Feels ready...

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Don Capibara
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Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2012 9:48 pm

Feels ready...

Postby Don Capibara » Sun Aug 19, 2012 9:55 am

Hallo...
I am ready to start working with someone on a 1 to 1 basis.
Had some difficulties in finding the right place here about where to post.

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby jeffdilbeck » Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:49 am

Hi Don.

What brings you here? How'd you get here? What do you expect to get out of this?

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Don Capibara
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby Don Capibara » Mon Aug 20, 2012 7:02 am

Hi Jeff,
my name is Maurizio, 54, from Italy.
I started my search at 17, with a teacher in the J. Krishnamurti line.
Over all these years I've been experiencing moments where the mind was utterly silent. In those moments only spaciousness was there, and me or ego absent.
Recognised that as my real identity.

But mind got back in control, n a way or another.
These moments of Real Life were lived for never more than few minutes or maybe one hour, perhaps one day.

The reason for being here is that I stumbled upon Ilona on Facebook almost by chance, then got this forum address.
Downloaded and read "Gateless gatecrushers", very impressed by the amount of people who "succeeded"in this looking.
I am expecting to be followed by a guide who can pointing where exactly looking during the cruise.

Thanks Jeff, for apparently being you...

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby jeffdilbeck » Mon Aug 20, 2012 3:20 pm

Great. So you are already there, you just forgot what mind learned.

Are you your mind?

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Don Capibara
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby Don Capibara » Mon Aug 20, 2012 7:12 pm

There must be a problem of concentration then? How could i have forgotten...

How can i be "my mind", if there is only spaciousness...
But there seems to be a controller within this infinite spaciousness that gets back and keeps contracting life through this little hole, called Maurizio, over and over again.
Like a lack of continuity in the spaciousness that i know i am.

Im trying to say, the intellect wants to translate what happens as if it is the ruler of "my" life, and seems very powerful in fact.

Let me be honest to my utmost possibilities to reply to your question: Yes i am the mind when i forget, im no mind when spaciousness shows.
This keeps the basic conflict going i guess...

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby jeffdilbeck » Mon Aug 20, 2012 8:04 pm

There must be a problem of concentration then? How could i have forgotten...

How can i be "my mind", if there is only spaciousness...
But there seems to be a controller within this infinite spaciousness that gets back and keeps contracting life through this little hole, called Maurizio, over and over again.
Like a lack of continuity in the spaciousness that i know i am.

Im trying to say, the intellect wants to translate what happens as if it is the ruler of "my" life, and seems very powerful in fact.

Let me be honest to my utmost possibilities to reply to your question: Yes i am the mind when i forget, im no mind when spaciousness shows.
This keeps the basic conflict going i guess...
Look for this manager or experiencer? Where is it?

Love,
Jeff

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Don Capibara
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby Don Capibara » Tue Aug 21, 2012 2:59 pm

The manager, the experiencer seems to be localized in the brain box...
As i started noticing clearly, an internal voice said "Step back and see from there...".
I did, and all thoughts stopped.
It seems i have to keep this stepping back and watch for some more today, unless you have other suggestions, Jeff.

I am very appreciative in what you are suggesting.
Love,
m

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby jeffdilbeck » Tue Aug 21, 2012 4:32 pm

"Step back and see from there...".

This comes from mind, mind created more space for 'you' to see from. It is really just another story of the mind. The mind protecting it's story of 'me'.

Is there really a gap between thoughts and the perceiver of thoughts, or can we go ahead and SEE that this is one process?

Try this, if you can-go outside and listen, just listen to everything. Tell me: Is there a hearer of sounds, separate from hearing and the heard? Listen to distant sounds. Where is the hearer then? With closed eyes, check if there is a line between here and there. Can it be defined at all?

Now instead of the thought 'I am the one who hears, this ghost lives in my brain and is a 'me''...just listen to sound happening. Are you doing the hearing, or does it just happen?

You can do this with music also, listen to music that you love the most, completely open to it-full on. As listening is happening, notice how the slightest thought will make you openness start closing, and all of the sudden a 'me' thought comes into play.

For the time being, just look at how feelings, thoughts, and labels show up. Don't make the mistake of trying to control what is. Don't try to be a 'not me'. The one, 'me' you are talking about doesn't exist anyway. It is just another idea of the brain.

Sending love,
Jeff

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Don Capibara
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby Don Capibara » Thu Aug 23, 2012 7:30 am

Dear Jeff,
it seemed very difficult indeed to JUST simply listen or watching...been incredibly frustrated, and did guess is a protection as ur request exposes the falsity of the control mechanism to the very roots.

Im trying to say that this "hearing happens" without anyone doing it seems a complete concept still at the moment...

Listened to music (my no 1 passion in life, by the way) for quite a while.
Also been to the park.
Controller very much in charge most of time, as - apparently - too fast and hectic to just see without controlling...
There were moments though where only heart was listening to my fav music, as if that was the physical source of the experience.
Music has been the main tool for experiencing deep emotions and connections within myself since day one.

I do feel im not giving so much feedback today, but i dont want to loose touch.

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby jeffdilbeck » Thu Aug 23, 2012 8:24 am

That is fine. :) My back porch is a very calm place to see that birds sound and brain/ears are not one or two.

I'm going to jump around to unknown ground because of a feeling I have.

Tell me in as much detail as you can, how the internal experience of listening your most special song is. I know as a music lover that it may seem odd to try to say "this one or that one" but I feel like everyone has a song that they feel they derive the most 'power' from.

All I'm asking you to do is to tell me what happens inside you when you listen to this song.

Love,
Jeff

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Don Capibara
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby Don Capibara » Fri Aug 24, 2012 12:24 am

A very concise premise: these days my fav song is called "Bisogna morire" (We have to die), which obviously refers to physical death, but i found it so peculiar...just want to share the peculiarity of it with u.
It's an italian song of the late 16th century.

This song (and music overall) shows with no doubts that there is only listening - no centers, not even ears, the heart was much more involved physically than the ear to "receive" sounds.
Tears,lots of tears, coming from nowhere, going nowhere.
An extreme angry feeling for someone, passed as soon as seen, like passing through a transparency.
Chills through the spine, almost orgasmic, profound, again, coming from nowhere.

Something somewhere somehow melts here...as music goes on,almost each time.

Had a very emotional day, this morning started with a lot of tears reading on Facebook the story of a caretaker guy involved with terminal care patients, had so much tears i can't recall in my entire life.

Felt deep appreciation Jeff for ur patience with me and ur deep dedication.
love,
m

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby jeffdilbeck » Fri Aug 24, 2012 8:47 am

The author of this note you speak of once told me: Enlightenment has nothing to do with answering the big questions, you can't find the answer in the mind. There really is no separation. This cannot be understood in the mind, it just has to be seen.

This song is so dark and light at the same time. Beautiful. :)

Are you the experiencer of this experience of not being the experiencer?

Love,
Jeff

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Don Capibara
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby Don Capibara » Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:14 am

No experiencer.

Love,
m

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby jeffdilbeck » Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:15 am

Are there any further questions from you at this time?

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Don Capibara
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Re: Feels ready...

Postby Don Capibara » Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:18 am

No, all questions seem irrilevant now.


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