who else wants to find an exit sign?

[Ilona]

Aaaa! Yes, it's that simple.
I see that shift has happened. :)
I'll ask you a few questions now, answer in full, as you see.

What is the 'sel'f and how does it work?
How would you describe this to a friend who has never heard of this before?
What was that last push?
How does it feel to be liberated?

Just give us a nice long rant here.

Sending love!

[Lianna]

This morning, or already yesterday evening, I began to think that I had lost it again. Things seemed so back to normal, even if an unusually happy and light normal. One of my expectations was that I would know for certain when the shift had happened. And I did know when it happened, but not as sure now.

Of course these doubts are just thoughts, moving through.
Thoughts of how it couldn't really be this simple, not just this tiny little detail that tipped it. And also - how could it be that quick? Just a week of corresponding in a forum…
Somehow that is really funny, though! All those years of looking for something that was presumed to be really difficult to find, that would take years or lifetimes of meditation and sucking up to some guru. Haha, I knew that there was something not quite right with that approach. Great!

Anyway, I will answer your questions a little later, maybe tomorrow. Need to take some time for that, let it settle a bit. At the moment I am at work, and I feel really happy and light.
Thank you so much. Lots of love to you, Ilona!

[Ilona]

Dear Lianna, take your time, settle in. It might be difficult for the mind to accept that it is that simple, so it starts to create all kinds of doubt and rationalise why one week of conversation should not be enough.
And shift is subtle, so subtle, that you may not notice it at all. All is as it is already, nothing changes because the belief is exposed and dropped. But the lightness of being and end of search is evident.

[Lianna]

Good morning! Here is a long rant. Not sure if I actually answered all your questions, but it was fun to write anyway.

What is the self and how does it work?

Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time there was a little baby girl, her loving parents named her Lianna (or Lena, actually), and told her that was her name. They taught her that she was her own separate little being in a big world, just like they were separate bigger beings, mom and dad. All the big people around her told the same story and smiled at her. She was eager to please and quick to learn, and she believed them, so she started to look at herself as a separate little person in a very small body. In there she built and built on her image of herself based on what she had been taught. Thoughts, memories, actions, bodily attributes helped formed what she began to think about as “herself”. And soon enough she was totally convinced that she really was Lena, all alone in the world, and responsible for her own choices in life.

Only, somewhere inside, there was a lingering feeling, that something was wrong, that something had been overlooked. A feeling that she needed to find something she had lost, that she really needed to see the truth, no matter how radical that truth might be.

And then one day, after much searching, she stumbled on a site on the internet, where she could get just the right help to actually look and look again at what was true. And for the first time she saw, that there was really no proof for the existence of this self she had so long believed in. There was only this self-label that had been put on a bunch of things relating to this body and its story. This self was nothing but an imaginary character in a story.
How weird and wonderful!

How would you describe this to a friend who has never heard of this before?

It depends on the friend. I would not push this onto someone who doesn't want to hear it. But say that it was somebody who wanted to know... maybe I would try to tell her the story above, in one form or another, probably anoother.

And maybe I would relate the belief in a separate self to other imaginary characters that many people believe in (like angels, God, Satan), or maybe draw a parallel to the animistic beliefs where trees, and rocks and the earth itself I believed to be spiritual beings.

I would tell her to push away all old believes and really look for what is true. And if she was interested, I would show her the way to this site.

What was that last push?

When I realized that even the awareness/attention is observed. I had missed that little detail up until then. I had some idea that awareness what was I was looking for. And for some reason when I got that it is not, it was easy to see that no one was observing at all.

How does it feel to be liberated?

I am not sure yet. So far, it feels surprisingly normal. A little bit lighter, to see that I am not this person responsible for everything, I am not this “I” that has to take the blame and feel the shame for mistakes, or to take the credit for things gone right. Life is just happening and flowing. The thoughts of me and mine are still here, of course. But now they can be seen as thoughts, at least most of the time.

This morning there were lots of thoughts about different things as normal, for example thoughts about a big row I had with my son yesterday. And again doubts about if liberation really has happened. But I see that they are all just thoughts: about my son, about the row we had, about mistakes “I” made, about doubts of liberation, about searching for that feeling of “wow”, about calming down, about the trees and the chill in the air, about what to write here.

And in a way I suppose nothing has changed at all. Before there were lots of thoughts and stuff happening, life going on. And there are still lots of thoughts and stuff happening, life going on. Some change in content of thoughts now, in beliefs about the I-thought first of all. But everything has always been just as it is, moving, happening, flowing.

[Ilona]

i see that you have made it through. i'm so delighted for you and i'm really looking forward to meet you in our facebook groups. do you have an account already?

thank you very much!

[Lianna]

Ilona, thank you so much for taking your time to do this with me and so many others!
You are doing such great work here, I can hardly find words for it.
This was really what I needed.
I have been on so many retreats, with quite a few gurus, I have read so many books. And it all felt very important and groundbreaking at the time, and I had insights and aha-moments.
But nothing has forced me to look so steadily at what is actually true, as you have here. This very sharp focus on exactly this was what I needed. And it was really really helpful, to be asked to look and look again, and to really engage in answering the question truthfully, and to trust that this would work.

I do have a FB-account, and would like to join the aftercare-group. How do I go about that?

[Ilona]

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001758165632
this is my facebook account, friend me and i will invite you to Unleashed. :)

see you on the other side!