Another guide please

[marka]

Can you take a look - now - and try to explain this with more detail?

There is seeing happening now and a voice in my head reading the words.
The seeing. That's all it is. Just seeing. Why then, do 'I' assume there is a see-er? Still assume that. This consciousness, or whatever it is, that observes all, I think I assume that must be me ..... and consequently confine it to the body that is currently typing, as part of the 'human' experience.
But how do I know it is confined? I don't. I don't even know if it is human, or if that is just a label created to describe separate self.
But I can't then go on to say 'so therefore I am not human' because that would be falling into the same trap - that there is a 'me' to be human, or not.

That's me trying to explain and give more detail.

[Armstrong]

I'd like to stop our exchanges indefinitely. Do you mind? You can petition at the gate for another guide if you'd like to get another guide.

I appreciate your patience and effort.

[marka]

I'd like to stop our exchanges indefinitely. Do you mind?

Yes I do mind.
A bit of an explanation would be welcome.

[Armstrong]

So please tell me about this "I" that minds. What is it like, right now, in terms of your direct experience?

[marka]

thoughts about rejection but feelings more on the angry/cross side.
also, an ongoing commentary trying to provide some sort of explanation.

[Armstrong]

So does this "I" that minds have a shape, color or location? Can it "attain" that doesn't exist? How does it hold on to that attainment?

[marka]

So does this "I" that minds have a shape, color or location?

no shape or colour ...... location, somewhere internal if it does exist, not sure where though.
Strictly speaking, in direct experience, no location except thoughts, wherever they are, and feelings, wherever they may be.

Can it "attain" that doesn't exist?

Sorry, but that sentence makes no sense!
I assume you mean 'that which doesn't exist'?
No, it cannot attain it.

How does it hold on to that attainment?

It holds on through thoughts which create feelings and attachments, which feed into stories and help shape beliefs.

[Armstrong]

So if you look right now, to try to see what you are, what are you?

Please take a fresh look and answer based on what you notice now, and not in terms of your concepts of what you are, what the world is, etc.

[marka]

awareness.
of what is, what is happening.
also awareness of what has past and what may come.

And then mind comes in - the above fits now, but is it truth? Will it change tomorrow?

I'm still really going to have to answer 'I don't know'.

[Armstrong]

Can you describe that "awareness of what has past and what may come" more precisely? I mean in terms that a 5-year old could relate to.

I don't know what "awareness" means either, so please try again.
I asked you to take a fresh look.

Until you really look you are just wasting time.

[marka]

been avoiding this today - because i don't know how to take a fresh look.

It's like this:

Can you describe that "awareness of what has past and what may come" more precisely?

thoughts, memories, fantasies.

so am 'i' simply a program, of habits and memories and beliefs.

So if you look right now, to try to see what you are, what are you?

but right now?
just sight, a voice in head dictating the words, pressure on fingers. Some flleeting thoughts, more voice in head ....

That doesn't seem to be a fresh look. How do I take a fresh look? How do I really look?

[marka]

that is, how do I do 'take a fresh look', how do I do 'really look'?

[Armstrong]

OK, let's try a new tack.

Most people assume that they, to some degree, run their life.
E.g. they control their bodies. They author their thoughts. They control their feelings. They control their impulses.
They may not do it perfectly. But when they pay attention - and they control their attention - they are able to control their body, their thoughts, their feelings and their impulses.

The basic idea that most people have is that they are running their life. They "live in their heads" and they (somehow) work the controls to run their life.

Can you find anything in your experience that you control? I mean right now. And I'd also like you to look, until you write back, to tell me if you've got any control at all over what you experience.

You might start by looking at sensory experience (what you see, hear, etc), what you feel, what you think, your impulses and your body - and see if you've got any control over that. If you think you've got control, please look again carefully, and if you still think you've got control, please tell me and we'll explore it.

[marka]

oh. I wrote a very brief reply to this last night (basically just said thanks, I will do this) and must have forgot to press submit. Sorry.

Can you find anything in your experience that you control? I mean right now. And I'd also like you to look, until you write back, to tell me if you've got any control at all over what you experience.

Now today I had an example of this but forgot to write it down so some of the detail has been lost.
It was giving me the illusion of control, like immediate control (think it was to do with eating, when I decided to eat something) but when I looked further it was proceeded by a thought of food - and it was this thought that I realised I had had no control over - it had just appeared.

I want to keep looking at this for a while, it helps me realise there is only the illusion of control.

[marka]

I also had a similar example with emotion but could not remember that one either, hence I want to keep looking.