Request for a guide

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Kate
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Request for a guide

Postby Kate » Sat Sep 17, 2016 1:39 pm

What brings you to Liberation Unleashed?:
Since 2000 I have passed a series of spiritual teaching. Few years later I was on my knees, crashed by life, I was pushed to the edge of illusion that I have lived. I was taken to the starting place where I dived in illusion. 10 years later I figured out I am going in circle and just stopped to “control my reality”, it was so exhausting for me. Life has started to happened on some unexpected way without me "imagining and creating" some "better reality for myself". Day by day I rose myself from the ashes and go on with life that was happening around me. In my best dreams and imaginations I could not have imagined that some things would come to me even though they did. Life himself has had better ideas for me. :))
4 years ago I received PDF "Gateless Gatecrashers" from my friend without knowing what it is about. So, I read this and saw that "I" no exist. I was so excited about that, I laughed to what I believed was reality, only then seeing the absurdity of it all, felt an increase of inner joy, and tried to share my experience with some close friends, but nobody could understand me. Eventually I jumped in life routine and noticed some things never be the same and then came a series of “small deconstruction of illusion”. But then again I slipped in illusion and I identified myself with some needs and wishes and let the emotions take me over so I was broken again but this time rose myself faster.
Eventually I slipped again in the same situation and then I realized that I need to change something and that I don´t want to go there anymore. I was tired. But, it was sweet place of illusion and I wanted to taste it just a few days more. In the last year felling of meaninglessness of everything around me was stronger and stronger and I start to question my beliefs Then life has created a situation for me and I woke up from “enchanted dream”. Few days ago I opened my Facebook and information about “Deconstruction of illusion” came to me. I was immediately attracted by that and started to read articles, watch some videos and then remembered that I have transcripts “Gateless Gatecrashers”. So I just jumped on your website.

What are you looking for? What do you expect from this?:
I am looking to see clearly trough illusion. When I read "Gateless Gatecrashers" I was very close to this door, I was there for a moment, and can remember of that state "I am not existing" and that taste of liberation. I want to go there.

What is your background in terms of seeking and inquiry?:
I remember that I questioned reality when I was 12. I could not except that this is all, just you was born, go to school, find job, pay bills, get married…died. As a child I was pushed in a religion like others children. I was not some serious Christian, I went in church because my parents ordered it to me. I have always preferred communication with God "face to face" not trough some institution. Last few years I have started to question myself about beliefs that I got through religion, I even go back there to give it a chance again but very soon I saw clearly that most of them are nonsense.
17 years ago I begun to explore spirituality. Some Angels communication, Tonglen, some techniques from Kabala, meditation, ETF technique, how to “control” your reality and to create the one you wish… and many techniques that I don´t know the name,5 rhythm dance, School of Movement Medicine(more shamanic approach to dance), shiatsu school. 10 years later, I just let all this techniques because I noticed that I am spinning round. Then I discovered Eckhart Tolle and The power of now and also let it go and decided just to be and go with the flow. In that phase I had some strong spiritual experiences with immaterial entities. In this phase I received "GG" transcripts. This play with entities was funny for a while, but it has started to exhaust me. I began to feel like "I don´t want to spend my life in this world of good and bad entities, fighting with some demons. I want go out from this. This is not reality I want to live" 4 years later I am here again.

How ready are you to question your beliefs about who you are and see the truth no matter what?: 10

Original Title: "This place is a dream. Only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn, and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief."

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Canfora
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Canfora » Mon Sep 19, 2016 10:39 am

Hi Kate,

Welcome to LU!
And thank you for your introduction. I'm Sandra and I can be your guide if that's okay with you.
Reading what you wrote, it seems to me that you are ready to drop all that searching and see for yourself if a self exists or not. This path isn't a "way out", "it's a way in". What I mean with this is that instead of trying to escape what is going on here and now, you will need to face this reality as it is. I will point where you need to look (I've been there before so I know the path) and you will look (or not). We will be focusing into your immediate experience, getting closer to facts - and leave the stories about you to the side. Do you feel that this is what you want to do?

