Looking for guiding company...

[Vitaion]

I am feeling like a ripe yellow sweet tasting grapefruit still hanging on the tree – ready to let go any moment and being eaten by the Gods. Ready to fall off the branch. Any freshening wind welcome...

[Eloratea]

Hello Vitaion,

nice, poetic intro :)
Could you now tell us with few left-brain sentences about your background that brought you here and your expectations.
:) Thank you

[Vitaion]

Dear Eloratea,
I had to smile about your reply. Poetic, well that was the best way to start for me.
Here is some left-brain response and what brought me here:

My name is many names. There have been times in my life where I had 5 names at the same time using each one in different social contexts.
Okay, my name is Roswitha; this name has been give to me by my parents. I was born in Germany 52 years ago. . Sounds funny as I write it… The “I” was born …
When the “I” identified with the little lively life force called “Roswitha” this was the most painful moment I can remember. “I” must have been around the age of two years old. Before this identification-moment everything was happening in one space. When there was pain, there was pain in this space. When there was joy, there was joy. There is a faint memory about how that was… it was not a feeling… it was Isness… is just was…
Unidentified - unclaimed by any personal “I” or a “Me”-Story. Little Roswitha was talking about herself in the third person before the shift happened (I almost wrote the “shit” happened) … She said “Roswitha is hungry” Roswitha wants to play”… and there was awareness watching her …
Then the shift happened. Roswitha became “I” and “me” and an unbearable sadness accompanied this restriction.
At the same instance “I” knew that this is not my true home, these adult couple are not my true parents, they have stolen me from my home and I cannot do anything right now to find my way back home because I am much too little. So I decided to grow up fast and wait for the time until I am big enough to go and find my true home. So that’s how “I” became a seeker.

I think that’s it for a start. Thank you for walking along with me. Being in company is very beautiful and appreciated. I am ready to look… soberly… with 100% honesty, open and willing… whatever may surface…
My hope and expectation is to realize the truth of my Self for real and live in accordance with it.

With love, Roswitha

[Eloratea]

Hello Roswitha!

Thank you for sharing your story. Feeling of something's wrong and not belonging here is very common human experience and it is connected with false identification...

I am ready to look… soberly… with 100% honesty, open and willing… whatever may surface

I see you already know the rules here. :) Openness, honesty and focused engagement are really keys for this.

My hope and expectation is to realize the truth of my Self for real and live in accordance with

What is very important is that this is about realizing the truth. Full stop. Not truth of self or of anything else. We look into our direct experience here and now and see what is there, without any assumptions what should be there. Ok?
And upon realizing the truth living in accordance with it unfolds in its own way.

Now, tell me when you say - “I”, “me”, "my"- what do you refer to? Just look into experience and write, as describing the facts without interpretations.

Love,
El

[Vitaion]

Dear El,

Ok, looking without assumptions…

That’s so funny. When I started to write the first sentence I wrote by mistake “Ok, looking with assumptions”… I missed the word “out” in "without"….

Looking into it the “I” cannot be found really. Who is looking for the “I”? The “I” is always there ready to claim this life as its possession. There is the “I” which is identified with this “my” life, this “my” body, “my” mind and this “my” story as it is lived up to now.
And there is the “I”, which is aware of reading these words, hearing the sound of the refrigerator, noticing a car passing by on the street, hearing the sound of the gas heater switching on … this “I” has no location, at least I cannot find any location...

Thank you for your questions and the pointing, El. When I read your response there was a strong bodily sensation registered, a current of energy, quite strong. I will continue looking.

Love, Roswitha

[Eloratea]

The “I” is always there ready to claim this life as its possession.

But where? How can something that doesn't exist claim anything?
Let's look deeper in this.

There is the “I” which is identified with this “my” life, this “my” body, “my” mind and this “my” story as it is lived up to now.

Does the body has to belong to anyone to exist?
Does the mind and life belong to anyone; how?

And there is the “I”, which is aware of reading these words, hearing the sound of the refrigerator, noticing a car passing by on the street, hearing the sound of the gas heater switching on … this “I” has no location, at least I cannot find any location...

How about that there isn’t "I" at all?
That there is just awareness of everything. Body is there, hearing happens, breathing is going on, body moves… than come thoughts: I am doing this! Just thoughts passing through the awareness like the clouds on the sky.
Just look at the actual experience; truth is here, right now.


Best wishes!

[Vitaion]

The “I” is always there ready to claim this life as its possession.

But where? How can something that doesn't exist claim anything?
Let's look deeper in this.

It can't. I see that.

There is the “I” which is identified with this “my” life, this “my” body, “my” mind and this “my” story as it is lived up to now.

Does the body has to belong to anyone to exist?
Does the mind and life belong to anyone; how?

Body and mind can exist without belonging to anyone, e.g. when a person is in koma the body still exists. Same with the mind. Same with life itself.

And there is the “I”, which is aware of reading these words, hearing the sound of the refrigerator, noticing a car passing by on the street, hearing the sound of the gas heater switching on … this “I” has no location, at least I cannot find any location...

This "I" was refering to consciousness; awareness itself.

