I'd like to be guided please.

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vimalamitra
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I'd like to be guided please.

Postby vimalamitra » Sat Dec 07, 2013 12:04 am

I started my initial guided experience with Illona on 27 oct in the wild woods. I'd like to continue to be guided by Illona if she is willing, and I dont mind waiting until Illona re-starts.

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Ilona
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby Ilona » Sun Dec 08, 2013 9:39 am

Hi vimalamitra,

Thank you for the call and welcome to the forum! It's great to see you here.
We can have a conversation and I will help you to stay focused on the inquiry.
Let's start from expectations.

What are you looking for?
What do you think should be different then what is now?
What do you expect to change?
What do you want to change and what you don't want?

Just be honest and open, bring all the expectations here, including the hidden secret ones. The more you bring up now, the less to deal with later.
So no rush, take your time and write when ready.

Looking forward to see how this unfolds.
Much love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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vimalamitra
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby vimalamitra » Sun Dec 15, 2013 12:37 am

Thanks Ilona for offering to Guide me. I am really grateful. -To conclusively see through the myth of me/mine and be free from being caught up and lost in the torrent of thoughts and emotions associated with 'me'.
-The thoughts, feelings etc will go on ...but by being able to see through the 'me' story there will be a gradual unwinding,loosening up and more unhindered flowing of Life.
-If the above starts to happen I expect there will be a gradual untightening, more opening to others and more arriving into the Present- here and now. The rest is unknown, but is exciting and frightening.
- I'd like to be less re-active, more flowing, more aware and more at ease being Here in the Present- and not trying to escape from reality!
-I think I dont mind changing anything.

Love Vimalamitra/Graham.

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Ilona
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby Ilona » Sun Dec 15, 2013 9:33 am

Hi graham :)

Thank you for answer. Your expectations are not overblown, so all good. Just leave them aside for now, we can come back to them later. In order to see with fresh eyes just keep in mind, that this is nothing what you expect anyway, so no point to expect anything.

What comes up, when you let this thought in- there is no separate self, no entity I, that is living life, no I that is in charge, manages, orchestrates, controls what is happening. No doer of deeds, no thinker of thoughts. All there is is life flowing freely, as this.

What triggered yes...but...?
What is most difficult to let go?
How did body rect to this?

Describe fully what happens when you sit with this for a few minutes.

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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vimalamitra
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby vimalamitra » Mon Dec 30, 2013 12:11 am

Sorry for delay in answering Ilona- went to london for 10 days and modem there was down.
N/S: What I experience is Enhanced present/being, a widening, opening, spaceousness and a kind of excitement. there is also an integration with the spaceousness. Trigger: Holding, cluching-not letting go. Most Diff t L Go: an addiction to distraction and Doing, filling Space and time. Difficult to hold to just Experiencing. To let go of initial Anxiety. Body Response? : Some Intensity in forehead area, But Hightened Bodily Experience and Spaceousness in the rest of my Body.
Much Love and Thanks Ilona.

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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby Ilona » Mon Dec 30, 2013 9:54 am

Hi vimalamitra

Nice to see you back! I thought you disappeared.

It would be best if you made time to write at least once a day.

Are you trying to hold on to just experiencing? Why? That looks like mind gymnastics. What is not welcome?

Are you the doer of holding on? Are you the doer of letting go? How do you do that?

Are you actually in control of what is happening? Check right now. What are you in control of? Can you switch on and off seeing with eyes, hearing sounds, sensing, feeling, thinking? Are you in control of beating heart, weather outside, this body reading these words?

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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vimalamitra
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby vimalamitra » Tue Dec 31, 2013 1:48 am

Hi Ilona- Yes I will try to keep to responding daily!
-It does seem that 'I' trys to hold on, or let go. But when I look I cant find any 'I'. There just seems to be open space.
-N0 I'm not in control of what happens. What happens just happens. But I think I am in control of my responses to what happens.
-And No I cant switch my senses, feelings and thinking off. They just happen. They just appear.

