Am I there yet?!

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Maybetoday
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Am I there yet?!

Postby Maybetoday » Fri Oct 25, 2013 6:50 pm

Hello

I recently completed reading the Gatecrashers book. I had many small aha moments as I was reading and then, close to the end, an almighty smack in the face moment of clearly seeing no self. This was followed by two days of busy bliss, with the judge and jury in my head silenced and my zest for life knowing no bounds. Then last night the whole damn courtroom returned with a vengeance.....darn it!!

So as much as I would like to think I am there, I would love a guide to confirm it and hopefully help me with this roller coaster ride.

Many thanks

Fiona

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Sarah7
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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Sarah7 » Sat Oct 26, 2013 8:30 am

Hi Fiona
Im Sarah and I will be happy to guide you.
Can you please confirm you have read the link below.

http://www.liberationunleashed.com/

In particular, these points are very important. There are a few ground rules, please respond to confirm:
1. You agree to post at least once a day. What's needed is focus and intensity.
2. In general, the guide will ask the questions for you to respond to.
3. Responses require your utmost honesty. Be 100% honest. It is very easy to deceive oneself, especially when it comes to something as subtle as the intimacy of your direct experience. Strive to be completely honest and transparent as to what is actually happening in your experience, this will make the process as smooth as possible.
4. Responses are best from direct experience (felt senses and observed thoughts). Long winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress. Write from direct experience, not speculation. It is impossible to understate the importance of this; in order for any Direct Pointing session to be successful, it is your responsibility to examine your experience as it is, instead of resorting to speculation and theory-forming. The only way to get to the Gate and beyond is by directly looking at your actual experience of reality.
5. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies and such for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily and essential meditation practice, it is fine to continue that.
6. Please learn to use the quote function; instructions are located in the link below this line:
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

OK. Shall we begin?
I recently completed reading the Gatecrashers book. I had many small aha moments as I was reading and then, close to the end, an almighty smack in the face moment of clearly seeing no self. This was followed by two days of busy bliss, with the judge and jury in my head silenced and my zest for life knowing no bounds. Then last night the whole damn courtroom returned with a vengeance.....darn it!!
Can you elaborate on the small aha moments please and the almighty smack!

Do you expect the bliss to remain permanently? Look - what is permanent, anything?
Look forward to working with you. Sarah xx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Maybetoday
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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Maybetoday » Sat Oct 26, 2013 12:13 pm

Hi Sarah

It's a pleasure to meet you and many thanks for guiding me. I have read the link and the ground rules and am happy to proceed.
The small aha moments were clarifying that I was not looking for anything external to myself but looking for what wasn't there - as in a fictional character. I could see that if I imagined myself as a baby I would have been experiencing life directly with no labels or thought of me - just being. "I" was something I learned as I grew. The almighty smack happened when I got to Greg. Then, what had been theories crystallised into really getting that "I" is just a thought or label, that life happens through me, but is impersonal, and I make it personal after the event. So things happen, feelings happen and "I" pop up and think "I like this, or I don't like this" and believe it is all happening to ME, rather than just happening. (There's a lot of happening in that sentence!)

The realisation made me laugh - "I do not exist. I am just a construct. There is a body, thoughts, feelings, events but no self. No one these things are happening to.

The other thing I realised as I read was that "I" am not in control. As an example I will stand in the shower forever, playing ping pong in my head "I should get out now v Just one more minute". Backwards and forwards. And at some point I will just get out. No conscious decision made - it just happens. I saw that I have what I now call a decision manager who decides things and all the thoughts I have about what to do are irrelevant as the decision seems to get made elsewhere.

Oh Sarah - it was bliss! The depression I have carried around for the last few years disappeared. I just lived for a couple of days. Letting the manager make decisions and having a party with no one there! Then something happened that bought up the realisation of one of my less appealing character traits and it all became personal again!

So when you ask:
YES! I did expect it to remain permanently! Ha Ha. Doh! I guess that my idea of enlightenment was that "I" would feel permanently happy - no more struggling with those darn inner demons! For me, it is not that I expected life to be a bed of roses but that I would no longer have to struggle with all the thoughts of "I shouldn't have done that/ been that/said that".....all those judgements which get in the way of just being. (I was going to say just being ME, but there is no me!)