How about that there isn’t "I" at all?
That there is just awareness of everything. Body is there, hearing happens, breathing is going on, body moves… than come thoughts: I am doing this! Just thoughts passing through the awareness like the clouds on the sky.
Just look at the actual experience; truth is here, right now.

Best wishes!

Dear El,
Today in front of the workplace was a building site... noice was being perceived without anyone feeling disturbed. Despite of the difficult circumstance work was easily done.... unattached and happy....

Love, Roswitha

[Eloratea]

Today in front of the workplace was a building site... noise was being perceived without anyone feeling disturbed. Despite of the difficult circumstance work was easily done.... unattached and happy...

Sounds good my dear.
Life flows the way it flows, no one in charge, no one to blame, no one to be blamed, no one to be disturbed…, cause and effect playing its game…

This "I" was referring to consciousness; awareness itself.

Does the awareness need “I”, does the life need “I” to be?
Is the self real?

Love

[Vitaion]

Does the awareness need “I”, does the life need “I” to be?
Is the self real?

No, awareness just is :-)))

[Eloratea]

Is there you in any shape or form? Was there ever?

:)

[Vitaion]

No. All that is perceived is endless space...

It is so funny, when I read these kind of conversations the mind couldn't understand and was trying to figure it out... it could not stand under it to grasp it...

Now there is knowing in the space called awareness... this night presence was one with the ocean, it was the ocean... the waves have been heared very loud and sense-perception of fear came visit and disolved whilst presence was watching as awareness...

Do you understand, El? It is not a big bang. It is softly sliding in... in a very sweet way...

Love, Roswitha

[Eloratea]

Hi there,
yes, it sounds sweet :)

Now I would like you to answer some questions to see more clearly where you are at (also for other friends reading this in the process of confirmation).

1. What is illusion of self and how it is created? How it operates in life? How would you describe it to someone who hasn't heard about it?

2. How does it feel to see through this illusion? Liberating?

3. Was there some final, definitive push that made you see it?

Just look in experience and write from there with 100% honesty. (Don't think what others said about their experience.) Take your time, and be thorough and clear in descriptions as possible, but without too much effort. :)

If there are still any doubts, questions.., you are welcome to put it here.

Love,
El

[Vitaion]

1. What is illusion of self and how it is created? How it operates in life?

Illusion of self is the sense of being separate in order to experience. Without the illusion there is no experiencer, no experience - no-thing is happening...
Illusion of self is created by resisting the stream of life, and it operates by resisting the NOW, howsoever it shows itself to be. WOW, that’s so simple and the mind says it’s demanding as well, but this is not true. It is most easy and joyous ☺

How would you describe it to someone who hasn't heard about it?

It depends on who this someone is and if and what he/she want to know...
Most important is welcoming everything with total openness – don’t resist. Let it flow through you choiceless, limitless – love everything and let it go…

2. How does it feel to see through this illusion? Liberating?

It is a deep deep relaxing into beingness – a valley orgasm ☺ it is like looking from the mountain peak deep into the lush spring valley, BEING ALL INCLUSIVE at the same time. "One without a second" as the Advaita-people call it…☺☺☺ Yes liberating and after all these words of trying to describe it, it’s so ordinary. Makes me smile and smile and smile…

3. Was there some final, definitive push that made you see it?

Yes, only realized it later! When you asked “How can something that doesn't exist claim anything?”
This went deep. Later on when I was walking home from shopping suddenly a perception of the body carrying the shopping bags occured, but there was no “me” or “I” involved in carrying. And as a result of this perception the weight of the shopping bags felt much lighter ☺

If there are still any doubts, questions.., you are welcome to put it here.

No doubts. No questions here… if any come up I will ask them. Thank you very much, Eloratea for guiding me, deeply appreciated. There is a song text, which speaks perfectly of how I’m feeling now … it says: “Calm under the waves as I choose to sink…”

With gratefulness,
Roswitha

[Eloratea]

Hello Roswitha,
It seems that this grapefruit fall of the tree… :)

I shared your answers with other guides and it appeared one more question regarding this:

Illusion of self is the sense of being separate in order to experience. Without the illusion there is no experiencer, no experience - no-thing is happening...

Can you explain bit more what is meant by this? Life goes on with or without identification…like with animals, babies…

Thank you

[Vitaion]

Dear El,
Yes and No, the grapefruit was never hanging on the tree ☺ in the first place.
No hanging - no falling ☺
Like in the Zen Koan “No Water – no Moon”, when the full moon was reflected in the bucket of water carried by a monk, suddenly the handle broke and then there was “No water – no moon.”
... it seems like the poetic sense is still enjoying being expressed ☺

There is such a joyous sensation felt in the body/mind, slowly expanding… the entire day happiness was/is present…

Now to further clarify in answering your question:
Without the apparent illusion of separation there is no experiencer – no “I” identifies with the experience, therefore apparent experiences are unassigned and no experiencer is identified. It is like looking into a mirror. The mirror has no opinion about what is reflected in it - therefore no experience is recorded.
By No-Thing is happening is meant everything IS SEEN… everything FLOWS…

Thank you so much for your support and dedication, and there is a clear knowing that this is just the beginning,
ALL love, Roswitha