Thank you :-), kind regards, J.

Yes, I understand. It may be better then to pause.
You can always come back to this thread if you want to take up the inquiry again and feel that the time is right to commit to it.
All the best to you,
J.

Oh, I just discovered your PM... I didn't check my mailbox, sorry.
Oh, and if I ever should give up, or even if i just feel close to it, I promise to post about that too, so we can talk about it first.
Good :-)

Oh no, you haven't lost me. I'm not giving up that easily. But I did feel lackluster ...

Nice that you are back! I already thought I lost you :-)
I notice that when I investigate inside "vs" outside, I continually go deeper with it, so I'll try and do this continually for a while and see where it goes. To take some time with it. In regards to your question, it's for sure both. Like a ...

Hey Malte, how is it going? Are you still there?

Alright.

Speaking of this I also want to mention a habit of mine which I think caused the trouble earlier with imaginary and real. I have a habit of jumping to conclusions and confusing thought of something with the direct, actual knowledge of something. So before we clearly separated out "real" from ...

Fine, "read you later" :-)

there is no center sense or center sensations to be found. Centrality is a concept, an idea, a thought. My eyes (visual sensations) and the tactile sensations of my head seems particularly “centrish” on the thought or concept level, on the sensate level though, nothing distinguishes them from any ...

Glad we're back from the forum maintenance period!
Yes!

Hope you've been well over the weekend.
I have, thanks :-)
But yes, look again - are these sensations which thought labels "sense of I" the self? Do these sensations do all those things that the self is supposed to be doing? Seeing ...

Right now, there is fear of seeing thorugh the illusion of an “I” completely. There is fear of falling apart, a fear of desintegrating, collapsing or segregating mentally. A fear that internal senses and thoughts wouldn’t be “tied together” the way they interact with each other now. There’s a fear ...

Yes, well, although it’s a realisation, it seems to be more of a cognitive revelation than an emotional one. I accept it when I discover it in the moment, then there’s a silent sense of “but i’m not sure it’s always like this” or “it might not be true tomorrow”. So there’s doubt, here! Some part of ...

Alright, read you tomorrow then!

Yes, that's ruled out. I can't "choose" any of those mental object - they're just being served up. Or "appearing". I tried checking in again, and I can't find any way to make a choice about what's next to emerge. And "I" can't choose what to submerge, either. It just happens.

I read a meditation ...

Those (things) under my control would be.. *sigh* - can’t think of any!
That's a sigh of regret I suppose? Couldn't it as well be a sigh of relief? :-)
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

I didn’t do anything to decide which thoughts to appear. Despite the sense ...