Hey Delma. Sorry for going off the grid for a bit. I've been able to sit down for the first time in several days now. Things have been busy. Not forgetting about this

Thank you for the article. It is indeed very relevant.

Let's distill this again because it seems you are trying to reason it out ...

Not sure if that's the reason. Maybe it is. There's definitely more of a realization that there isn't a prize waiting. I always thought I understood this, and then I sit here staring at nothing waiting for something akin to a brain orgasm, haha. There's the feeling of futility. If all the actions ...

Recap.

Still very focused on the wrong things. On pushing the right buttons to get the desired experience.

Thought makes claims, claims that feel real. Look outside of thought to confirm correct claims and disprove false claims.

Jed McKenna says start with any thought. Liberation Unleashed says ...

Hey Delma,

I'm not even sure if I'm in the hard place. It feels like I'm back at square one. Haven't seen a thing.

This process has let me clear up a lot of things, looking at what's seen instead of trying to see something that fits some beliefs. I threw away a lot of notes that now seem silly ...

I won't give up. I don't see a way back anyway. Thank you for not giving up either though. It really means so much, especially since now there's a feeling of despair, that I simply am too self motivated and dishonest to do this. Stupid, all this self talk, since it doesn't exist. At least the fact ...

You're right.

This is supposed to be earth shattering and Eli's treating it like a fun fact to tell at parties. Even now, something's listening to you, but Eli's immediately off pretending to surrender to see if he can fake it to make it.

Seeing isn't the issue. Like you said before, the question ...

Hello Delma,


What do you want to happen?


I'm motivated by making this constant concern with the character stop. With keeping up this persona, being congruent, consistent, fitting in some box, being approved by people, stupid things that don't matter and aren't real, ... Reallocate that ...

Hey Delma!

Who or what is having all if this trouble?

ME! Character me. This helped me relax about the ongoing storyline a bit and look more openly. The urgency and the frustration. I'm giving it power. Or, the power that it has is an illusion.

The I from these storylines isn't here either ...

Hey Delma,

I don't stop looking and it's becoming very frustrating. The few days away did some good. Realized I didn't get some of your hints before (duh).

About taking a step back from where I think I'm looking. The mind always seems to select where it thinks the I is, but as soon as that ...

I'm nitpicking, but I want to understand why you say that it appears as or in awareness. That sounds like a spiritual teaching. Maybe. But be careful of thinking that awareness is a thing that something either transforms into or is something contains an appearance.


I see it as a constant ...

Hey Delma :)


Can you say more about reality = awareness?


Awareness. Sitting here like a deer in headlights, trying to describe it. It's a collection of appearances, fused with a subjective experience of those appearances. To me, whatever shape or form I am, it's the sum total of direct ...

Hey now, no bypassing here! I said I'd be back with answers later and you said you were patient :p

Stop thinking about thinking

Right. Content of thought = not useful. I promise.

The truth doesn't waver. The test never fails.

Note to self, the test is:

Reality = awareness.

Object exists ...

Hey Delma. I was just writing the below to you as I got your reply, but wanted to share anyway. I read your reply and it's both 'nothing new' and a shock to the system at the same time. I'll be back once I took a good look.

---

I now see my first experience of no self, or whatever it was, was ...

That sounds about right. Though who am I to say what the experience was. Was several months ago when I was attempting a spiritual autolysis sort of thing and worked through a lot of the questions in Gatecrashers. At some point I sat there looking at thought and saw that it was just little movies ...

Ok, I'm back :) Honestly, there's so much in those messages, and I'm a bit overwhelmed. Many questions, and not sure where to look first. I think I need a narrower focus.

I'm looking at thought. Really looking. I didn't do that well enough before. Thoughts are weird. I notice it's like they're ...