Ruby 88 Looking for a guide

[Ruby88]

Hi, I am looking for a guide. Have had on and off Buddhist meditation practice - like a 'Buddhist' guide?

[Amanda44]

Hi Ruby88,
I am a long-time practicing Buddhist and would be pleased to guide you. One constraint though – I would not be able to start until next Tuesday 1/20. I have a very full schedule this week and don't feel I'd be able to give you my proper attention. Would that be ok? If not, we will try and find you someone else.

[Ruby88]

Hi, Amanda44, that sounds fine. Hope that you have a good week.

[Amanda44]

Hi Ruby88,
Sorry, change of plans, and I will not be your guide after all. We will find you someone else. Please stand by!

[Carrie]

Hello Ruby,

I would be pleased to guide you if you would like...?

If so, please can you say a bit more about what you are looking for by coming to this forum.

Love,

Carrie

[Ruby88]

Hi, Carrie, sorry I thought I was waiting for Amanda44 so didn't check back until Today. But happy to go ahead with you. I have experienced over several years of meditating etc experiences of letting go, opening, seeing through, but these experiences have not always felt sustained. I have a couple of friends who have done this work and it has obviously been a good experience for them - confirming experiences already had - opening things up more.

My expectations would be to see through this illusion of self completely - and for that to lead to a greater sense of flow, openness, freedom, freedom from constriction.

I have a painful physical condition, and am aware that one of my expectations is that this will go away! I know also that this won't be the case but i imagine i might get less caught up in the stories around that - why me, not fair, etc!

Anyway I am willing to work and see what happens.

Love ruby

[Carrie]

Hi Ruby,

Thank you for sharing some of your expectations. It is good to air these before we begin as they can be a block later on... and at some point in our dialogue we may need to revisit them (or others that haven’t been exposed yet)…

Anyway I am willing to work and see what happens

Wonderful!

So, a few things to cover before we start, please read thoroughly...

If you haven't already seen it, there is intro info here, our disclaimer and a short video too. http://www.liberationunleashed.com/

And some guidelines….

1. can we both agree to post at least once a day, unless we let each other know otherwise?

2. I will ask you questions and you will respond with upmost honesty. Responses are best from direct experience (felt senses and observed thoughts). Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress. OK with that?

3. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies and such for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily and essential meditation practice, it is fine to continue that. That OK with you?

4. Please learn to use the quote function: just highlight what you want to quote and the click "Quote" above, when it posts it will have quoted, its a helpful way to communicate easily. More instructions on quote and editing functions are located in this link: http://liberationunleashed.com/nation/v ... ?f=4&t=660”. Also its a good idea to tick the box below your post 'saying notify me when a reply is posted' and the tapatalk app is a good for phones.

Please respond to confirm you have seen all the above and agree to the guidelines - then we shall begin.

Love,

Carrie

[Ruby88]

Hi, Carrie, yes all that sounds fine. Let's begin! and thank you for responding. I will watch the video etc tomorrow morning.

[Carrie]

Hi Ruby,

Great! So here we go... What comes up when it is read that there is absolutely no “you” in any way, shape or form, there never has been a “you”, nor is there or will be there ever be?

Carrie x

P.S What part of the world are you in so we get an idea of any lag in our time zones... (I'm in UK GMT)

[Ruby88]

Hi, haven't quite worked out the quote function - will get onto that.

I am in the UK so GMT.

absolutely no "you" etc - what comes up is a feeling/sensation in my tummy/solar plexus -hard to describe, like a fluttering, it's like being on that edge between fear and exhilaration, excitement, risk, like about to do something scarey, jump, but YES, but there is definitely a felt sense of fear/excitement.

love Ruby

[Ruby88]

Oh and Carrie, i am about to go out, and I am going to allow that sentence to resonate some more.

[Carrie]

Hi Ruby,

That's good to hear we're in the same time zone... makes it easier somehow.

but YES, but there is definitely a felt sense of fear/excitement.

Wonderful! Sounds like you are really ready for this... Fear and excitement sounds like a very realistic response!

So please answer.... What does the word "I" or "me" point to, here and now?

C xx

[Ruby88]

What does the word 'I' or 'me' point to in the here and now.

Excited to get the question, but go to do my washing and clean out a drawer- so feeling of resistance as well as excitement!