Yet it seems that seeing there is no self does not stop the thoughts that there is a self continuing. A single moment of clarity cannot wipe out 53 years of conditioning. It seems to me that I saw no self and then "forgot" there was no self and "I" popped back up with all my dirty washing!

Damn! Help!

xxx

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Maybetoday
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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Maybetoday » Sat Oct 26, 2013 12:18 pm

Sorry Sarah - it appears that the I haven't quite got the hang of the quote thing - I'll crack it for next time!!

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Sarah7
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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Sarah7 » Sat Oct 26, 2013 5:29 pm

Hi Fiona
Then, what had been theories crystallised into really getting that "I" is just a thought or label, that life happens through me, but is impersonal, and I make it personal after the event. So things happen, feelings happen and "I" pop up and think "I like this, or I don't like this" and believe it is all happening to ME, rather than just happening.

Right Fiona – Im going to have a little look around your answers to several questions Im going to ask and see if there is anything else that needs looking at or if there are any other expectations that crop up. I may even repeat some stuff. Does that sound OK?

Right now what does ‘I’, ‘me’ refer to? Where does this ‘you’ reside even if its just a label or construct?
Then something happened that bought up the realisation of one of my less appealing character traits and it all became personal again!
Can you elaborate here please.
YES! I did expect it to remain permanently! Ha Ha. Doh! I guess that my idea of enlightenment was that "I" would feel permanently happy - no more struggling with those darn inner demons!
Who would be struggling here? Are there thoughts that there shouldn’t be struggling thoughts and then there are feelings attached? Thoughts criticising thoughts? Do you see this paradox?
The inner demon – is this a labelled thought story? What is there without the labels and the story? I want you to stare at the demon if it turns up. Pick it apart, pretend its under a microscope. Write down what you see. See the labels, thoughts and stories trying to attach and look past them to the bodily sensations. Just be with the body sensations.
For me, it is not that I expected life to be a bed of roses but that I would no longer have to struggle with all the thoughts of "I shouldn't have done that/ been that/said that".....all those judgements which get in the way of just being. (I was going to say just being ME, but there is no me!)
What gets in the way of just being? Did you stop being because you had a judgement thought? Or was judging just happening?
Yet it seems that seeing there is no self does not stop the thoughts that there is a self continuing. A single moment of clarity cannot wipe out 53 years of conditioning. It seems to me that I saw no self and then "forgot" there was no self and "I" popped back up with all my dirty washing!
Stop thoughts? What could do that? Did you create them in the first place? Can you control them at any time, in any way?
What could forget? Another thought?
Love Sarah xx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Maybetoday
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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Maybetoday » Sat Oct 26, 2013 7:05 pm

Good evening Sarah.

Thank you for your reply and questions - here goes!
Right now what does ‘I’, ‘me’ refer to? Where does this ‘you’ reside even if its just a label or construct?
Before I would have said I am Fiona, a person who likes thunderstorms and blue cheese etc. and that I am the total sum of my personality, thoughts and body. Now "I" refers to the thought of I which appears to be in my head; so the thought I am is just a thought.
Then something happened that bought up the realisation of one of my less appealing character traits and it all became personal again!

Can you elaborate here please.
I suspect that because I felt I had got "it" I hit a high - lots of happy feelings, feeling good about myself, and then I was in a situation where I realised that my attempts to help someone were misplaced and not wanted and their judgement, along with my own, burst my bubble!
Who would be struggling here? Are there thoughts that there shouldn’t be struggling thoughts and then there are feelings attached? Thoughts criticising thoughts? Do you see this paradox?
Yes I can see the paradox. But it feels as if I am in a loop that I can't stop, and there is just confusion. This happens when I am trying to grasp something - my mind refuses to focus and goes blank.
The inner demon – is this a labelled thought story? What is there without the labels and the story? I want you to stare at the demon if it turns up. Pick it apart, pretend its under a microscope. Write down what you see. See the labels, thoughts and stories trying to attach and look past them to the bodily sensations. Just be with the body sensations.
OK. Right now the demon is telling me that I should be able to get this. It is telling me that I won't, that ...mind goes blank.....I should give up. But these are all just thoughts. Blank again.

Sensations are discomfort....fidgeting...tears behind eyes, blank.

