Thank you so much for your guidance. Yes, this is just a beginning. The voices of doubt still arise, and will continue to arise. But now they do not need to be listened to as if they are true!

Small insights and experiences take on a new sheen and context with this new seeing and feeling. I will ...

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There is not, never was, a separate entity of a self or a me. It's extraordinary and ordinary that there never was. What is present now is seeing the habits, the streams of thoughts, the ...

Yes, I'm ready for the final questions.

There continues to be this quiet extraordinariness. Particularly in the mornings, when the voices are at their loudest; nothing needs to be done. No arguing back, no following them down the rabbit hole.

The strongest change is in the doubting voice, the one ...

How’s does it feel to see this?
It is quietly extraordinary. On one hand, nothing has changed. Still in the same place, with the same tendencies of the mind. And yet, it's like knowing a secret, a different way of seeing things that shifts perspective.


What has changed in normal everyday ...

Writing this after a long night and a morning sit.

Waking up in the night with the pull of anxiety, the constriction, the tightness. And breathing with it, breathing with it, breathing with it. Gently looking behind it. Again, and then again.

And then it breaks. Like a ray of light through a crack ...

Sitting with the fear in my body. A big block, on the right hand side of my torso, wedged beneath my ribs, pushed up against my lung. It doesn't move. It doesn't change. Can't go through it, can't go behind it. Can't force it to change. Sitting, breathing. Soften around it, allow it to be, make ...

There is no doubt. But there is fear.

How is that possible?

Over the last day and a half, the voices are so loud. Sometimes they are angry: 'Look! This is ME! Don't tell me I'm not here!' Sometimes they are crying, 'What do you mean I'm an illusion? How can this pain be an illusion?' All that can ...

Tell me, the sense of me, is it permanent or something that comes and goes? Where is it?
The sense of me comes and goes. It condenses and releases, like a fist closing around something and then opening to reveal nothing thing. It is nowhere to be found. Even when it arises strongly, I look and it ...

Much aversion arose today. A lot of resistance, melancholy, and many voices. As I walked around, stepped through my day, they swirled through my experience, escalating in tone, then declining. So believable, and then so ephemeral. I am completely 'in' them, and then there is no me at all, and there ...

I have watched your video twice now. At various points throughout the day, I have been listening for the silence.

Sometimes there is silence: quietness in the mind, spaciousness in the body. No boundaries.

Sometimes the voice comes, as you suggest: 'Hi, I'm here! This is me!' But when it's turned ...

I am asking this question in my body and listening for a response.

I cannot feel a clear sense of me. I cannot find it. There is a spaciousness, a boundlessness.

Ah - but then, at the edge of awareness, there is a subtle nudging. It is like the pressure of a knee on the floor.

Really this is a ...

Yes! The video you sent describes how I've used resistance to guide to deeper awareness. I often reflect on this quote by Eugene Gendlin:

'What is split off, not felt, remains the same. When it is felt, it changes. Most people don't know this! They think that by not permitting the feeling of their ...

Thank you, Ilona, for your response and your further questions.


When you say the sense of me, what do you have in mind?


The 'sense of me' is like a habit, something that has been happening for a long time. This is particularly true when there is pain, discomfort, or aversion. Different ...

Hi Ilona,

Thank you for chatting with me. Let's see where it goes.


Consciousness is, awareness is. Is this something that you do or something that is effortlessly here?

I may have once have said something like 'I can become more aware if I focus' or even 'My awareness broadens when I'm in ...

Hi Vivien,

Thank you for your response and for offering to assist me. I have been in contact with another guide, and am waiting to hear if they can guide me.

Please feel free to respond to another client instead of me.

Many thanks,
GabrielleDoe