Looking forward to our conversation,
S

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Kate
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Kate » Mon Sep 19, 2016 4:42 pm

Hi Sandra,

yes , I want to see where I am in this moment and to see reality as it is.
Thank you for quiding me trough this process.
Kate

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Canfora
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Canfora » Mon Sep 19, 2016 4:55 pm

Wonderful, Kate! Let's do this! Do you have any fears around this exploration? Fear of change, fear of disappearing, fear of not being able to see what is being pointed, etc, etc? Fear, if not dealt with, can prevent us for moving forward... so what happens if I say there is no separate self at all in reality, no agent that is in charge, no manager, no watcher, no owner of life, no Kate?

Watch, wait, notice, write - what comes up? Is there fear? Is there doubt? Resistance? Frustration? Something that wants to scream and make a turn away, something that says this is not working? Or maybe there is a feeling of wow, joy, relief?

Notice all that is going on inside and just put it down in writing.

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Kate
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Kate » Tue Sep 20, 2016 6:32 pm

HI, Sandra,
When I saw message from you I felt excitement.
Ok, I am watching all day and notice some new moments.
There is some fear of losing God, more like I was sorry to lose “him” :) And there is bunch of some saints, and other “imaginary friends” living in my mind.   
With whom I will talk when I am alone hmmmm.??? :) :) :)Almost like a child when realize that Santa not exist.
Few weeks ago I asked my friend what she is doing when she notice some dark entities and she told me: “O I tell them “You are not exist”” So I thought that she ignore them and I said to myself ”Starting now, I can ignore them to”
There was some old flow of thoughts I rethink today:
Ok, there is observer, somewhere on some bench watching life, then I realized that Observer is God himself (it was funny moment then) or some sparkle of God who is driving this Katarina avatar on this planet, so then I realized that I send all my prayers to myself :) :) :) Ouu shit( hope it is ok if I use this word if is not I apologize):) Some kind of paradox.
I asked myself where is that “bench” where he is sitting and nothing I found. I cannot find that “effacing observer” anywhere in my body to. Hi is only in my mind, he is just a thought. I found out that it can be everywhere and nowhere, it is shapeless. It is just awareness. And finally it is not exist in this reality.
So, naturally comes to me, if that part of who I thought I was not here I do not exist to.
My friend pointed to me on this, yes, If I am not exist, all this entities not exist, this is not just “let ignore them and thy will disappear” :) :) They do not exist.
This shapeless entity called “I” does not exist. Katarina does not exist. I feel some kind of release when I look in that.  some gentle joy rises.
So, I do not exist in this reality or nobody else do not exist and this reality drives itself with all this human characters etc., what is the point of this illusionary reality???
Awareness just is, and observing is happening without driver, manager. Somehow I am confused here. I am looking for connection between awareness and this self-sustaining reality .
Enough for today. Sorry for my English, it is not so good.
Katarina

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Canfora
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Canfora » Wed Sep 21, 2016 10:36 am

Hi Kate!
When I saw message from you I felt excitement.
Same here :)
There is some fear of losing God, more like I was sorry to lose “him” :) And there is bunch of some saints, and other “imaginary friends” living in my mind.    With whom I will talk when I am alone hmmmm.??? :) :) :)Almost like a child when realize that Santa not exist.
Ahah. Yes, I understand what you're saying. We aren't trying to change anything. And what happens in "mind" can't be changed - do you have any control over your thinking? Thinking changes, all the time, but can you change the content of your thoughts if you want to - example: can you think only happy, joyful thoughts till the end of this day?

So don't try to change anything. Be gentle with yourself and notice what is happening while it is happening - that's enough and easy to do (although it may require some practice...).
Few weeks ago I asked my friend what she is doing when she notice some dark entities and she told me: “O I tell them “You are not exist”” So I thought that she ignore them and I said to myself ”Starting now, I can ignore them to”
Maybe you can look for evidences of their presence instead of trying to ignore them?
I asked myself where is that “bench” where he is sitting and nothing I found. I cannot find that “effacing observer” anywhere in my body to. Hi is only in my mind, he is just a thought. I found out that it can be everywhere and nowhere, it is shapeless. It is just awareness. And finally it is not exist in this reality.
So, naturally comes to me, if that part of who I thought I was not here I do not exist to.
My friend pointed to me on this, yes, If I am not exist, all this entities not exist, this is not just “let ignore them and thy will disappear” :) :) They do not exist.
This shapeless entity called “I” does not exist. Katarina does not exist. I feel some kind of release when I look in that.  some gentle joy rises.
Good.
Awareness just is, and observing is happening without driver, manager. Somehow I am confused here. I am looking for connection between awareness and this self-sustaining reality .
When you write things like "I am confused" and "my body"... what do these words point to? If I ask you to point to your self, to what would you point your finger?
Enough for today. Sorry for my English, it is not so good.
English isn't also my mother tongue. Don't worry about that!