Focus on the question.
Immediate visual memory of the end of the programme The Prisoner, (shows my age) he is in the dock, saying 'I' 'I' 'I' over and over, unable to get further – absurd.

Back to sensations in the present, here and now – aware of sitting on the sofa, sounds, warmth, cold of pen in my hand/fingers – and the question is very precise – the WORD 'I,' and 'the word, 'ME' inverted commas, and 'point to', not what I think about this. The words seem just words, part of thoughts, so many thoughts have 'I' and 'me' in them! Do the words point to anything to get hold of? - and yet there is a locus of experience – it's 'me' on the sofa asking myself this question, not anyone else in the house.

Strong experience yesterday when answering What comes up when it is read that there is absolutely no “you” in any way, shape or form, there never has been a “you”, nor is there or will be there ever be? Had thought to carry on bringing this to mind during the day. Of course I forgot. I was in the hairdressers – enjoying the sensation of having my hair washed, warm water, fingers massaging my head, massage chair, lovely smells, nice sounds, muffled voices. A sensation bath – Absolutely no 'you'. Absolutely means nowhere, in no corner of my experience – I experienced again that edge of excitement and fear and was aware of breathing out strongly – phoo. But thinking my sensations have a locus that is 'me'. The hairdresser is having similar/overlapping but different experience -though I don't know what her experience was. Aware some of that is thinking. Back to sensations – and a sense that I can't really find the edge of that 'locus'. Hmm.

Similar now – What does the word 'I' point to – a way of talking about myself, it's the way we use language to use that word – but does it point to anything – in the here and now – there are just sensations, but I get a bit stuck on this locus of experience, while at the same time, when I explore that, no real experience of a boundary or end of that locus, so.....things go a bit wibbly wobbly.

[Carrie]

dear Ruby,

Thank you for your answers yesterday...

and the question is very precise – the WORD 'I,' and 'the word, 'ME' inverted commas, and 'point to', not what I think about this.

Yes! That's great you understand the work here is to LOOK at experience directly rather than think about it.

But thinking my sensations have a locus that is 'me'. The hairdresser is having similar/overlapping but different experience -though I don't know what her experience was. Aware some of that is thinking.

Is any of this something other than thoughts?!

Back to sensations – and a sense that I can't really find the edge of that 'locus'. Hmm

Yes, isn't that true... When dwelling in direct experience of sensations this sense of a 'locus' that is 'me' becomes impossible to find...

in the here and now – there are just sensations, but I get a bit stuck on this locus of experience, while at the same time, when I explore that, no real experience of a boundary or end of that locus

and yet there is a locus of experience – it's 'me' on the sofa asking myself this question

It sounds like you have a good ability to come into your experience in the here and now, tracking senses and thoughts... This is vital in this enquiry that you can discern the difference between thoughts and sense experience in the here and now. This is what is meant by direct experience. So...

Let's look more closely at this

locus of experience

... that's

'me' on the sofa

Please answer the following questions in as much detail as possible from direct experience:

How does it come to be experienced? Through what channels?
Where is it?
Does it have a shape?
Does it have a colour?

Love, Carrie

[Ruby88]

Hi, Carrie - yes I can see that I was thinking about the hairdressers experience. It was not my direct experience.

So onto this locus of experience that is' me' on the sofa,

I has been a rather frantic day with no time for 'me' sitting on the sofa, but time to sit on the tube instead.

How does it come to be experienced? Through what channel?

Strong sensations, especially of sound and touch, with my eyes closed. Loud clattering, shrieking, roaring, chattering voices,- touch of contact with the seat, the back of the seat, the floor. Cold in the nostrils, and the tips of fingers and toes, warmth also, movement, swaying. So 'this locus' is experienced through the senses and sensations, especially touch and sound - then with eyes open, the visual sense is very strong,- colour, shape, pattern, people.

Where is it - this locus of experience - again, especially with eyes closed, there are no boundaries, bottom on seat is a thought really, there are just touch sensations, stronger there than elsewhere. No boundaries and experience, awareness. Slipped into thought - imagining myself elsewhere -back to the sensations in the moment, - just the boundaryless sensations comes with a feeling/sensation of wholeness, - thought leads away from this.

this locus of experience that is me - is in awareness. or is awareness.

Without shape or colour. Then I opened my eyes and that locus feels more defined, I can see my knees etc, my knees are blue denim. But awareness and that flow of sensations of touch, sound, sight has no boundary.