Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

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goingwithin
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Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby goingwithin » Sun Apr 12, 2015 7:03 am

I recently had a break through and got a glimpse of .. What felt like the truth. The experience was glorious though fleeting. I've had glimpses in the past but none as real as this. I truly felt I'd come home.. But it faded and I'm unable to get there unaided again. Please help as frusrtion is taking over and im getting buried again.

Blessings.. Sharon

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Ilona
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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby Ilona » Mon Apr 13, 2015 7:21 pm

Hi Sharon.

Welcome to LU. We can have a chat.
Can you tells bit more about what happened and what is not as you expected.
Kind regards
Ilona
Truth realized will set you free.
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goingwithin
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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby goingwithin » Tue Apr 14, 2015 2:58 am

"Can you tells bit more about what happened and what is not as you expected."???

Hi Ilona,

Before I answer I'd like to thank you for giving me your time to help me with this.

I have been seeking the truth for many years now, on and off in intensity. In the past year I've had this "..sense.." for lack of a better word, of something different, a change of sorts within. It was felt as body sensations that I attributed to stress but on investigation could not find the true source, yes Id gone through a rough separation but this had happened six years ago. A restlessness is possibly one way of describing it. I was reintroduced to meditation through a friend and though it didn't help me in my search (by the way I had no idea of what i was seeking) in the past this time, along with Satsang it helped me realize what it was that was being sought. "Who am I" which in turn led to "what am I".
Though very interesting I wasn't "getting it". I tried to clear all expectations or preconceived notions out off my thoughts so as to see. Frustration happened a lot and there were times I felt I was going to quit searching ...maybe there was nothing to be found.....ah ha!!!
That was my focus one night at Satsang just a week ago. I was questioned that night about what "I" I was...where and what I felt "I" was. The sensation of an awareness of what I was was there, but when asked to see that "I"..really look.. I saw nothing !!. Yet in saying "nothing" it falls short as it wasn't frightening no loss of self as I then realized there was no self..nothing .... I started to laugh at the absurdity of it... but it felt true...like a weight that I'd been carrying was suddenly lifted. Wow...it was that easy to see ??? I was exhilarated laughing and high as a kite. Beautiful .... glorious. On the drive home everything was alive not in a freaky way just felt like it vibrated along with my own life energy. I still was in my body, just felt drunk or stoned but without the fogginess of either sensation. I was able to talk to my friend through this and made realize that it was ok, I wasn't losing my mind though I felt I had lost it but was fine with that.
That night I slept well though woke in my usual fashion on and off. There was this strange silence though which trust me I welcomed, this lasted through the next day, this silence, but gradually the thoughts started coming back and before i know it doubt was happening. "Did i just imagine all that"??? Must have wished it so hard that I thought it rather than experienced it!!. But when I tried to see where I was there was no sense of me other than the body that I saw and felt things with.
Self doubt has been with me since. I would like to be clear that what I went through is authentic. I feel it is as it is a sense that has always been with me. Nothing really new, which I feel speaks of its authenticity. I hope this makes sense to you!!. Forgive me if I've not been clear...or too lengthy in my answer.

Blessings Ilona. Looking forward to your reply.

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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby Ilona » Tue Apr 14, 2015 7:44 am

Hi Sharon,

Thank you for detailed answer. I hear you.
It's not uncommon to ask- did it happen?
Sounds that it did. You looked, and it was clear, there was nothing there, where you thought that the I was.
Did it happen is not the right question to ask now. It's calling for the memory of past event, something that is already gone. The right question to ask- where is this I now? Is it here now? What is this sensation happening to? What is doubt happening to? What is behind the doubt?

What do you expect that should be different?

Please take time with these questions and write what comes up.

Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby goingwithin » Tue Apr 14, 2015 11:00 pm

"where is this I now? Is it here now? What is this sensation happening to? What is doubt happening to? What is behind the doubt?"

There is no 'I' to identify. Just a sensation of life being. This causes frustration to happen as words fail to express this sensation of "being". The sensation is just happening now and always. Not to anyone or thing, no-thing, though in awareness, it could be said that it (the sensation) is in the body as Life courses through it, sensations happen. In order to express this in words identifiers are employed, but they are just tools of expression. I, Sharon, mother, partner,friend, human. Labels but not what "i" am. I am NO THING. Just life experiencing life for lack of a better expression.
What is behind the doubt is that this feels like it is known by all. Like common sense..!!!Yet why do we cause so much pain and frustration in this search when it is so simple??. "None so blind as those that will not see" ?? Is it really that simple? It feels like it is but if so why is it that doubt is happening? Is there a truth missing here?

I appreciate your patience Ilona.
Nameste.

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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby Ilona » Wed Apr 15, 2015 7:16 am

Yes, it's really that simple. And it's not a common knowledge. It's simple when you look for yourself. It's obvious. But if one never looked or does not even know that there is this option, then one believes in a separate entity in charge of life happening, driving the body, and so on...

Good thing- you can always stop and look, what is happening here now, in this moment. The truth is not hidden.

Now have a look- are there other separate selves? What makes them so? Are there other I -s driving bodies?


Write what feels true to you.

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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goingwithin
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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby goingwithin » Wed Apr 15, 2015 9:59 pm

Hi Ilona,

"are there other separate selves?"

No separation is felt or seen so no. Right now I feel satisfied that it has been seen and sense that this is the clarity that is needed to live this life well. Growing for the pure joy of it, living in LOVE of and for all. No judgment but if it should arise investigate it ... understand it and let it go, or drop off. There is likely going to much of this but just observing and not letting those thoughts be they good or bad, define what I am. How can they?? Very "Liberating" .. Thank you Ilona.

