Greatfull for a guide to help

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Mitch4429
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Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby Mitch4429 » Thu Sep 27, 2012 4:24 pm

I've recently become aware of the illusion of self- that that was reality- as a concept- now getting clear and really seeing through is where I could use some help. I am reading gateless gatecrashers and finding it very inspiring. (Free at last )! Oh happy day!
Still carrying around guilt and shame for past, not so much and not as obvious in my daily life- but still there.
I really need a push through and would greatly appreciate your time

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby jeffdilbeck » Thu Sep 27, 2012 5:13 pm

Hey Mitch,

I can help with this.

I need you to do a few things.

Answer everyday.
Drop all teachings.

If this sounds ok, let's do this.

Cool. So, If I were tell you that you never have had a self, and you never will, what would you say?

Also, beyond seeing through the illusion of a doer (as in past guilt, and anything else credit is being taken for), do you have any other expectations for the process?

Love,
Jeff

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Mitch4429
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby Mitch4429 » Fri Sep 28, 2012 3:12 am

Thank you Jeff,
I'm ready! But I want to tell you, I have a lot of ego attachedd to my physical body also and am really stuck there!

Never a self, well I'd say that in this moment and recent moments in my life I am learning that to be truth. Today I had of feeling of a HUGE weight being lifted off of me,it felt wonderful.
I as was trail running today, I started to understand what nature has been telling me all these years - life is happening everywhere


Never will be a self---awesome! True ,real freedom-well, I could cry - I have been trapped for so long Jeff, in my own prison-

No expectations for the process, just stoked I am here, starting to see, now-
---well, freedom from this thing I think is me would be good too

Warmly
Mitch

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby jeffdilbeck » Fri Sep 28, 2012 7:25 am

It's ok that there is attachment. It'll be there until it is no longer needed. Same with everything else. So not to worry about anything at all. The feeling to do whatever will come and that is just what will be happening.

That being gotten out of the way:

Look at your cup.

Is it a cup or is it a my cup? What makes it a my cup?

Think of your favorite chair. Is it a chair or a my chair? What makes it a my chair?

Last but not least, what is it that makes a university a university and not just a bunch of buildings?

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Mitch4429
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby Mitch4429 » Fri Sep 28, 2012 11:08 pm

Hello Jeff,

Thoughts has been flying by, like at the movies when the film of night to day is sped up. Questions, so many questions. I notice them and trust I will find the answers .

The cup is just a cup, the chair is just a chair, they reside in a place I reside in. There is no real ownership. I have never been much of a " thing" person. Things come and they go . Cloths , shoes, jewelry, oh- but some I have thought- mine, I'll keep this, until I loose it, misplace and forget where I placed it- gone
I'd say that some things have an emotional charge , then the " my" steps in - my special cup- I can see that it is physically just a cup but my mind has attached something to it- someone special to me gave it to me, so it's " mine
The emotion is just a feeling I've attached to the object- doesn't change the object though

Tuning into my body right now, sitting in the chair, answering the questions, I feel apprehension with the university one. It IS just a grouping of buildings, but once again I've attached other objects- books , computers, people, learning. Along with the label of " university" is a whole string of other things, associations pop up, expectations, connected to that label
I'm feeling a bit frustrated at the moment, I'm going to go be with it and see what comes up

With gratitude,
Mitch

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby jeffdilbeck » Sat Sep 29, 2012 6:22 pm

Hey,

What attaches meaning?

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Mitch4429
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby Mitch4429 » Sun Sep 30, 2012 5:22 am

Hi Jeff

The imaginary self does, the one that doesn't exist. That's superb! Now if I can just stay present with that

Having a moment with my frustration the other day a big dark cloud of controll came looming up at me. It was scary and I was crying
Felt it right in my gut- the place all feelings I label as " bad" go-
I was able to look at it and it dissipated. Controll has been popping up quite a bit these last couple of days, can't see it coming though and boy it seemed so powerful and strong
Im also trying to see how reality works surrounding my body issues, the ego is so in love with my physical body- its grasp is very strong and I'm having trouble moving what I know to be true into that aspect of the false me
It's the one area I thought I had controll of- how to have it look, wear, who to share it with( game player)
Of course I'm having difficulty

Just to let you know - ill be in Yosemite with limited Internet access Sunday eve into tue am. I'll find a way to get oneline- just wanted to let you know in case I can't get back to you right away

Continued thanks,
Mitch

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby jeffdilbeck » Sun Sep 30, 2012 7:05 am

It is totally ok if you can't stay in a state. This isn't about states. It is more about seeing that there actually isn't a you.