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Kate
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Kate » Wed Sep 21, 2016 3:10 pm

Hi Sandra,
On daily base I am aware that all this stories are just thoughts and I can see all things that happened around me through the humor. It seems to me that I sometimes forget that all of that are just a thoughts. Actually, just need to look .  I thought I lose control but now I can see that under all this stories and thoughts we keep like ours there still is control. I wasn´t aware that control is so deep. When I take all ownership under “stories of my life” I can see fear of losing control and disappearance. As I writing this I also can see that this is just a thought under all thoughts. So, yes, I am aware that thoughts happening without anybody control them, they just come and go, bed, good, happy, sad, some brilliant…etc. and I am aware on daily base that “I” can´t change them and even don´t try. Some thoughts that “we” like, mind labels like our thoughts and some of them we just let go. But all of them exist without ” me” in that. I am aware that I in my writing is just “I” lol

"I am confused" and "my body"... both of them are just a thoughts. I see clearly that “I” don´t exist in this reality. I can´t point any entity on this planet and say it is “me” there. So, body exists in this reality, mind exists in this reality, thoughts are flowing, and it is just a thought that mind labels as “my”.
“yourself” I can´t point to anything. Again just a thought, labeling.

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Canfora
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Canfora » Wed Sep 21, 2016 4:45 pm

Thank you for your answers! Do you think there is a you in other reality? If your answer is yes, how do you know there is a you in other reality? How is this you experienced?

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Kate
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Kate » Fri Sep 23, 2016 6:27 am

No, I don't think that I exist in some other reality.:)

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Canfora
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Canfora » Fri Sep 23, 2016 12:16 pm

What is thinking then?

Can you write a little more about how you are experiencing this seeing?
Does this seeing change anything? Do you feel you can believe in the existence of a self again?
Do you have doubts?
What's going on?

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Kate
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Kate » Fri Sep 23, 2016 4:34 pm

Hi Sandra,

When I answered this morning I asked myself “Why you are pointing me in this direction about another reality. So I looked what I wrote before and noticed repeating “…in this reality…” more than once. Yes this is looking like I am pointing on existence of some other reality. Then I looked again in this formulation and came on other sentence I wrote in our conversation before : “Awareness just is, and observing is happening without driver, manager. Somehow I am confused here. I am looking for connection between awareness and this self-sustaining reality .”
I knew that there is some confusion in this last sentence.
I let it go an done some business of the day and took “GG” transcript to read one conversation and there I just stopped on one sentence.
There is that sentence: “The Universe is not working through you, but as you. It expressing itself in different forms.”
I told myself “Wait, wait …look at this carefully. Stay with this for a while, don’t take it easy, look” I read this few times, took a nap, woke up and it was clear to me then. :) :) :):)
There really was some confusion, all the time I saw universe/awareness separated of “this reality” and yes it can pointed on existence of two separated reality in “my” mind.
If I say “The universe is working THROUGH Kate.” It is pointing that Universe is separated from life, but if I say “The Universe is working AS Kate.” And “It is expressing itself in different forms” it is pointing that it is part of life.
This confusion from the beginning is gone. :)
Lots of things is going on around Kate, but I fell some easiness and acceptance and these little inner smile raising time by time.
I also noticed that I was attached on some beliefs taken from religion and there was real conflict in me, I really couldn´t see clearly through this beliefs and this conversation with you really helped me to look through them and to see clearly what is true. It is funny that we need just remember to look through things, to ask questions when they arise in front of as. :) :) :).
Yes, It is clear to me that there is no “me” and “I” doesn’t exist and never will. I don’t believe in existence of self.
K.

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Canfora
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Canfora » Fri Sep 23, 2016 5:04 pm

Wow! This was fast!

Can you please answer our "standard final questions"? They're "designed" to check if we missed some form of identification with a self. If after you finish all seems clear I will ask the other guides to have a look at this conversation and if it is not clear we can talk a little more :)

Here are the first 3, you don't need to answer them all at once - please answer from your own immediate experience:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.

