How do I start the process?

[anitakrishna]

Hello.

I have read the book "Liberation Unleashed", several blogroll and members post. Just from the process of reading, the days are flowing, life is happening, there is joy and there are reactions. There are old memories that keep floating again and again filled with anger and sadness. Is it simply sensations that are happening. I feel I am triggering these old habits of nasty thoughts. Please advise.

Thank you.
Anita

[nonaparry]

Hi anitakrishna! You have started the process. Will you tell a little about your journey so far?

[anitakrishna]

My journey started as a little girl when I wondered "Why am I here" and now 46 years later still wondering. Read all the world religions, Advaita philosophy, new age Gurus, i.e.. Byron Katie, Walsch, Dyer, Tolle, Universal Laws, NDE's insights, Osho, Muktananda, Krishnamurthy, Ramakrishna, Vivekananada and a favorite "Ramana Maharishi". Practiced meditation, mantras, prayers, energy healing and right living. Experienced 13 years ago in deep contemplation in the shower that "er" was a fiction (thinker, analyzer, doer, etc) and suddenly everything went still for a long time as in 2 years of silent chitchatter....and most of the time, chitchatter is quiet but always present and ready to jump in. Experienced astral travel, out of body experience, lucid dreaming. Believe since anything could or could not be true I would lead a life of kindness, couldn't go wrong with that kind of mindset especially if there is karma to deal with. Finally reached the stage where I didn't care what the Truth looked like, I NEEDED to know! And then two weeks ago while contemplating on the logic of lucid dreaming that a trigger can wake you up in a dream wondered if I could apply the same logic to the waking dream. Started to passionately search on google for waking up from a waking dream which led me to this site. After reading Liberation Unleashed and several posts, felt the rightness of this process.
And here I am now conversing with you.

[nonaparry]

Thank you. That is a long path.

What are your expectations of Liberation? What would Liberation look like, and what do you want from it? Please dig deep; unfulfilled expectations are the greatest obstacle this one has seen to Liberation.

love
Nona

[anitakrishna]

My expectations of Liberation is to know 100% the truth of existence. I am open. There is always this feeling that there is something more, something is missing, something something something.....very annoying and frustrating.

Liberation would drop the array of questioning of trying to make sense of life. Liberation would detach thoughts that make up new stories of the past that keep going in circles.

"What do you want from it?" - To stop this addiction of searching not out of frustration but out of knowing.

Thank you.
Anita

[nonaparry]

Thank you.

Next step is, What thoughts and feelings come up for you when i tell you this: there is no such entity as 'self'. None, zero, nada. There is no self at all in reality. No 'you' that lives your life. There is no self at all; no nothing but life flowing freely, all is one reality, one life. Life just IS.
Please answer in detail.

love
Nona

[anitakrishna]

"No 'you' that lives your life." - Thoughts:
Huh!
Then who?
How?
Very blank at the moment.
Puzzled.
Feeling lost.
Electrical pulsating.
But but but......blank.
Oh crap.
Now what?
Not even upset or mad.....
No questions at the moment.
"Life flowing freely" - how sweet!
At this moment.....silence.
Will write later.

[anitakrishna]

"No 'you' that lives your life".
Finding it very difficult to believe that despite the evidence presented. No matter what is happening, the evidence shuts me up. Open my mouth, then close it. This can't be it. It's almost like the action takes place first and then I follow right behind it. Isn't that being on autopilot because we already know how to do most things as far as basic living is concerned? And then there are these feelings of wants.....not necessarily really wanting something but still that persistence feeling of wanting. Then this feeling that there just has to be something beyond no "I". As of today, there is no evidence of "I", then what is there? Feel very empty almost purposeless. If life is flowing freely and if Life just is which also is believable because there is no evidence to contradict it, then why all this commotion of meditating, prayers, God, Universe, Energy, sages, karma, where does all this fit in. Sorry for the chaotic sentence.