Just sat and accepted and felt emptiness and peace.
What gets in the way of just being? Did you stop being because you had a judgement thought? Or was judging just happening?
Yes judging was just happening and now I can see that it WAS just a thought and that is part of being. My mistake was in thinking that just being means being only happy!
Stop thoughts? What could do that? Did you create them in the first place? Can you control them at any time, in any way?
What could forget? Another thought?
When I am calm and have spent time slowing my mind down, I can watch the thoughts arise and see that they come from nowhere, that I do not control them. And yes, there is no one to forget but when I am in the thick of it that realisation comes after the event. So "Oh shit, I have got this wrong" is then followed by "Oh but there is no self to have these thoughts and who has got it wrong?!" And that following can come hours rather than seconds later!

Blimey this is confusing - my brain feels like mush! I'll switch off for a couple of hours and then look at it again.

Fi xx

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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Sarah7 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 1:08 pm

Hi Fiona or Fi (is that OK?)
I suspect that because I felt I had got "it" I hit a high - lots of happy feelings, feeling good about myself, and then I was in a situation where I realised that my attempts to help someone were misplaced and not wanted and their judgement, along with my own, burst my bubble!
If there is no one there then what wants to help and what took it personally? What would mind having that less appealing character trait then? Would these all be thoughts thinking here? Are thoughts ‘yours’?
Yes I can see the paradox. But it feels as if I am in a loop that I can't stop, and there is just confusion. This happens when I am trying to grasp something - my mind refuses to focus and goes blank.
That’s OK Fi – the mind will always do this as it CANNOT grasp it but wants to. The minds job is to solve and explain and is thrown into a panic when it cant! Just see it and breath. See it and smile! You saw it! All of this response is habit. Thought habits! Thinking habits! Just smile and breath. Everything is fine. Look at the confusion – where is it? Stare at it. Be with it. What does it consist of – thoughts, sensations etc? Go past the thoughts to the sensation and simply sit with it. Compare it to the sensation in the sole of the foot. Is that confused? See the labels – Im confused. How can confusion be owned?
OK. Right now the demon is telling me that I should be able to get this. It is telling me that I won't, that ...mind goes blank.....I should give up. But these are all just thoughts. Blank again. Sensations are discomfort....fidgeting...tears behind eyes, blank. Just sat and accepted and felt emptiness and peace.
The demon can say what it wants – who is there to feel it? Just go to the sensations where ever they are in the body and breath. The thoughts are clouds or weather – they come they go. Watch them come and go whilst being with the sensation. See the thoughts trying to attach labels, creating story about sensations and shoulds and shouldn’ts etc. What is there to accept or not? What would resist?
Yes judging was just happening and now I can see that it WAS just a thought and that is part of being. My mistake was in thinking that just being means being only happy!
Mistake? No not mistake – just thought.
When I am calm and have spent time slowing my mind down, I can watch the thoughts arise and see that they come from nowhere, that I do not control them. And yes, there is no one to forget but when I am in the thick of it that realisation comes after the event. So "Oh shit, I have got this wrong" is then followed by "Oh but there is no self to have these thoughts and who has got it wrong?!" And that following can come hours rather than seconds later!
Again – you saw it! Smile!

When you look at something, a book, a tree outside or whatever, can you find an 'I' that is looking or seeing, or is there just seeing?

If there is an 'I', where are the boundaries between what is being seen, the seeing process itself and the seer?
Love Sarah xx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Maybetoday
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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Maybetoday » Sun Oct 27, 2013 3:14 pm

Hi Sarah

Yes, Fi is fine.

I am just checking in as I am out for the rest of today and this evening - weather permitting!

It has been a day of things flowing, happening as they pleased. Thoughts, the radio, kneading bread, pottering around the house. "I" have watched as the thoughts, the feelings have passed through. A car drives by and as the sound registers, in that moment, there is thought "I am that". Just a thought and just hearing.

It is easy, on a day like today, to see clearly. Less so when events are more challenging. Then the thoughts and the habits can be like a tsunami but, as you say, all there is to do is see it and smile.

I thought "enlightenment would be like a magic wand. But it is about seeing and undoing. A gradual process of undoing "I".

Phew!

Thank you Sarah

xx

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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Sarah7 » Mon Oct 28, 2013 10:27 am

Hi Fi
Have a lovely day of experiencing!
Get back to me when you can!
Love Sarah xx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Maybetoday
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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Maybetoday » Tue Oct 29, 2013 12:15 am

Hello Sarah
When you look at something, a book, a tree outside or whatever, can you find an 'I' that is looking or seeing, or is there just seeing?