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Kate
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Kate » Sat Sep 24, 2016 10:48 am

1 )Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
Nobody´s home! Hahaha
No, I can´t point to any separated entity and there never was. When “I” look life happens I almost can see all these people and other shapes on this planet like cartoon characters and it makes me laugh. So much worries, serious faces, dramas, efforts to keep control… and all this because of the belief in the existence of “I” entities. I almost can hear this funny music from cartoons.


2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

Life is just happens, thoughts flow, mind does its job, selects and labels them like “mine” “I”, “self”, emotions raises, awareness is, observing just is but there is no any separated “me” to do all this things. There is no doer.
Kate exists and mind labels “I am Kate”, laptop exists and mind says “my laptop”, writing is happening and mind labels “I am typing” “Shit happens…” and mind says “Shit happens to me” Hahaha … These are just another thoughts, just labels.
I probably will say “I”, “me” “myself” a hundreds time in the future to express something but it can be funny and strange if I go around and speak in “Kate is…Kate goes… Kate feels..” form. But I can do that at home and with pats ( I can get one) just for fun and to not forget. Hahaha

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
When I opened your last post emotion raised in body, and 3 or four tiers dropped. Hahahaha.
Well, Kate is an emotional character.
First time I saw through illusion (4 years ago) it was like big bang, i saw this cosmic joke and laughed few days, it was dizzy.
Now it was pretty quiet and there isn’t any big bang. On the beginning I felt like I am cornered. All “my” beliefs are no more “held water”. But, I was afraid to lose them. With all those stories (thoughts) it seems like I am someone special. Ha ha . This was just a fear of disappearing.
There were some beliefs and some conflicts in mind that disabled me to see through illusion. When I really looked in them, these beliefs felt down like leafs in autumn.
All truth has been in front of me all the time and I just needed to look in it, to ask.
Mind is quiet. There is some joy and easiness.
If I ever run into some new questions or beliefs I know where to look someone to talk to. :)
I will keep to look and if something else comes up I will write you.
Thank you so much for quiding me, Sandra! Gratitude.

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Canfora
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Canfora » Sat Sep 24, 2016 6:50 pm

Ah, I love all that laughter in your answers!
I will keep to look and if something else comes up I will write you.
Yes, let me know if something comes up.

Meanwhile, here are the other 3 questions:

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for?
Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?
Thank you so much for quiding me, Sandra! Gratitude.
Thank you also. You're welcome.

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Kate
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Re: Request for a guide

Postby Kate » Sat Sep 24, 2016 8:39 pm

If you somehow, somewhere run on me, I am sure you will recognize me by laughing. Hahaha

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It was these few sentences from “Gateless Gatecrashers” which resolve conflict about separated realities. It has rang in “my” ears like truth. I wrote them down, translated them to feel how it is ringing in my language. Everything was clear. I will write them on the wall in my home. Hahaha
“Life is, things happened, they don’t happened to you, but as you!”
“The Universe is working not through, but as you!”
“It´s expressing itself in different forms!”

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for?
Give examples from experience.

Decision, intention, free will, choice and control. It is illusion that we make some decisions or we have some intentions, or we have some free will, choice or control.
Programs run themselves, things happen by themselves and acceptance happen to, there is no doer to make some decisions, to have some intention, to use free will, make some choices, or to take control, it is happens without our effort, without “us” in that.
I am not responsible for anything. Hahaha It is such release, I fill free, feel liberated.
It is just a thought that “ I” make some decision, or “I” have some intention…mind labels.
We can think that we have a choice and use free will to choose some direction, we think that we can create some better reality for ourselves by making decisions and having firm intention to change our lives (It is very often content of many workshops of personal growth and spiritual workshops and I attended to many of them, lost few years on that, and I thought that I am something special because of that knowledge, that I am different, better, not ordinary Hahahahahaha ), we think that we have control over this creating process but somehow something always goes wrong. We think that we can choose between left and right and this is illusion (left and right illusion :) ). We can think that we made some bad or good choices, and that is also illusion because we are not responsible for anything and that is because there is no any “I” or “me” or “self” to be responsible for anything.
It is because all this is illusion and life just is, things happened, and we are not..
:)


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