[anitakrishna]

Something happened....suddenly woke up at 1 am.
Awareness popped
The whole searching was being done backward or reversed, looking was in the wrong direction, or rather from the wrong position
Difficult to express but everything is real but not from the perspective of Anita. Anita is a name given to a life being, along with the flowers, the grass, the buildings, everything. There is seeing happening.

Will see how tomorrow unfolds.

[nonaparry]

The answer comes from a particular segment of life. One organism. That is the I.

Not even upset or mad.....

Good; upset and anger are the defense mechanism Fear having a look-in. In Fear's absence, proceeding is smoother.

"No 'you' that lives your life".
Finding it very difficult to believe that

Doesn't matter — we're not looking for a new Belief here; you can believe it 'til the cows come home without SEEing it.

Open my mouth, then close it. This can't be it.

Why not?

It's almost like the action takes place first and then I follow right behind it. Isn't that being on autopilot because we already know how to do most things as far as basic living is concerned?

Yes indeed. Check it! Life lives, events happen, all without a Do-er, and afterward thought claps an "I did it" label on.

this feeling that there just has to be something beyond no "I".

Existence does not cease just because the Story there is an "I" is seen through. Everything that is real, that is, "that which does not disappear when thought about it ceases", i.e. computer, desk, window, tree, continues to exist. Only that which ceases to exist when no longer sustained by present thought about it, such as Self, Santa, Tinkerbell, Batman, disappears. Check it!

If life is flowing freely and if Life just is which also is believable because there is no evidence to contradict it, then why all this commotion of meditating, prayers, God, Universe, Energy, sages, karma, where does all this fit in.

Adya claims the purpose of disciplined meditation etc is to exhaust the seeker, and he may be right. Certainly hundreds of seekers show up here having spent 25-50 years chasing 'awakening'. And yet, it's right here under our noses. It was here all along. And THAT is the cosmic joke.

Awareness popped

Please try to describe this.

The whole searching was being done backward or reversed, looking was in the wrong direction, or rather from the wrong position

Yes; it's the human predicament!

everything is real but not from the perspective of Anita.

Can you describe how that works?

Anita is a name given to a life being, along with the flowers, the grass, the buildings, everything.

Yes; 'Anita' is a label, just like the others.

There is seeing happening.

Please describe what is being seen.

love
Nona

[anitakrishna]

If life is flowing freely and if Life just is which also is believable because there is no evidence to contradict it, then why all this commotion of meditating, prayers, God, Universe, Energy, sages, karma, where does all this fit in.

Adya claims the purpose of disciplined meditation etc is to exhaust the seeker, and he may be right. Certainly hundreds of seekers show up here having spent 25-50 years chasing 'awakening'. And yet, it's right here under our noses. It was here all along. And THAT is the cosmic joke.

All these activities are time fillers to occupy the searcher until it sees.

Awareness popped

Please try to describe this.

Literally the awareness popped. Instead of awareness seeing from inside the body boundaries, the seeing pops out and sees the body and all.

everything is real but not from the perspective of Anita.

Can you describe how that works?

Initially, the understanding, the questioning, the seeking was all from within the boundaries of the body Anita, from the perception of Anita within the body. Now, the perception is from within and without. The answering is from without using the within to type. There is Anita, the human being as alive as Rose, the plant being, as the cow, the animal being, everything in its place that makes a whole picture of Life Being.

There is seeing happening.

Please describe what is being seen.

What is being seen is what is happening. Seeing sees the moment unfolding. Seeing has no clue to what will happen in the next moment. It simply sees. An analogy would be of seeing life movie in the making and the script is revealed as it unfolds.

That is what is happening at this time.

With love,
Anita

[nonaparry]

Is the body 'Anita' you?

What exactly is 'Anita'?

Is there a 'you' anywhere?

love
Nona

[anitakrishna]

Anita is a name given to the body. The I, you, he, she, etc. seems like a pronoun for the purpose of the language to communicate one from another.

"Is there a 'you' anywhere?" The pronoun is not attached to anything.

[anitakrishna]

The seeing is not attached anywhere.

[nonaparry]

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this?

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?