Lots of investigating and weeding to be done quite possibly, but right in this moment it is quite and blissful.

Namate.

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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby Ilona » Thu Apr 16, 2015 7:51 am

Wonderful.. Yeah, it will take some time to settle..
Can you tell the difference how was life seen before and after seeing? Was there ever a separate self?

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby goingwithin » Sat Apr 18, 2015 10:53 pm

Wonderful.. Yeah, it will take some time to settle..
Can you tell the difference how was life seen before and after seeing? Was there ever a separate self?

HI Ilona

Sorry for taking so long to reply.
In order to answer your question though, it means having to reflect onto that time before and the feeling that comes up is that in truth the only difference is clarity and confidence. A sense that I’ve just realized that I was searching for something that I already knew but can now embrace and move on. I know there is a lot of work to “clean House” but the fear that that will swallow me up and life will be unrecognizable has dissipated and the realization that life just needs to be lived feels “right” now. Its more of a shift in perspective, attitude even. But life is good..get moments of bliss though fleeting bring more clarity in there wake…not sure if that makes sense or not but it is what I have been experiencing.

As to the second part of the question..was there ever a separate self ? This one causes a lot of confusion as I need to reflect back and it becomes foggy again. To be honest .. no… in one part there never was, how could there be? But did I buy into the roles that I thought were what defined what “I” was?? … yes!! So depending on how one would interpret the question these would be my answers.

Trust that my interpretations were correct but if not please direct me further.

Again thank you for your time Ilona,

Love and blessings.
Sharon

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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby Ilona » Sun Apr 19, 2015 9:11 am

Great answers, thank you!
Can you say with a big fat YES, it's clear that separate self, I, is an illusion? If so, would you like to explore somehting else here or would you like to answer out 'Final questions'?

Much love your way..
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby goingwithin » Sun Apr 19, 2015 8:03 pm

Can you say with a big fat YES, it's clear that separate self, I, is an illusion?
Thanks you for getting back to me Ilona.
To answer your question, fear is happening. This is a felt sense in the abdomen. One that is very familiar to me. That the "I" is an illusion is clearly felt as the truth but because of its simplicity doubt happens. Is there still something that needs to be seen here then to inquire?. Nothing that feels that it is anything but thoughts happening. Possibly if its okay with you Ilona that some more guiding needs to happen here. It would be great to feel that the answer could be a resounding Yes and a big fat one to!!. No doubt sensations present... Thank you again for your patience and time Ilona.

I will post this now before it gets lost again.

Blessings and love as always,
Sharon.

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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby Ilona » Mon Apr 20, 2015 7:54 am

Thank you for honest answer, Sharon.
The fear is here, because it's protecting something, something that feels at threat by simplicity. Can you look and find out, what is being protected and from what exactly? Just feel the fear, welcome it. Sit with sensation for a bit, making it ok to be here. Then look behind it. What is there?

We can talk as long as needed.
Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby goingwithin » Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:58 am

Hi Ilona,
Again thank you. Yes what is seen is the( for lack of a better word) "ego". Layers upon layers that it has created to protect itself. But its known that it is but a load of thoughts. I no longer believe them. Fear has left this building !!
"Freedom of these chains that bind" right?? Loving this ..thank you. This is fascinating to watch or sense the unraveling of all this illusionary "stuff" Ilona. Feel free to do what you feel is the next step here. Feeling it ...

Blessings and love your way Ilona,
Sharon.

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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby Ilona » Wed Apr 22, 2015 6:08 pm

Great! Sweet to hear that fear has left the building!

It would be a good point to have a look at some stuff closer. Like- are there layers of thoughts? How do you experience layers of thoughts? Are they coming in one by one one at a time or many?
One one level it's ok to say that there is ego that is trying to protect itself as a model of what is going on. On another, you can look an see what is that in actuality that gets labeled ego. What does this word refer to?
What is that wants to be protected? What is that gets freed?

Much love your way.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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goingwithin
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Re: Looking for a guide thro this process. please help

Postby goingwithin » Thu Apr 23, 2015 8:45 am

are there layers of thoughts? How do you experience layers of thoughts? Are they coming in one by one one at a time or many?

Hi Ilona,

There appears to be layers of thoughts, they manifest in labels that have been identifiers for me, for example "you couldn't be right...its not that simple...your not that smart to have figured it out" That was my thoughts for myself all my life that have held me back from trying new things, lack of self esteem but full of self doubt that has made my life so full of misery and suffering. Generally they present one at a time.
see what is that in actuality that gets labeled ego. What does this word refer to?
What is that wants to be protected? What is that gets freed?
What gets labeled " ego " it the identifiers that have been with me for most of my life. Most are negative I realize which is sad !!. It's what had become familiar and accepted to be who I was. Fit into how I perceived others judgement of me.
Insecurities, old patterns and behaviors were my excuse for everything that went wrong in my life and plenty did.
Now it is clear it was ego..just thoughts.
What was it protecting?? Those same negative thoughts...self pity...excuses for all the perceived wrongs in my life. It was a comfort in the most twisted way to think that they were the reason for my unhappiness and if I'd just done this or that all would have worked out as I'd planned. Nothing but distractive negative "thoughts" !!!

To live in such a delusional state for so long is sad. Yet so many of us have done just that and believed those terrible lies that we thought to be truth.

So to conclude Ilona, for me what gets "freed" is "LIFE" to be lived to the fulness and richness that It is meant to be right here and now.

Sorry if I rambled a bit .. it is hard to explain yet it is so easy to know.

Again Ilona,
blessings and love,

Sharon.


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