig of tea. Tummy rumbling. Waiting. peaceful feeling. Warmth in tummy. Closing eyes.distant hum, curiosity, what is hum? Dogs barking. Tingling in nose. Rubbing eyes, face all screwed up.breathing deeply
Well, that's very interesting, in the second version I felt less driven, more peaceful, like it really did not make a difference what I wrote. In the first one it felt more willed, like I had to do something right. Make effort and keep going.
I had a strong dream this morning, an adventure but losing everything, including my boots! No home, could not get to a platform so missed last train, sobbing, frustration, wanting to get home to my kids, but then all fine, kids ok, still no boots, and the station, town, houses,rooms all completely unrecognisable but feeling lighter by end. I know that all just content, but still seems significant somehow. I am experiencing a lot of anticipation of some deeper letting go.
Sending this now but might add more later.
HB x
