Looking for some direction

[Freddi]

there is still a strong belief in a me there

Question that belief. How is it manifested? Is it a physical sensation? Is it a contraction in the abdomen? Look at it. Is that contraction 'Brant'? Is it a sensation of aliveness? Give it your whole attention. Is that aliveness 'Brant'? Can you point to this strong belief in direct experience and show me where it is?

Do people get satoris when looking to crack this? Is it an indicator I'm on the right path or am i doing it all wrong?

A glimpse is an experience, it comes and it goes, just like a cloud. That is why ‘nothing has stuck’. Nothing sticks, ever. What is the background to all of that does not come and go. When the attention shifts to that background, it does not reveal a ‘you’ that could be on the right path, or who could get it wrong. But you already know that.

Ultimately I am not here to prove to you that there is no self, you have to prove to me that there is one. I am only pointing to the gate, 'you' have to go through it. You say you can’t find a self, yet your thoughts tell you ‘not yet’. You are clinging on to some expectation about a different experience, a fiction. Thoughts tell a story about a ‘Brant being stuck’, a ‘Brant who is on the wrong path’ but I can’t see that. There is only seeing. 100% of the time.

You see, Brant, it is soooo simple that the mind can’t see it, make sense of it, and it overlooks it. Just for a moment, get out of your mind stream, and come to your senses. See, touch, feel, smell, listen. What is actually happening, right here and now? Isn’t it a permanent miracle? Just the smelling, the hearing, the seeing, the touching? Stay with it, it is a constant celebration.

Would now be a good time to admit and accept that WHAT IS is ALL THERE IS?

Warm wishes

Fred

[Brant]

So I watched for an hour last night and an hour just then... not sure how to proceed anymore.

Question that belief. How is it manifested? Is it a physical sensation? Is it a contraction in the abdomen? Look at it. Is that contraction 'Brant'? Is it a sensation of aliveness? Give it your whole attention. Is that aliveness 'Brant'? Can you point to this strong belief in direct experience and show me where it is?

It manifests as a thought or an assumption in image-form... a brant face doing the thinking. Seeing the thinker is impossible but i try anyway to see how far I can push it.

Ultimately I am not here to prove to you that there is no self, you have to prove to me that there is one.

All the evidence so far suggests there is no me. It's like I'm shining a torch in every dark corner I know but when i move the torch to a new corner the previous one gets dark again.

Just for a moment, get out of your mind stream, and come to your senses. See, touch, feel, smell, listen. What is actually happening, right here and now? Isn’t it a permanent miracle? Just the smelling, the hearing, the seeing, the touching? Stay with it, it is a constant celebration.

I can do this, and this was what led to that satori last time. I have it in my mind that I need to float a question about 'ok now where is the me? Oh it's not there - click'. If I don't specifically look for a me - won't i just go present... I'm not sure what i need to do.

I'm also aware that it's every second day I'm all over the place and have no clue so things may change tomorrow. I'll look again now first though.

[Freddi]

Hi Brant,

So I watched for an hour last night and an hour just then... not sure how to proceed anymore.

Please consider this for a moment and stay with it: What are you looking for that is not already here? What expectations do you have about what seeing would be like? Give me a good rant on what you are looking for.

Freddi wrote: Question that belief. How is it manifested? Is it a physical sensation? Is it a contraction in the abdomen? Look at it. Is that contraction 'Brant'? Is it a sensation of aliveness? Give it your whole attention. Is that aliveness 'Brant'? Can you point to this strong belief in direct experience and show me where it is?
It manifests as a thought or an assumption in image-form... a brant face doing the thinking. Seeing the thinker is impossible but i try anyway to see how far I can push it.

What you give me here is not an experiential, sensorial manifestation, it is a content of thought. That can never be real. That ‘strong belief in a me’ is only a thought or an assumption. Is there a problem with that thought or assumption? Who or what is resisting it? Who or what is chasing it away?
Can you see a way to welcome it like a long lost relative at the door, allow it, surrender to it? It is only a thought, after all.

Fred

[Brant]

Please consider this for a moment and stay with it: What are you looking for that is not already here? What expectations do you have about what seeing would be like? Give me a good rant on what you are looking for.

I'm looking for a change... something where i don't have to be 100% vigilant 100% of the time to see there is no self... a knowing without doubt. Of course there is also deep down wanting to be a better self... this will make me better in whichever ways. I can suspend this wanting to be a better self when I'm focussed and looking but not other times.