If there is an 'I', where are the boundaries between what is being seen, the seeing process itself and the seer?
I have been thinking about the fact that without language there can be no thought and with no thought there is only direct experience. So as a child I had direct experience, then came words, labels, thoughts, the story of I, which were part of that direct experience. But at some point "I" took over.

So if I had no language, I would have no thoughts. Seeing would just be seeing.

When I look at the lamp there is only a lamp because I have the language to label it. There is only an I seeing the lamp because I have the word "I".

Thoughts are there but they are only thoughts because there is a word for them. Without language, without labels, then they are just something nameless passing through awareness. Just as the lamp passes through awareness for as long as it can be seen.

So if I strip my experience back to seeing, ignoring any thoughts I have about what I see or who is seeing, then seeing is all there is.

Yet there is still a perception of being separate. I'm not sure if that is because I have a word for a feeling of the lamp being there and me being here. There is a boundary because "I" am not physically the lamp. My other senses tell me that the lamp is one thing and I am another, but is that just because I have the language to define it that way? If I had no language would I think the lamp and I were one? No, I wouldn't think anything, again there would just be looking.

I find this easier with hearing or tasting. I had some chocolate earlier and without the words chocolate and I, there was just the experience of tasting. And without the words tasting or experience there would be just something that was happening. If all there is is awareness, then the only way for awareness to know itself is to eat chocolate!

xx

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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Sarah7 » Tue Oct 29, 2013 1:09 pm

Hi Fi
So if I strip my experience back to seeing, ignoring any thoughts I have about what I see or who is seeing, then seeing is all there is.
Lovely. And lovely excuse to eat nothing but chocolate! I think seeing is harder because it is our main sense along with touch. So try this:
Touch the table with your eyes shut. Pretend like it’s the first time you have ever touched a table. Go straight to the raw sensation/perception. How do you know its there? What is your direct experience of this ‘table’? List your direct experience. Is it senses again? Is it thoughts again? Look very closely. Which comes first the senses or the thoughts?
Does the sensation of touching come with a shape, density, weight, size, colour, age or function? Does this sensation come with a ‘not me’ label or ‘other’ label? Is it one sensation/perception or two?
Look at how thoughts try and take over, try and explain, try and prove. Notice your memories or references with which you compare the experience.
Sit with these sensations. Look at them. Look at the labelling e.g. table, hand. Look at the thoughts or story that attach at the end of this list if any. What is your direct experience of these words. Do they exist? How do you know they are there? List your direct experience. Are they sensations again? Are they just thoughts again? Look very closely. Which comes first the sensation or the thoughts? Don’t pay attention to the thoughts just look at what they do, when they come in.

Try it with eyes open.

Does the body experience sensations and thought?
or
Is the "body" just another thought label for sensations (namely tactile & kinaesthetic)?

Just sit with it and be with the sensations and watch thoughts! Try it through your day too. Im off on holiday for 3 days will be back Friday.
Love Sarah xx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Maybetoday
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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Maybetoday » Fri Nov 01, 2013 1:08 am

Hi Sarah
Touch the table with your eyes shut. Pretend like it’s the first time you have ever touched a table. Go straight to the raw sensation/perception. How do you know its there? What is your direct experience of this ‘table’? List your direct experience. Is it senses again? Is it thoughts again? Look very closely. Which comes first the senses or the thoughts?
All I can say for sure about touching the table was that there was a sensation of touching. When I touch the table it is not "me" touching a table it is just one sensation.I could say that my hand touched something hard and cool, but those are labels which came up after the sensation. I tried this in bed last night and there was feeling where the bedclothes touched parts of my body and where my body lay on the mattress. There were also the thoughts whirling around, but other than that there was emptiness.

When I look at the table. All I can say for sure is that there is seeing. Again labels come in after.
Does the body experience sensations and thought?
or
Is the "body" just another thought label for sensations (namely tactile & kinaesthetic)?
I'm not sure I grasp this question. I am tired and frustrated with this tonight as I feel as if I should be getting something that I cannot see. I can understand this intellectually - there is no "me" - "I" am a product of my thoughts. But if there is no me then what is experiencing everything that I experience? Am I just regurgitating what I have read or understand about non duality? When I look at this room I am in and ignore all the thoughts and labels identifying the contents (including the fact that it needs a bloody good tidy up!) then what is there? So there is just seeing but so what? Is this direct experience? Is it just brain washing myself into a different belief by saying nothing is real? What is real? Is my body real or is it a label, or a hollow thing which only knows it is there when it comes into contact with something?

