Looking for a guide

[ajay]

Hi There,

I am Ajay and happy to have found this forum.

Here is little background.I have been a seeker over last 9-10 years, mainly in Nonduality/Advaita readings, talks, videos and some satsangs. I have had some realization 9 months ago. The realization was basically that "what I have been looking for is looking". I had periods for immense clarity through this realization, but I have some doubts and questions that I would like resolve for once and all.

Ajay

[mag]

Hi Ajay,

I could be helping you. I would suggest that we would be using our standard procedure even if you have had some kind of a realization some time back. Would this be OK to you?

Mag

[ajay]

Hi Mag,

Yes, that's okay. Thanks for your response.

Ajay

[mag]

So just a few things before we get started:

• I will be making questions to you and expect you to answer honestly based on your immediate experience. Stories and philosophies are nice, but not needed here :)
• We both commit to writing at least one message per day unless otherwise informed
• You can leave all other materials and practices for the duration of this dialogue

Do these expectations sound like you would be able to commit to them?

When making questions to you, I will mostly look at your last reply because it's up-to-date reflection of where you are at the moment. For this reason, don't bother if I happen to ask same questions several times or ask you to do same exercises again.

I would like to know your expectations about liberation. What would change in your life?

There is nothing personal in LIFE. What is the evidence in your direct experience that you exist as a personal being?

[ajay]

I should be able to meet these expectaions.

"I would like to know your expectations about liberation. What would change in your life?"
No suffering from thoughts and emotions. Complete ease in body. Smooth flow of life and freedom of being.

"There is nothing personal in LIFE. What is the evidence in your direct experience that you exist as a personal being?"
When a thought/situation causes emotional turmoil, thats what brings this personal being in focus for me. These thoughts and stories that are triggered by a situation or by itself seem to be the evidence of my personal being.

[mag]

Thanks Ajay. We will tackle the personal / impersonal nature of things very soon, but right now I would like you to say what kind of feelings and thoughts are triggered by following statement:

Ajay, you don't exist, and never did.

[ajay]

Mag, No thoughts and feelings are triggered from this statement. When I look I just find the sensations in body.

[mag]

What are those bodily sensations?

[ajay]

These are:
1. tingling sensations in the head area. It feels like tiny lights lit up in the brain.
2. a knot in heart / chest area. It feels like something wants to resolve.

This is the best I can describe them. These have been there for several months on and off.

[mag]

Please, zoom into those sensations very closely and feel how they are, know them very intimately.

Are you able to see that those sensations are just sensations in the body and they have nothing to do with Ajay. There is no any self-hood there, not even a trace of Ajay? You can realize the truth of no-self without those sensations changing in any way. They are just energetic phenomena in the energy system, in the body.

[mag]

However, it's possible that upon realizing the no-self, the knot in the heart will loosen gradually and finally disappear. And that would be just an after-effect of no-self realization. Don't make an assumption that the knot needs to loosen as a precondition for realizing the no-self. Let's just focus on no-self realization, the fact that no self can be found in any thought, sensation, perception or experience.

[ajay]

Please, zoom into those sensations very closely and feel how they are, know them very intimately.

Are you able to see that those sensations are just sensations in the body and they have nothing to do with Ajay. There is no any self-hood there, not even a trace of Ajay? You can realize the truth of no-self without those sensations changing in any way. They are just energetic phenomena in the energy system, in the body.

I can see that these sensations are part of the body, these don't have anything to do with Ajay.

[mag]

I can see that these sensations are part of the body, these don't have anything to do with Ajay.

OK, good.

"There is nothing personal in LIFE. What is the evidence in your direct experience that you exist as a personal being?" When a thought/situation causes emotional turmoil, thats what brings this personal being in focus for me. These thoughts and stories that are triggered by a situation or by itself seem to be the evidence of my personal being.

There is allways a belief or many behind the experiences of emotional turmoil. Can you recall moments of emotional turmoil and look at what the beliefs in question were?

[ajay]

However, it's possible that upon realizing the no-self, the knot in the heart will loosen gradually and finally disappear. And that would be just an after-effect of no-self realization. Don't make an assumption that the knot needs to loosen as a precondition for realizing the no-self. Let's just focus on no-self realization, the fact that no self can be found in any thought, sensation, perception or experience.

Mind wants to associate this knot and sensations as unfolding of no-self realization but your point of focusing on no-self realization is taken. When you say no-self realization you mean really no-ajay realization here? Could you elaborate on it? I don't want to assume so will appreciate if you could clarify.

[mag]

Mind wants to associate this knot and sensations as unfolding of no-self realization...

Exactly, and that's why I said the things that I said. We'll not listen to mind here, but have our gaze at the gate all the time. Otherwise, we'll go astray.

When you say no-self realization you mean really no-ajay realization here? Could you elaborate on it? I don't want to assume so will appreciate if you could clarify.

Yes, "no-Ajay" realization, you don't exist as a person, as a separate self, and never did. All that was just a fiction that mind dreamed into existence.