But I get where you're going... this is all there is.

There's still something i need to dislodge though... sure i can see there is no self but it doesn't take long to get caught right up in the emotion of a thought when it has to do with a me... it happens in a flash... keeping up with the Joneses, comparing to others etc.

Is there a problem with that thought or assumption? Who or what is resisting it? Who or what is chasing it away?
Can you see a way to welcome it like a long lost relative at the door, allow it, surrender to it? It is only a thought, after all.

I will take this angle tonight and tomorrow and report anything... god... I'm still looking for a click... don't know how to get rid of expectations. But I'll try.

Been looking the last 30 mins - no focus.... mind wanders.... I look to try to see what is resisting thought and what is tuning into this sense and the next... it's hard to see with 100% certainty.

This is a crappy post... no focus.... ergh

[Freddi]

I'm looking for a change... something where i don't have to be 100% vigilant 100% of the time to see there is no self... a knowing without doubt. Of course there is also deep down wanting to be a better self... this will make me better in whichever ways.

Who or what is looking for a change? Who or what would like not to have to be 100% vigilant, who or what would like to be a better self? A thought? An idea? Can an idea be improved by a thought?
Is this anything more than a nice little mind labyrinth? This can go on and on, like a hamster wheel.
There is no preference for either, Brant. Sometimes Life plays at mind labyrinth, sometimes it doesn’t. Both are perfect. When you look into your direct experience, you find a deep acceptance of WHAT IS, naturally. The idea of Brant is out of the way. When selfing thoughts return, the feeling is that things SHOULD be different. Can it be seen that these selfing thoughts are also part of Life Life-ing, that these, too, can be deeply accepted as WHAT IS?

I look to try to see what is resisting thought and what is tuning into this sense and the next... it's hard to see with 100% certainty.

When you look for what is resisting thought, what do you ‘think’ you will find? Could it be that there is nothing there? There is just resisting, with no entity doing it?
What is resistance, in direct experience? Does it have any substance, any physical manifestation? Or is it just another thought?

Thanks!

Fred

[Brant]

Who or what is looking for a change? Who or what would like not to have to be 100% vigilant, who or what would like to be a better self? A thought? An idea? Can an idea be improved by a thought?
Is this anything more than a nice little mind labyrinth? This can go on and on, like a hamster wheel.
There is no preference for either, Brant. Sometimes Life plays at mind labyrinth, sometimes it doesn’t. Both are perfect. When you look into your direct experience, you find a deep acceptance of WHAT IS, naturally. The idea of Brant is out of the way. When selfing thoughts return, the feeling is that things SHOULD be different. Can it be seen that these selfing thoughts are also part of Life Life-ing, that these, too, can be deeply accepted as WHAT IS?

You're right. There is nothing else other than what is happening at the present moment - including thought dialogue. Resistance is just another thought along with the dialogue sometimes combined with a feeling or emotion.

'tuning' into one sense or another seems to happen on its own and that becomes the entirety of reality in that moment. Even thought is just thought - - the experience of thought. A me during thought disappears during direct experience. I've only experienced this for a fleeting moment though. Need to clear the mind and let thoughts think for themselves.

When you look for what is resisting thought, what do you ‘think’ you will find? Could it be that there is nothing there? There is just resisting, with no entity doing it?
What is resistance, in direct experience? Does it have any substance, any physical manifestation? Or is it just another thought?

Resistance is a thought, and it's tied to a self-thought. To resist there must be a something to resist. It also carries a feeling of steering thought.

I've been doing a lot of 'tapping into direct experience'... I know 'this is all there is' but i'm sure I'm not looking right or the universe isn't aligned for 'me' to see this... or thought to get out of the focus.

[Freddi]

To resist there must be a something to resist

Really? Is that a verifiable fact or an assumption? Does an action need an subject to be carried out? Get up, walk across the room and look at what is actually happening in direct experience, not in assumptions. Is there a ‘you’ doing the walking or is there just walking? What do you see?

I've been doing a lot of 'tapping into direct experience'... I know 'this is all there is' but i'm sure I'm not looking right or the universe isn't aligned for 'me' to see this... or thought to get out of the focus.

For the universe not to be aligned with ‘you’ there would have to be a ‘you’, separate from it. Can you see that? Is there such a thing?
You know that THIS IS IT. Does that mean that there is a ‘you’ that stands apart and is NOT IT? Is there WHAT IS and then a ‘you’ that needs to get to it?

