Hi Bill,

Thank you for the open invitation. I will probably take you up on it!
I have had these 'shifts' before, but somehow have found myself back looking out from the perspective of a contracted self....Albeit never as contracted as I was before I started looking, so perhaps there will never be a ...

Hi Bill,

I figured that if I sat a bit longer with the koan, I'd come up with something really insightful to say about it.... But all I can say is Yes.
Like if you pointed out the window and told me that the sky was blue and the grass was green, I'd nod in agreement.
With nothing to add.
And maybe ...

Hi Bill,

Yes, and also, is 'I' any more than an assumption. Is it any more than that in reality?
Can it be found in reality? Can it be pinned down and pointed to with certainty?

No to all of the above. :)
I can't pin it down, nor can I point to it with certainty. As soon as I look for it, it's ...

Hi Bill,

Thank you so much for clarifying that. That is really helpful.

Is there a self or an entity living your life?
Or are there just thoughts about everything, including a self, seeming to live your life?

I've spent the last two days really looking this. And I noticed that there is no ...

Hi Bill,

are you finding this iniquity good?
Yes, I really am. There is something special about really taking the time, and not trying so hard - there is more of a settling in to the looking, if that makes sense. Am very grateful to you for taking the time to do this.

That's not quite what I ...

Hi Bill,

What is it that other people could 'see' that you don't?
The self as an illusion. That there never was a self, and so just like seeing that there is no Santa, there will never again be a belief in Santa. I can see for brief, or sometimes more prolonged moments, that a self cannot be ...

Hi Bill

Who or what is wanting this 'freedom'?
I can't find any one or thing wanting freedom. The more I look, the more elusive it becomes. At this point, the only thing I can find wanting it is a thought saying it wants it.

Are you able to find Esme anywhere? Sensations happen, the mind ...

Hello Bill,

Thank you. I will look at the things you have suggested and get back to you. I very much look forward to dong the exercises. Thank you so much for bearing with me, it is much appreciated.

Hi Bill,

While you are noticing what is there.... is there any sign or view of a 'self'?
No. Over the past few days, I've also looked for any sign of a self not only when I'm just noticing what is there, but also when experiencing strong emotions like anger or sadness...Still no sign or view of a ...

Hi Bill,

Isn't this always the case?
That there is just what is going on?
Yes, yes I guess it is. Yes, definitely.


Right where you are now.. give a short description of what's happening within and around you. Be as descriptive as possible. What are you noticing? Seeing, hearing, feeling ...

Hi Bill

Who is it that feels this fear?
No entity can be found...Just a sense of contraction and of course the physical sensations of the flight response.

Can you find a self, if you look, who feels these fears?
No, I really can't. And yet, when it appears, not only is it hard to look, but ...

Hi Bill,

Thank you. I am taking my time with this, as I feel that there might have been a rush with the looking in the past... But I will always be back with answers, so thank you for being patient.

Its there for your protection... ask it what its protecting..
If you can get to a place of calm ...

Hi Bill,

So sorry for not replying sooner - I am subscribed to the topic but never got any notification.
I loved your post by the way...lots of resonance. Anyway, I digress. :)

What is it that you are fearful of in this type of inquiry?
I think there is a belief that I might go crazy; that ...

Hello Bill,

Thank you.

What are you searching for?

Still searching for the truth I guess; for seeing through the illusion. Awakening.

What would things feel like if you were not searching.

At this point in my life, seeking is not as fervent and desperate as it once was. But if I wasn't ...

Dear Vivien,

Thank you so much for guiding me, I really appreciate it. Thanks also to the other guides. I have really enjoyed this process.

Lots of love, Esme