Guide please

[ebw]

1) there is not.

It feels/there are thoughts like "I am floating above my body" or "I am everything" or "I am nothing".
But none of these are true.
There is no "I" to begin with.

It feels as though there is a dissonance because my mind is struggling to catch on/grasp at something when there is nothing. But this is the way of thoughts. They tell a story. And there is no one to have a mind, anyway.

The sense of doubt has not gone away. It doesn't matter that it's there. Doubt/fear/anxiety have all sort of become enmeshed into one as I see that they are just energy, before being labelled.

2) First there is an experience, and just as soon as it arrives it dissipates. Thoughts arise about the experience, and though none of them are true, they create a sense of continuity/a story happening when belief in them occurs. The sense of self only exists in thought, because it is a thought.

I'm not sure if I'm articulating this right, pardon me. Language seems sort of foreign.

3) Over the past few days I've felt a sense of increasing terror and also elation.

Right now there is a deep sense of stillness as well as tons of fear and elation. I can't actually tell the fear and elation apart actually. I guess there is just a huge amount of energy.

4) The last bit that pushed me over were your "no matter what" questions in the last post. I don't know how to describe what went on there. But I felt an immense sense of freedom after. I went home and took a shower and laughed my ass off at the irrelevance of the thoughts in my head. I still feel that freedom. I also feel like I do not sit inside this body anymore like I used to, because there is nothing there. Thoughts at this speak of dubiousness at how it's still possible to exist. Also thoughts like "I made it".

5) Decisions just happen naturally, they are barely even anything. Automatic. Like a river following the current.
Intention is the same. It's not necessary for there to be an "I" for intent to occur. And there isn't. Intention happens on its own - just energy moving.

Wait a sec. Decisions and intentions don't even exist! They are thoughts too!
They are just thoughts. Movement happens and thoughts arise as though they were responsible for the movement. The sense of self happens there.

I sort of feel like I'm in shock.

Free will - depends on thought. Everything just happens on it's own.

Choice also happens on it's own.

Control - there is none.

[Vivien]

Dear Estella,

I'm happy to say that the guides are satisfied that you have seen through the illusion of a separate self and none of them has any further questions.

I'm sending you a private message, so please check your inbox.

Love, Vivien

[ebw]

I'm stuck on something.

Seeing stops when eyes are closed.

Then isn't seeing contingent on the eyes?

[Vivien]

This thread will be locked soon. So I write you a PM.