OK. Back to the question - I'll try again.

Does the body experience sensation and thought?

I am led to believe it does. But my direct experience is that it doesn't. I have the briefest of glimpses of really seeing this and then my mind jumps in and starts running the show again. And what keeps coming up is if I am not, then what is? Awareness? What is awareness? If I am not me, my thoughts are not me, then what knows it is here?

But my body is real. Is the body a vehicle? Is it that the only way life/some random deity can know itself is to insert itself into this body so that it can have direct experiences?

I know I am making this far more complicated than it needs to be.....

....and I also know you are going to say "Who is making it complicated?!"

I hope you had a lovely holiday......somewhere without too much rain!

Fi xx

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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Sarah7 » Fri Nov 01, 2013 7:25 pm

Hi Fi
Are you in England? Or somewhere else? Yes I found a spot with no rain!
I tried this in bed last night and there was feeling where the bedclothes touched parts of my body and where my body lay on the mattress. There were also the thoughts whirling around, but other than that there was emptiness.
Lovely. Go back to bed! Go to the sensation of skin – look at that sensation. Do you really experience skin? Or again is it labelled sensation?

How many sensations do you notice? 2? One skin sensation and duvet sensation? How is that possible? Are there two sensations there – skin and duvet – or one with labels? Where does one sensation end and another begin? Locate that line. Can you feel that line? Or is that thought? Can you sense that line – or is that thought explaining the sensation and separating?
But if there is no me then what is experiencing everything that I experience?
And what keeps coming up is if I am not, then what is? Awareness? What is awareness? If I am not me, my thoughts are not me, then what knows it is here?
Do you exist? Yes or no.

Do you experience i.e. you and the experience are separate? Can you be separated from the experience? Can the experience be here without you? Or do you create everything!
But my body is real.

Start with the bed experiment first OK. We can come back to this.
Have a look at this:

http://vince-wisingup.blogspot.com.au/2 ... nment.html

Love Sarah xx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Maybetoday
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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Maybetoday » Sun Nov 03, 2013 12:41 pm

Good Morning Sarah

I am on the South coast - lots of rain but some sunshine today - whoop, whoop!

The last couple of days have been full on - my car died and so I spent every spare minute looking for a replacement, which I picked up last night. Plus as a single mother it can be a challenge to find the time to sit down for more than five minutes. I finally managed this at 11 last night and then the router wouldn't connect. At this point I lost the will to live and went to bed to do my homework. The intent to log on every day is there but yesterday it just couldn't happen without me locking me and my laptop into the bathroom whilst the children sat outside on auto repeat...."Mum, mum, mum....."
Lovely. Go back to bed! Go to the sensation of skin – look at that sensation. Do you really experience skin? Or again is it labelled sensation?

How many sensations do you notice? 2? One skin sensation and duvet sensation? How is that possible? Are there two sensations there – skin and duvet – or one with labels? Where does one sensation end and another begin? Locate that line. Can you feel that line? Or is that thought? Can you sense that line – or is that thought explaining the sensation and separating?
OK. There is only one sensation. The rest is all labels. I have also been noticing where my attention is. So I can be lost in thought and everything else fades into the background and then my attention can shift to seeing my thoughts and becoming aware of a noise, or an itch. It seems that whatever I focus on comes to the fore, and if I remain in the moment then thoughts are clear as just being thoughts that run on without any input. They don't "have" me. I have also noticed that when coming from being asleep to being awake there is this moment of moving from being unaware to being aware - the best way I can describe it. I do find it a challenge to look at my direct experience and not then colour it with my knowledge from what I have read - i.e. my mind jumps in and says "oh yes, that is what they talk about in the Buddhist teachings etc."
Do you exist? Yes or no.

