I'm ready to investigate

[Antony]

Hello

Antony here

[vinceschubert]

vince here Antony.
Talk about what you are ready to investigate and what are your expectations.

[Antony]

Hello Vince,

Thanks for the reply. I am wanting to investigate why i am experiencing fear, loss, depression. I am expecting it to end once the truth is seen.

Antony

[Antony]

I might also add that i have this belief that i will have to go through a whole lot of fear to get beyond it

[vinceschubert]

why i am experiencing fear, loss, depression

Antony, i understand where you are coming from, and the results certainly may be the end of these things.

go through a whole lot of fear

This may or may not be the case either.
It is certainly possible that you may simply leave these things behind when you see how things work.
Is is possible for you to put aside your expectations about what will occur ? (that is notice when expectations creep in and simply acknowledge and ignore them)
Can you commit to posting every day ?
Can you commit to staying with this process until it finishes ?

[Antony]

Hi Vince,

I understand this may well be the case regarding the emotions i've mentioned and the expectations.
I can notice that expectations are just that and can leave them alone.
I don't see why i can't commit to posting every day. If for whatever reason it is not possible i'll let you know.
I want to stay with this process until the end.

Antony

[vinceschubert]

Excellent Antony,
You say;

I am wanting to investigate why i am experiencing fear, loss, depression. I am expecting it to end...

Describe this I, who is wanting to investigare, who experiences fear, loss, depression. This I who is expecting it to end.
Just spill your thoughts, don't edit what you write. Be 110% honest with yourself and me.
Describe this I.

[Antony]

Describe this I who experiences these things....

It doesn't seem to make sense. I mean i say i feel these things and i want them to be over but i couldn't describe who this 'I' is. There's nothing to describe

[vinceschubert]

How do you mean "there's nothing to describe"?
Tell me from your own experiencing. Nothing second hand. No beliefs.

[Antony]

It seems quite confusing. I say 'i feel' or 'i think' but i have no idea how to describe what the 'i' is that thought and feeling refer to. If i just look there's nothing there i can speak of. I can think about what the i is but that's not it.

[vinceschubert]

Is this a new discovery ?

[vinceschubert]

Antony, tell me how self works.

[Antony]

Hi Vince,

It's difficult to say this is a new discovery or something that's been around for a long time. I'd say more that it's been dawning on me for sometime. A few months ago i had a flash of something, like something cracked. I have no idea what any of this is and i don't really have anyone i feel i can speak to about it. That's why i am here. I could talk about the past a lot here. I'll leave it up to you to decide whether it's relevant or not.

Tell me how the self works?
All i know is that there's a sense of someone being here. Although now i've said it i'm not so sure. Now there's some fear. Like i'm afraid to really look.

[vinceschubert]

Ok, that it good. Fear is good. It means that we are pushing the boundaries.
Welcome the fear as a friend who is trying to tell you something.
What might that something be ?

[Antony]

I feel like i'm at an impasse when fear comes up. I go stiff, feel kinda sleepy and numbed. Like i'm too tired to look anymore and don't want to look anymore. I get distracted and then it subsides. Then i'm confused as to how it rises again for me to really look at and investigate. Then i'm frustrated.
So now i don't know what fear might be telling me. My mind has an idea but i don't think that's it.