Let's look at that body thing.

When you walk, are you doing the walking?

When you eat, are you doing the eating?

Raise your right hand and wave bye bye, are *you* doing that as it is happening?

look at breathing, eating, sleeping: does it require a 'me' or is it just on autopilot?

Look at thinking even, can you control the content of your thoughts? Can you stop a thought in the middle?

Do not think of a tiger? No tigers.

Seriously.

No tigers.

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Mitch4429
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby Mitch4429 » Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:37 pm

Hi Jeff
I've got 4 hr to look at this, I'll write again later

Mitch

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby jeffdilbeck » Mon Oct 01, 2012 2:35 am

Cool.

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Mitch4429
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby Mitch4429 » Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:35 pm

Hi Jeff.

Nice with the tiger analogy, that was loud and clear-thank you

Not having access to the internet and seeing your direct questions I came up with this:
I'm tempted to re-write it but I will not-there was clarity and it felt very good so I'll just tell you what the experience was:
The body is a cloak, a garmet, a physical manifestation of life, the flesh and bones, cells, blood is alive. The body is just another way for the universe to experince life. It is like a looking glass,one of the very vast ways to see what is.
"I" am nothing.
I have been so burdoned by the "past" saying this is me, all of the memories, history of what has occured in that moment-piling them up, dragging them along. Labeling occurances,experiences I had lableled as "bad", boy they were and anchor.
I feel free from that, I am not those experiences-they are just what was happening at THAT moment. Wow, what a relief, a sense of calmness and peace, happiness-I feel my body vibrating slowly, softly Tears of joy and relief, flow freely now in this moment.
As sitting by the river that is flowing in front of me is happenning, I can see the life of the river, the section directly in front of me, moving without any controll, it just flows, going where it is going, up over rocks, thru crevases in the rocks,being separated then joining again in it's flow. "I" think that is what this body, the "meat body" as a friend calls it, is doing.
Running, swimming, biking occurs, the body is expeciencing that which is happening, my mind had labeled it "I am " running but that is just what is occuring now- that "not me"- a vision of a big orb of thought riding a bycycle has occured and I'm laughing
I keep seeing a gingerbread outline-with thoughts bouncing around inside of it, chaotically and having that form bump into other forms with the same thing happening, our paths cross and we then bounce off of these other - what comes out when this experience occurs is the conditioning of what is inside-tha's how im seeing people these days-empty shells with nothing inside-nothing real, space with words flying around-that is how I feel in this moment-a gingerbread cutout full of nothing.
That's it
It feels wonderful to practice being in the moment in nature, such a wonderful teacher, it is.

And thank you again for your help
Your email yesterday taught me a lot- I felt so frustrated- great oppurtunity to look

Mahalo,
mitch

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby jeffdilbeck » Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:41 pm

That was awesome sharing there, Mitch.

So let me ask you this:

What feels better?

Love,
Jeff

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Mitch4429
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby Mitch4429 » Tue Oct 02, 2012 5:39 am

Hi Jeff
Why, seeing what is reality feels better!
The truth is better, freedom is better. Experiencing life is better than the illusion of what my mind makes up- I've been on a rollercoaster of elation/clarity and confusion. I experience elation and it feels very good, confusion, not so much- although a good teacher
I have one more night sleeping on granite next to the river- excited to what it has to show me
Love
Mitch

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby jeffdilbeck » Tue Oct 02, 2012 6:48 am

The *you* which feels better, is he not the one who also can relate to ideas negatively? He was once in the weeds of guilt, now he is on the cloud of innocence. Are these both not but illusions?

Look deeply inside.

Is there a person who actually feels better?

What qualities does it have?

Where is it located?

Is there anything in there more than a body and thoughts?

Love,
Jeff

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Mitch4429
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Re: Greatfull for a guide to help

Postby Mitch4429 » Wed Oct 03, 2012 2:29 am

Hello Jeff
Yes, both happiness and guilt- illusion. " me"- illusion, controll- illusion
A thought attaches a sensation the body perceives - again thinking occurs- labeling " good" happy" " guilty"

No, nothing there- a physical body and thought
As the false self of "me" looks at the nothingness inside a feeling the false "self" labels as sadness occurs, tears happen, another thought flies in and the tears and feeling of sadness subside

Love
Mitch


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