Do you experience i.e. you and the experience are separate? Can you be separated from the experience? Can the experience be here without you? Or do you create everything!
Now this is interesting! I have disproved "me" - that is all thought. And so I would have to say that I cannot be separated from experience. The experience can still be here without "me" thinking it is an experience. So from this I would conclude that there is experience and nothing more. Not sure about whether I create everything - does that not depend on what I you are referring to? And this also brings me back to having a body - that is still real and has to be here in order to have experience! This is where I get confused. If I am just a body with thoughts that run automatically, like a computer program, then surely all I am is cp3o with more hair!?
Have a look at this:

http://vince-wisingup.blogspot.com.au/2 ... nment.html
Joan says : In reality, these are ALL impersonal experiences happening to no one. Unicity is all there is.

I get this! When I don't think about my experience, when I just be, then yes, experiences are happening to no-one.If I could switch my mind off then experience is all there is. Is that it? Is it that simple?

She also says: So-called enlightenment points to the falling away (or seeing through) of the illusion of separation and encapsulation, and the recognition of the all-inclusive and seamless Totality from which nothing stands apart.

And this is where I fall over. My experience of now does not lead me to see through the illusion of separation. But is that just because my mind is refusing to let me see it? I can sit here and seeing is happening, typing is happening, thinking is happening but that doesn't take me to seeing through anything. And then my mind jumps in with "I am here and the table is there". Which is just a belief? The fact that there is no one here or the fact that unicity is all there is? Do you see where I am stuck? Surely either one could be a belief.....I am separate or I am all inclusive?

Fi
xx

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Re: Am I there yet?!

Postby Sarah7 » Sun Nov 03, 2013 3:07 pm

Hi Fi
If you would rather answer every other day – thats fine. If Im giving you too much to look at then every other day is probably better. Maybe every day when you can and just let me know when you cant. OK.
This is where I get confused. If I am just a body with thoughts that run automatically, like a computer program, then surely all I am is cp3o with more hair!?
LOL! Touch the table with your eyes shut. Pretend like it’s the first time you have ever touched a table. Go straight to the raw sensation/perception. How do you know its there? What is your direct experience of this ‘table’? List your direct experience. Is it senses? Is it thoughts? Look very closely. Which comes first the senses or the thoughts?
Does the sensation of touching come with a shape, density, weight, size, colour, age or function? Does this sensation come with a ‘not me’ label or ‘other’ label? Is it one sensation/perception or two?
Look at how thoughts try and take over, try and explain, try and prove. Notice your memories or references with which you compare the experience.
Sit with these sensations. Look at them. Look at the labelling e.g. table, hand. Look at the thoughts or story that attach at the end of this list if any. What is your direct experience of these words. Do they exist? How do you know they are there? List your direct experience. Are they sensations again? Are they just thoughts again? Look very closely. Which comes first the sensation or the thoughts? Don’t pay attention to the thoughts just look at what they do, when they come in.
When I don't think about my experience, when I just be, then yes, experiences are happening to no-one.If I could switch my mind off then experience is all there is. Is that it? Is it that simple?
Yes! What complicates?
What if there is no you to switch off mind – what then? Isnt thought just another experience? Who is there to mind what thought does or doesn’t do? Who is getting annoyed at thought chattering away? What is bothered by thoughts getting in the way of experiencing? Has experiencing actually stopped whilst that happens? Does experiencing stop when thoughts happen? Look.
And this is where I fall over. My experience of now does not lead me to see through the illusion of separation. But is that just because my mind is refusing to let me see it? I can sit here and seeing is happening, typing is happening, thinking is happening but that doesn't take me to seeing through anything. And then my mind jumps in with "I am here and the table is there". Which is just a belief? The fact that there is no one here or the fact that unicity is all there is? Do you see where I am stuck? Surely either one could be a belief.....I am separate or I am all inclusive?
Is there any doubt when you just are? What is actually doing the doubting here? Thoughts? Thoughts do thoughty things – that’s what they do – most of it is not paid attention to. Your thoughts will never ever understand this! Is there an assumption that the mind goes quiet and all is harmony??? Are you waiting for permanent bliss????? If so – question that. Are you expecting something here? Some clear sign that you are ‘there’? What are you waiting for? Expectations of this process or expectations of enlightenment or whatever….. Look and write them down. What do you expect here? Do you have an assumption that all thoughts cease? That all is harmony? There is no confusion? What – list the expectations of this process. What are you waiting for?

What is a belief – a thought? Thoughts backing up thoughts? Does that make it more real – lots of thoughts rather than 1?

What doubts? Thoughts again? Look.
Love Sarah xx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.


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