Help me please . . .

[Sparsh]

1) Is the notion that 'feelings get absorbed into your body' totally in your imagination?

Thinking something, the feelings in the body are body's physical responses, which fade away with time.So, I guess yeah, the the notion of 'feelings getting absorbed in my body is totally in my imagination.

2) In your direct experience, where is the self in feelings?

Sitting, bringing thoughts, 'I' feel the feelings. Why do 'I' feel the feelings inspite of it being non-existent.

[stu]

Sitting, bringing thoughts, 'I' feel the feelings. Why do 'I' feel the feelings inspite of it being non-existent.

1) In your direct experience, what/where is this 'I'?

[Sparsh]

1) In your direct experience, what/where is this 'I'?

I'm not able to locate the 'I'.

But why do 'I' get hurt in the event of some unpleasant experience ?

[stu]

I'm not able to locate the 'I'.

Great! That is good progress.

But why do 'I' get hurt in the event of some unpleasant experience?

Interesting question.
1) Where, in your direct experience, is this ‘I’ that you refer to?
2) If you don’t find that ‘I’ in your direct experience, then could you explain in more detail where the notion that ‘I get hurt’ comes from?

[Sparsh]

1) Where, in your direct experience, is this ‘I’ that you refer to?

I'm the one sitting and contemplating. I'm the one bringing thoughts from past to ponder upon. I'm the one feeling my body on my bed as I write this.

2) If you don’t find that ‘I’ in your direct experience, then could you explain in more detail where the notion that ‘I get hurt’ comes from?

As I write, I feel like I"m writing, this is my body, I have weird problems with myself .

[stu]

It sounds like you think there's a ‘you’ that controls thoughts.
We have touched on the topic of thoughts on page 2 of this thread. So it might be helpful to have a look at that again now (see your post dated 23rd May).

I'm the one sitting and contemplating. I'm the one bringing thoughts from past to ponder upon.

Thoughts do indeed arise, and many of them seem to caused by the memory of past experiences or recent events. But do they really need to have an inner you that ‘does’ the thinking? Could they arise passively, just based on past conditions? Here’s an exercise to try:
Pick a thought, any thought, and reflect: What conditions might have caused it to arise? You might like to make a list.
Then select a thought that does NOT depend on previous conditions. 1) Can you find one? If so, what thought is that?

quote="Sparsh"] I'm the one bringing thoughts from past to ponder upon. [/quote] 2) Using direct looking, what is the past, and what is the future?

quote="Sparsh"] I'm the one feeling my body on my bed as I write this. [/quote] 3) If you focus on where your body is touching whatever you are sitting on (bed/chair/whatever), and really look at that sensation (ignore thought stories) what is it about that sensation that give it a sense of ‘you’?

As I write, I feel like I’m writing

Get up and walk. 4) Is there a controller that controls walking or
is there just walking?

[Sparsh]

Here’s an exercise to try:
Pick a thought, any thought, and reflect: What conditions might have caused it to arise? You might like to make a list.
Then select a thought that does NOT depend on previous conditions. 1) Can you find one? If so, what thought is that?

One thought with conditions that brought it:

1. My elder brother was nasty to me yesterday.
2. He likely did it because he was hurt with me.
3. I did an action that hurt him because he had spoken in a nasty way to me before.
4. He spoke in that way to me because I had, unknowingly, spoken in a bad way.
5. I had spoken in a bad way because I wanted to sound strong.
6. I wanted to sound strong because I had been hurt many times before for sounding weak.

Another thought that is unrelated:

1. Shopkeeper woman behaved in a bad way non-verbally with her body language.
2. She did it probably because there was, in my way of talking, something to do with proving to others how educated I am.
3. I probably did it because I feel I come across people as an uneducated low status person, in spite of me being educated in actual.
4. In spite of she ignoring me, I tried talking to her again in a friendly way again. But she ignored me again, hurting me even more.

quote="Sparsh"] I'm the one bringing thoughts from past to ponder upon.

