Hi Vince,
So grateful for the "cleaning up" as a slight push pull in awareness is happening:
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
OK. Relief was the the feeling, like an oppression lifted, an imagined total responsibility for "my" life and "my" job and "my" future etc etc went in an instant and that was so unexpected!. Prior to that , there was no knowledge of that responsibility for everything .....not being the normal disposition.
A feeling of naturalness and relaxing, it's still settling as conditioning happens and then this is realised and there is a relaxation .... It goes like this.....a "conditioned response", a contraction, then in the realisation there is no I or Me and an expansion/relaxation.
Volunteering for a local association is a passion and there was a workshop on at the weekend where learning to facillitate groups was the agenda for the day. It became evident that even though there is no me to do healing work on a "myself", there are others who are suffering and need help. In the group sessions it is so important to take people through the basic steps and there was a thought that "can "I" do this work now knowing what has been discovered... is integrity still there when one thing is know and another thing is taught..keeping people in the dream and suffering?. "I" am trained as a counsellor and was planning to do a Masters degree next year so there has been reflective thinking happening there as to whether it is even possible to consider this now... however, people need to be helped throught the levels. So there was a bit of conditioned reactiveness and a me attached to that thought and then the realisation again that there is no actual "me" anywhere and then relaxation into a peacefulness and everything felt ok, the decision will be made or not and it's OK. There is certainly a whole different perspective of life going on here so whatever is to be done will become evident. Life goes on, working, catching a train, driving the car. However, not so many thoughts, thoughts rise and fall, they don't go on and on and on into a future that was believed to exist before a few days ago. Thoughts just drop off and yes Vince, they are beginning to hum like the refrigerator
Before the dialogue:
Totally believed there was a me running the show though I didn't know where that me was
Felt verly responsible for myself, job, family and future
Had stress about the future
Thought that becoming "liberated" was going to change me so much I may not have been able to go to work or do normal things again.
Felt anxiety at times making decisions
Always switched on to a high dial in energy, sort of buzzing like it could never be used up.
Head foggy at times and often over thinking
Believing "my" thoughts, trying to be at peace, trying to slow down or change the thought processes, always being affected by my thoughts caused so much suffering in my life.
After the dialogue
Knowing now for certain that there is no I or Me at all and never was
There is a lovely calmness and relaxation ... nothing is a bother
there is no feeling of anxiety or panic
Thoughts are different, there is more "being" in the moment and way less activity of past or future thoughts
It's likened to once having peripheral vision at 360 degrees of all my past and a perceived future and now its direct experiencing of what is directly in front of me and the peripherals have disappeared , only appearing vaguely
if having to remember something. My attention is way more on what is being seen in the moment.. very lovely!
A feeling of lightness, initially a little disappointment that seeing through the illusion had no welcoming party of lights, trumpets or euphoria however, that has settled and there is no disappointment in this lovely easy feeling.
The words "A peace that surpasses all understanding" is a good description of this recovery.
Preferences for foods, etc have not changed, there was always a high force of energy coursing through this body, and even though there is still great energy, it is felt more like a softer surging.
This whole experience of "relaxing" is like flopping into a big comfy chair after walking up a steep hill for an hour, when reclining into that chair and feeling" ahhh, that feels really nice"..
Will answer another question tomorrow.
Blessings and most grateful,
Elly