Love, vimalamitra.

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Ilona
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby Ilona » Thu Jan 02, 2014 9:04 am

There is a contradiction here :-"N0 I'm not in control of what happens. What happens just happens."

And "But I think I am in control of my responses to what happens."

Have a look how it really is. How does response happen? Is there a pause, while I is making decision, then I responds?
Does thinking that I is in control make it so?

What is the I that thinks that?

In other words, have a look, directly at thoughts, where are they coming from? Can they be stopped? See what you notice, when closely examine thinking mechanism.

Is there a thinker?
Do thoughts talk to another thoughts?

Happy new year!
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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vimalamitra
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby vimalamitra » Fri Jan 03, 2014 11:09 pm

Thoughts just appear......
There seems to be no particular place where they come from.
There is just a flow of thoughts, a flow of feelings

Any responses to these flows seems to be simultaneous

Looking, I dont see a thinker ........just the flow.......And........?

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Ilona
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby Ilona » Sat Jan 04, 2014 8:39 am

So we have a flow of thoughts, flow of feelings, sensations, perceptions, is there a centre to which this flow is happening?
Have a look.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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vimalamitra
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby vimalamitra » Sun Jan 05, 2014 12:35 am

Sensations and physical feelings happen in the body.
There are areas of a little intensity- again particularly around my forehead, and there is a tendency to assume that thoughts are associated with this area.
A lesser tendency to associate feelings to around the heart area.
But when I look closer and more calmly, the flows of thoughts and feelings expand out, and there seems no centre to which these flows go. They come from nowhere and they go nowhere.

Thanks Ilona!

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Ilona
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby Ilona » Sun Jan 05, 2014 9:10 am

Let's examine this closer
Sensations and physical feelings happen in the body.
Is it body that experiences or body too is experienced?
Does hearing happen in the body?
Does smelling happen in the body?
Does seeing with eyes happen in the body?
How about touch, is touch inside or outside the body?
Taste?
What sensations happen in the body? Or they happen as the sensation of body?

Have a closer look and write what you notice.

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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vimalamitra
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby vimalamitra » Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:51 am

The body doesnt experience the sensations or feelings. But bodily sensations and feelings are experienced, in a similar way to which perception is experienced.

Although there is the habit of mentally associating hearing, smelling and seeing with the ears, nose and eye.......when looking deeper and closer there is just the hearing, the smelling, the seeing. The experiences dont seem to have any centre. They just are.
Touch is a bit more difficult to be clear on! Seems more centred round the hand and the object touched.
Taste seems to be more centred around the tongue/mouth. - But maybe its just the same as the first senses- just a bit more difficult to see.

This is quite a difficult one to get to! When there is enough awareness and attention, and the experiences are just experienced as more of a flow, sensations are not in the body they are just experienced.

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Ilona
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby Ilona » Tue Jan 07, 2014 9:08 am

Great work.

Take some object, like a pen, or something else, close your eyes and put it on your hand. Hand and pen touches, where does it happen? Can you know the shape and colour from the touch? Is there a hand without a memory of it? What is a distance between ends of pen without memory of it? Play with this with eyes closed, then yes open.
Put hands together and feel sensation, where does one hand end and another begins? Where touch sensation happens? How about feet touching floor and bum touching chair, is there a distinct line where that happens?

What does word body point to?
What does word mind point to?

Have fun with this.

Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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vimalamitra
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Re: I'd like to be guided please.

Postby vimalamitra » Thu Jan 09, 2014 1:37 am

There is just the sensation of touch. There is no experience of 'where' the touch is. 'Where' just comes in when thoughts/memory starts up.There is no idea of shape and colour- only with thought/memory.
In the pure experience of touch there is no experience of a hand - or of length ot the object of touch. It is only when thoughts come in that they appear.
Pure Touch seems to expand when focused on. -There is no clear distinct line of place of the touch experience.

The word body points to a seperate entity to its surroundings.

The word mind points to a seperate centre of awareness and mental activity.


With Thanks, vimalamitra


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