2) Using direct looking, what is the past, and what is the future? [/quote]


Past is thoughts, it is a memory. Future is an anticipation of an event no yet arrived.
Actually it cannot be said that someone is bringing the thoughts. If I try to bring a thought, its a thought that affected me deeply, recently. If I think something something random, like imagination of something flying in the sky, its probably bacause someone on facebook constantly talks about flying away, and so on . . . .

If you focus on where your body is touching whatever you are sitting on (bed/chair/whatever), and really look at that sensation (ignore thought stories) what is it about that sensation that give it a sense of ‘you’?

The sensation of the bed touching my body gives me the sense of 'me' probably because I feel the body is me.

Get up and walk. 4) Is there a controller that controls walking or
is there just walking?

I'm walking. I decide to turn to the right. But I could have turned to the left instead. Why I turned to the right? Because I like turning to the right. Why I like turning to the right? I'm not sure. So, I cannot say whether my actions are being controlled, or its not.

[stu]

1) Just to be totally clear, can you find a thought that is not based on previous events?

Past is thoughts, it is a memory. Future is an anticipation of an event no yet arrived.

Absolutely. Both just thought stories. That means we can only ever have direct experience of the present moment.

With the walking exercise, I was intending to draw attention to the nature of walking itself.

2) When walking, do you need to focus on telling each leg to lift, swing, lower? Or does walking just happen?

The sensation of the bed touching my body gives me the sense of 'me' probably because I feel the body is me.

3) “The body is me” sounds like a thought story. Is that right? In other words, is it based on past memories?

Have another look at your direct experience of the bed touching your body. You need to be razor sharp with your attention… very quick. Look and see what happens in the first moment when you direct your attention to your body touching the bed.

4) Does the sensation of pressure/touch come first and then the thought story, or is it the other way around?

[Sparsh]

1) Just to be totally clear, can you find a thought that is not based on previous events?

Whatsoever random thoughts I think, it is in some way, related to previous events.

[Sparsh]

2) When walking, do you need to focus on telling each leg to lift, swing, lower? Or does walking just happen?

Walking just happens.

“The body is me” sounds like a thought story. Is that right? In other words, is it based on past memories?

Yeah, it is.

Have another look at your direct experience of the bed touching your body. You need to be razor sharp with your attention… very quick. Look and see what happens in the first moment when you direct your attention to your body touching the bed.

4) Does the sensation of pressure/touch come first and then the thought story, or is it the other way around?

They seem to come somewhat simultaneously. I'm unable to distinguish.

[Sparsh]

I get too depressed somedays, and I'm left completely unmotivated, I can't even make posts here in those days. So, please, bear with me.

[stu]

Sorry to hear about the depression. I hope that you have someone helping you to deal with it. If there is a delay in your responses, I’ll assume that it is due to depression, so no need to apologise.
That’s very interesting that you now say that ‘the body is me’ is a thought story. So let’s have another look now…
1) In your direct experience right now, where is the self in the experience of your body touching the bed. In your reply, please specify which parts of your experience are just thought stories and which are not.

[Sparsh]

1) In your direct experience right now, where is the self in the experience of your body touching the bed. In your reply, please specify which parts of your experience are just thought stories and which are not.

My body is touching the chair I'm sitting on. It's like I'm in contact with the chair.

I intellectually know the body is not me, but I'm unable to experience it.

[stu]

ok. No worries. Could you go into a bit more detail about the experience of your body touching the bed/chair? If you zoom in your attention to one single point of contact (e.g. left buttock), what do you experience? Is there pressure, heat, cold, tingling, itchiness, pleasure, pain, anything else? Do any emotions arise when you focus on that point?

[Sparsh]

k. No worries. Could you go into a bit more detail about the experience of your body touching the bed/chair? If you zoom in your attention to one single point of contact (e.g. left buttock), what do you experience? Is there pressure, heat, cold, tingling, itchiness, pleasure, pain, anything else? Do any emotions arise when you focus on that point?

Sitting on bed and focusing on one single point, the sensation of touch gives me a kind of pleasure. Focusing on the point of contact, there is a kind of 'wave' flowing downward through both my legs.