Who am I?

[GREEN TARA]

who am I ? ...HELP ....... anybody there ..........!

[dreamer]

Hello dear!

You do not exist :)

What feelings arise when reading this?

If you want I am willing to walk with you for a while asking questions for you to look into. I have a few expectations: 1. Both of us must reply at least one time everyday. If occasionally not possible we will let each other know. 2. You must be willing to let go of believes and give honest answers. We are not looking for right answers only honest answers.

If you agree on those we are running :) and please tell me a little about yourself and your expectations and wishes to outcome.

Do you want me to call you Tara?

Greetings Vivi

[GREEN TARA]

Dear Vivi
Thank you for turning up to help. it feels good to walk with someone.
My name is Tara and I am willing to follow the one to one guidelines.
How do I feel about your statement that I don't exist .........You may be right I don’t know.
I have been a seeker for most of my life. I bought everything on offer in the spiritual market.
I practiced Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, paganism and all the other isms. I have practiced them all and read whatever I could from many other traditions that I didn’t practice. Recently and out of the blue I lost all connections with all practices. I have been a meditator for many years but since last April I am unable to meditate or learn and the sight of a book would make me feel sick.
Everything I knew feels uprooted from inside of me and the honest truth is I don’t know anything about anything. Whatever I have experienced in the past is just that “experience in the past”.
The only thing I ever wanted to know from all this search is what am I and what am I doing here? And is it true that there is only one of us on this planet?
As all other practices failed and I am hoping yours might be the way.

thank you for your help
Tara

[dreamer]

Fine Tara.

the honest truth is I don’t know anything about anything

Let's start from scratch then. Not a bad place to start :)

How do I feel about your statement that I don't exist .........You may be right I don’t know.

Can you find any 'I'. If you can what is it? Where is it? How does it work? If you can not - tell me about that.

Vivi

[GREEN TARA]

Dear Vivi,

No "I" could be found. That could mean one of two things either the “individual I” doesn’t exist or that the “I” is the one that is looking for itself and therefore can’t see itself.
In a room full of people I can see everyone’s face but I can’t see mine. Similarly the “individual I” could be the one that is looking and therefore can see all that is arising but can’t see itself.
Tara

[dreamer]

Splendid Tara

Time to find out whether a or b is the case:

a:

the “individual I” doesn’t exist

Then what is 'I', explore and explain in details as honest as you can, what you find out to KNOW

b:

the “I” is the one that is looking for itself and therefore can’t see itself.

Then how to define 'I', where, what, how, who, when is I, tasks, purpose, shape of 'I'
again explore and explain in details as honest as you can, what you find out to know

Take your time. If you are not finish tomorrow, just let me know. I could take a while - it could also be seen in a split-second :)

Enjoy
Vivi

[dreamer]

I could take a while

I sure could.....what I meant was: It couls take a while ;)

[dreamer]

I could take a while

I sure could.....what I meant was: It couls take a while ;)

I give up - certain that you know what I mean ;)

[GREEN TARA]

LOL thank you so much you made me laugh. I know what you mean and I'll invistigate and get back to you.

[GREEN TARA]

Hi Vivi,

In either cases “a” or “b” there is no “I” to describe.

a. “I” doesn’t exist then there is no “I” to be described and in this case something or someone is moving this body.

b. “individual I” is the one that is looking and therefore it is not possible for it to describe itself.

In either case it is not possible to describe the “I”.

What I refer to as “me” acting in the world is a collections of physical body, feelings, emotions, sensations and thoughts and there is also the sense that something is aware of the arising of all of these.
When I sit still to find out what is that something, I can’t find it.

Through this investigation I noticed two things:

1- When I am inquiring into the questions the attention kept moving back and forth between investigating the questions and what is happening in the present moment either inside or outside the body.
I tried to find out who is moving the attention but I can’t find anything. Sometimes the attention moves from the mind to the present moment if there is any sense of contraction but no one is moving it.
It is clear if the attention is with what is happening then questions like “who am I? “or “what am I doing here” or what is the “I” they don’t come up.

2- It makes no difference to the life I am living whether there is and individual self or not.
Life is still happening as it is. And it is also clear that what I described as myself in physical form is not separate from the environment that is surrounding it.

I don’t know if this is making any sense to you. I find it really difficult to explain this process in writing.

Tara

[dreamer]

Hi Tara

Thank you for a very detailed reply. Does I make any sense to me? Oh yeah :)

It is clear if the attention is with what is happening then questions like “who am I? “or “what am I doing here” or what is the “I” they don’t come up.

Is it just thoughts then?

“I” doesn’t exist then there is no “I” to be described and in this case something or someone is moving this body.

I tried to find out who is moving the attention but I can’t find anything. Sometimes the attention moves from the mind to the present moment if there is any sense of contraction but no one is moving it.

Does someone or something move the body or does movement simply happen?

:) Vivi

[dreamer]

So sorry :)

Does I make any sense to me

Does it make any sense to me...

;)

[GREEN TARA]

Hi Vivi,

Does someone or something move the body or does movement simply happen?

I can’t say for sure if the movement is happening by itself or something is controlling the movement. That goes back to
a. “I” doesn’t exist then movement is just happening.

b. There is “an individual I” that can’t see itself and it is moving the body.

Is it just thoughts then?

I can see that “I” is a thought and any idea that springs from that thought is also a thought.
Which mean "I exist" is a thought and "I doesn’t exist2 is also a thought.

When the attention remains with the present moment both concepts don’t exist there is just what needs to be done in that moment, and I guess I am wondering if I could find who is controlling the focus of the attention then I could just remain in the present where I don’t think about who am I.

thanks again for your help
Tara

[dreamer]

Well then we will go hunting whether something is controlling the movement
or if
it is
just a
thought too?

Look, what do you see in the present moment

Good hunt :)
Vivi

[GREEN TARA]

Look, what do you see in the present moment

What I see in the present moment is what is happening in the present moment.
I can see what is in the room I am in and I can see whatever activity I am involved in such as eating, drinking, breathing and so on.
So who is the seer of all of that?

warm regards
Tara