Fred

[Brant]

Really? Is that a verifiable fact or an assumption? Does an action need an subject to be carried out? Get up, walk across the room and look at what is actually happening in direct experience, not in assumptions. Is there a ‘you’ doing the walking or is there just walking? What do you see?

what i meant was there must be a thought of a separate something for a thought of resisting to arise. Not to matter I'm still stuck so i need to keep looking.

As always there is only a thought of a me which pops up when checking to see who is performing an action. There is no evidence of a thinker except as a thought of a thinker.

For the universe not to be aligned with ‘you’ there would have to be a ‘you’, separate from it. Can you see that? Is there such a thing?
You know that THIS IS IT. Does that mean that there is a ‘you’ that stands apart and is NOT IT? Is there WHAT IS and then a ‘you’ that needs to get to it?

Every time when i check for a me i see it's just a thought... but i don't have an automatic knowing. I can watch and sure - me thoughts pop up... sometimes they also produce a feeling which the mind then interprets. I'm stuck, running out of momentum and a bit disenchanted.

15 minutes:

is experience happening to a me... or is it just happening... there is heater noise... there are thoughts of a heater... there is inner dialogue... thoughts of i shouldn't be tuning into thought dialogue... thoughts of there isn't an i to should... thoughts of expecting 'something to happen'... thoughts of 'what is heater noise'... realising thought has already taken the noise and applied an image to it... thoughts of 'am i looking right?' thoughts of 'how can i drive my attention to see there is no self without using thought'... assumptions of a me doing all those things... round the merry-go-round...

... resisting what is... that is a thought of a now wanting to be other that what it is... so many layers of thought claiming to be the thinker... spotting thought claiming to be a me appears to happen using thought... and always attached to the thought is a 'me'ness... thoughts again of wondering if just watching is enough to see the truth... assumption again that there is a me controlling all this... if this is just happening on it's own - what do things look like...

distraction.

[Freddi]

Hi Brant

1)

Not to matter I'm still stuck so i need to keep looking.

What is this but just another thought. Can you stand up? Can you walk? Can you go outside and smell the breeze, listen to the birds? Watch the sky? You are stuck - it this true? Question that little voice of Mr Thinky that tells you you are stuck because it knows diddly squat.
Who or what is stuck? A thought-Brant? Can a thought be stuck?

2)

Every time when i check for a me i see it's just a thought... but i don't have an automatic knowing.

Consider this for a moment: How do you know that there is such a thing as an ‘automatic knowing’, do you know what it would be like? Describe in direct experience what ‘automatic knowing’ is.

It seems there is still a search for an experience other than WHAT IS, right now, in front of your eyes. That is impossible. There is no experience other than what is alive right now and there is no ‘you’, separate from it, that can experience it. But you already KNOW this, really.

3) If I told you that what the Buddha, Ramana Maharshi and Jesus experienced was been just like what you experience now, would you still want something else?

Warm wishes,

Fred

[Freddi]

Hi Brant

How is it going?

Fred

[Brant]

Hey Freddi - I'm here til the end. I may need to take time off and regroup and re-attack though. Doesn't mean I won't still be working at it and watching and questioning.

The last week I've been looking and watching a lot. I've been looking at resistance and what it is, and also fishing around to see what I'm holding on to. It's all in the past now so I have nothing meaningful to report.

I did have a minor direct experience realisation that I've been operating under an assumption that the senses are separated sight, hearing etc but they all fall under only one 'experience'.

Who or what is stuck? A thought-Brant? Can a thought be stuck?

Being stuck is resistance to what is. Resistance is just a thought tied to a sensation or emotion.

Consider this for a moment: How do you know that there is such a thing as an ‘automatic knowing’, do you know what it would be like? Describe in direct experience what ‘automatic knowing’ is.

it is just a projection of an experience... so only exists in thought.

3) If I told you that what the Buddha, Ramana Maharshi and Jesus experienced was been just like what you experience now, would you still want something else?

Good point. Though we're seeking this 'no me' clarity for a reason right? I'm only guessing that once it's seen it brings about a probability of different thoughts arising. I don't know...

[Freddi]

Hi Brant!

I'm here til the end. I may need to take time off and regroup and re-attack though. Doesn't mean I won't still be working at it and watching and questioning.

No problem - I’m not going anywhere.

1)

Being stuck is resistance to what is. Resistance is just a thought tied to a sensation or emotion.

