1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
have not found a separate entity of self, it only takes shape in thought and emotion and this has always been like this
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you seeit now.
me self and I are a language to describe experience, not the experience itself. the illusion starts when there is believing in the thoughts and emotions as something really existing, rather than a pointing to something. Last night in study, as we were discussing something, there was just the words we were using to play around with what is true and the words are not the truth, whatever is said is still only pointing to something. Believing the words, thinking I have understood something means that I have not. Even now thinking that I might have seen through the illusion of self is also an illusion. Its endless and very hard to talk about.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
feel some tingling of excitement, some thoughts around not holding onto to any of it. Freedom, yes freedom, that as long as remembering happens, then there IS opportunity to liberate, in EACH moment what is illusion, and to not cause more suffering in the world, by not holding onto a separate cotton. Before I started this dialogue I was not aware of how huge, thinking (or emotions) are in the creation of 'my ' experience.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
that non separation and uniqueness are not two, not in opposition. that separation and difference are not two, that lines of separation are made in thinking and emotions.
that you kept asking for DE and that you were persistent with that…and on each dialogue there was no resting in anything….no right answers….thank you
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How
does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
am discovering more about this and its early days. Decisions arise and they just seem to happen. Intentions are thoughts about future which may or may not happen, choices just happen and there is not control with any of these.
Deciding to move my arm just happens, sometimes a thought says move your arm, and then it either moves or it does not. When thinking about ringing a friend, an intention, it may happen or may not.
Am noticing in experience there is thinking that there are skilful things to do and not skilful things to do and if thinking is seen as thinking (rather than something right or true which fixes it) the energy moves into the body, then seeing the word body as also thinking another release happens and the energy is just as it is,
and then what happens, happens
6) Anything to add?
huge gratitude to you for being with me on this.
