I think I need a break, everything is very hazy and I've lost focus. I thank you so much for sticking with me this long, hopefully we'll speak again soon (and actually get somewhere =))

Society, people. No one really, no one that should matter. I would love to say "myself" right now but I'm tired of giving answers that just show I've gotten nowhere.

Probably fear. If I'm going to say "myself" it would be because of an interpretation of the fear that I sense.

Keep exploring, if you want. I'm not forcing you anywhere.

Of course not, but I am being very hard on myself. I want to understand things so badly and I get very frustrated when I just simply don't. Or sometimes I become skeptical, not really seeing how I can just let things be. I just feel that ...

Ok, it's happening 100% of the time. I don't want to write out too much because I'm in a pretty sour mood and I don't want to throw a tantrum at anyone. But yes, I can see how thoughts are labeling those feelings of frustration and anger, adding a narrative, etc. I'm not sure what that really means ...

I'm still not 100% sure what to do. Does pretending there's no you mean I just follow my gut all day? (Not even sure what THAT looks like) Does it mean acting like a hedonist? Does it mean pretending I was never born? Does it mean acting like an invisible rock? I'm confused.

I'll give it a shot, I've actually been trying it today. I have to really focus on what "no you" means or feels like though because I don't think it means inaction. Obviously I am going about my day, doing what I normally do, being called on to discuss this or that thing, etc. but what does it mean ...

So I guess there is no "natural" or "right" path to take, I can just allow my thought processes to continue doing what they do, worries and all, but with the recognition that they occur without a controlling entity. I think I need to practice things more, I'm making these statements on shaky ground ...

Do you want to feel good or do you want to see the truth?

I guess the truth is always better but I'd like the truth to be a good and positive one =( Even though that might not necessarily be the case.

Well, this doesn't sound like it feels good. Yes, why do you?

Well that's just it, I'm ...

I will go back and read again and do the exercises over. Tonight I am just too exhausted.

How do you make the decision to scratch your head, to eat a sandwich, to smile at someone? Or do those things just happen, and you label them afterwards with "I decided to do that?"?

Well those definitely ...

I think I am exaggerating a bit =) I basically feel like everything I am doing is for self-ish reasons and therefore, my world is never going to be a satisfying one. That's where all the anxiety and feelings of chaos come from.

I am trying to do the exercises every day but I don't always feel that ...

to be able to exist in the present and not in the past or future. I'd like to stop feeling like the world ("my" world) is chaotically spiralling into chaos. I'd like to feel the sense of oneness people desribe because I don't feel like the way I perceive the world right now is reality.

Mostly in thoughts. Mostly it's in thoughts about the way I'm feeling, the things I'm doing with my life, success/failure. I think A LOT and that's how I experience a "me," as someone who has these thoughts and therefore a "unique" perspective. Not unique in the sense of special but unique in the ...

How do you produce a thought in your head that says "look there?"

Okay, I don't, it just comes up. Even if I think "oh I'm going to produce a thought that says 'look there,'" that thought is also spontaneous. So the spontaneity, the lack of control, the just doing/being/existing, is there on ...

That there is an entity that did things. Or is doing things now. This entity is imaginary.

I don't really understand this, it's getting really abstract. How am I imaginary? How is my concrete, solid body imaginary? How are the actions that are done in real time and space imaginary?

Reality ...

Back!

With "character" I meant something like a character in a book or film, like Batman. Not character traits. Sorry for the confusion. Character traits - emotions and thought patterns - are real. But do they belong to a self? We are going to talk about thoughts later

Again, no idea how to ...