When this thought/feeling stuck comes up, question it: ask these questions and see what comes up:
How does this ‘feeling stuck’ manifest in direct experience, right now? Any physical sensation?
What is the part of thought in this?
Does the labelling thought that says ‘I’m stuck’ come before or after the sensation or emotion?

2)

Though we're seeking this 'no me' clarity for a reason right?

Ask yourself : Who or what is it that is seeking ‘no me’ clarity? Who or what needs a reason for this?
See what comes up and let me know.

3)

I'm only guessing that once it's seen it brings about a probability of different thoughts arising. I don't know...

What thoughts are expected? Fluffy kittens? Tibetan singing bowls? Too right you’re only guessing ;-)
It’s a bit like me saying once I know that the sun always shines behind clouds, maybe only white fluffy clouds will pass by. Clouds and thoughts are also part of WHAT IS, it’s only their content that creates an illusion, if believed in.
The question is: Who or what is expecting different thoughts? A thought? Can a thought expect, resist or think?

Keep looking at this resistance to WHAT IS (including the current thoughts!) and keep asking who or what is resisting? Can a thought resist?

Thanks!

Fred

[Brant]

Ask yourself : Who or what is it that is seeking ‘no me’ clarity? Who or what needs a reason for this?
See what comes up and let me know.

There is usually a feeling behind the eyes... followed by a thought of a thinker. if i trace the source of that thought and try to see it in real life it disappears. Then very sneakily another background thought arises that there is a me doing this tracing of the source of the thought... and so on like an endless number of layers.

I find myself in the position of not knowing how to approach this again... do i become really present... do i half weild thought to see if there is a me and half be present... i don't know... then frustration sets in which leads to:

When this thought/feeling stuck comes up, question it: ask these questions and see what comes up:
How does this ‘feeling stuck’ manifest in direct experience, right now? Any physical sensation?
What is the part of thought in this?
Does the labelling thought that says ‘I’m stuck’ come before or after the sensation or emotion?

a feeling of a knot in the stomach comes up, and a furrowed brow followed by the thought of a me with a furrowed brow... i can't tell if the thought comes before the sensation.

The question is: Who or what is expecting different thoughts? A thought? Can a thought expect, resist or think?

Keep looking at this resistance to WHAT IS (including the current thoughts!) and keep asking who or what is resisting? Can a thought resist?

Grasping/Resisting and what is doing the believing are some puzzle pieces swirling around... can't quite get them to fit together. I then went off to check why thought can't be believed... and realised that thought is literally no different than if there was a projector screen and movie playing on the wall... both are images... if the screen was showing a Brant that is the same level of reality to thought. Direct experience became a bit easier after that...

Looking for what was doing the resisting resulted in a less intense me feeling coming up. Still no shift though.

[Freddi]

There is usually a feeling behind the eyes... followed by a thought of a thinker. if i trace the source of that thought and try to see it in real life it disappears. Then very sneakily another background thought arises that there is a me doing this tracing of the source of the thought... and so on like an endless number of layers.

OK so only thoughts, then … is there a problem with these thoughts?

I find myself in the position of not knowing how to approach this again... do i become really present... do i half weild thought to see if there is a me and half be present... i don't know...

Who or what is this ‘I’ that is claiming all this? Can you point to this ‘I’?

a feeling of a knot in the stomach comes up, and a furrowed brow

A knot in the stomach, a furrowed brow, a bit like when I’m going to the dentist, then? Does that amount to a ‘me’? Is that ‘me’?

Still no shift though

Still struggling with that old expectation, then?

Saw this, and thought of ‘you’ …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zClfEcCi0i4

[Brant]

Hey Freddi. The past few weeks I've done something unusual... I've continued looking and watching. In the past I could only go 3-4 weeks before it became too much and I'd get kind of down on not being able to see what I needed to see. The weight of self has subsided - things are less personal now when it comes to self-inquiry.

I've actually broken the rules and have done some reading trying to figure out what that little event was and I'm pretty convinced it was a non-abiding awakening to put a label on it. The yo-yo affect has been pretty obvious - particularly when i 'lost it again', but I've settled on a new level which is different than in the past.

From my reading I'm told that non-abiding awakenings are the most common and the ones that stick are quite rare... Adyashanti says he started out with a non-abiding and then deepened it from there.

This insight which is triggered - does it happen only once generally then you move to a new process? Or do you keep triggering it until it sticks? Or do some people quite honestly not have what it takes to go all the way to abiding non-duality?

Thanks,

Brant.