looking for a guide

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simplybodhi
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looking for a guide

Postby simplybodhi » Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:11 pm

I want out of this chronic seeking that I've somehow turned into a way of life, something internal is eating away at me night and day to find the way out, knowing liberation is real but I'm stuck. Mark

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Ronald
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby Ronald » Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:55 am

Hi Mark,

I would like to be your guide. I'm familiar with this chronic seeking. So let's start.
Tell me a little bit about you spiritual search. What you are expecting from liberation and where you are stuck.

Ronald

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simplybodhi
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby simplybodhi » Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:16 pm

Hi Ronald,

I'm 41 and married with two kids. The seeking has been around since my early twenties. It has led me to mindfulness meditation, buddhist centers with teachings, traditions, and originally approaching liberation as something that only the very rare few will experience.

Many weekends have been spent over two decades at meditation trainings, practicing various meditations, reading excessively and constantly searching on the internet.

It has become a chore and most recently there's an intuition that it would be best for me to stop all reading, teachers, teachings and just sit and see what arises.

At the same time, there seems to have been a shift recently with the increase in
non-dual
teachers, their writings and web-based videos which seems to have me on a sort of new improved search.

I expect to be liberated from the construct of self, experientially freeing up time and energy to live life more fully and not necessarily from the point of view of
I
am free but instead
I
never existed. I also know the last sentence I just wrote is a concept I read.

This is where I am stuck, in these thoughts with a sense that I have tried so hard to get somewhere but have only wasted time yet still feeling there has to be a way out.

Thank you,
Mark

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simplybodhi
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby simplybodhi » Mon Apr 02, 2012 9:37 pm

apologies for quoting "non-dual" and "I" as though the words were text from conversation; my mistake

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Ronald
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby Ronald » Mon Apr 02, 2012 9:59 pm

Dear Mark,

Thanks for your honest reaction, it is good to hear that you have a lot of meditation experience, we can use that.
most recently there's an intuition that it would be best for me to stop all reading, teachers, teachings..
Very good intuition,the heart and the senses will be the best teachers on your way through the Gate.
This is where I am stuck, in these thoughts with a sense that I have tried so hard to get somewhere but have only wasted time yet still feeling there has to be a way out.
You have worked hard and it is time to become a finder instead of a seeker.
just sit and see what arises.
The first thing I’m asking you is to just sit or be with the question: “Who is it that hears the sound?” when a sound arises just ask the question and let the answer arise also.

You can do this during the day or in meditation.

Success and hope to hear from you tomorrow,

Ronald

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simplybodhi
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby simplybodhi » Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:49 pm

Ronald,
Who is it that hears the sound?


This led to the experience "it is heard" then immediately after it is heard, "I" hear the sound. The sound is simply heard then I hear it and distinguish it as a particular sound.

Maybe I should have rested with that but this led me to question "internal sounds" that in a real sense I hear, for instance with thinking, I hear the words. I wondered is this practice applicable with these "internal sounds" or would it be more beneficial to ask something general like, "who is thinking?" or a more specific "who is worried?" or "who is planning?", etc.

Thanks,
Mark

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Ronald
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby Ronald » Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:24 pm

Dear Mark.
This led to the experience "it is heard"
Yes, very good !
then immediately after it is heard, "I" hear the sound.
Sharp observation and my questions is, what is happening between “it is heard “and “I”hear ?
Maybe I should have rested with that but
Yes !, because after the word but the mind kicks in and you can see how you go from a finder to a seeker.
I’ll ask you to stay with the exercise and to go deeper and try to really see what is happening between
“it is heard “and “I”hear ?

Ronald

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simplybodhi
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby simplybodhi » Wed Apr 04, 2012 2:52 am

Everything is heard. The sound is ever-present.

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Ronald
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby Ronald » Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:22 pm

Dear Mark,

Hope you are doing well today.
The sound is ever-present.
Do you mean that the sound is always there ?
What is the nature of sound? What is the nature of breath? What is the nature of life ?

I asked you to look at what is happening between “It’s heard” and “I hear”
and how does the ”I“ comes into the “story”, because when you see where the “I” is coming from then you can get more clarity over what is really going on.

Hope to hear from you.

Ronald

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simplybodhi
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby simplybodhi » Wed Apr 04, 2012 6:37 pm

Hey Ronald! Thank you again so much for working patiently with me through this process.
Do you mean that the sound is always there ?
Yes! Sound is always there and beyond that, Everything hears Everything; sound is being heard by everything and everything is concurrently creating sound (the words are falling short).

The experience that led to the words written last time was triggered simply through my use of “who is it that hears the sound?” and my air conditioning turning on.

Between “it’s heard” and “I hear” usually is the construction of me or the re-creation of the story of me. In this instance, when there was the experience “it is heard”, it appears there was a resting within that space and a felt sense of the expanse of Everything hearing sound simultaneously. During this resting in Everything, the usual creation of “I” didn’t take place. It wasn’t necessary at the time. The recognition that this being or body/mind is included in Everything or is simultaneously co-occurring with Everything was enough. There were no words taking place, no intentional prevention of “I”, just simply awareness (as clichéd as that may sound)!
What is the nature of sound? What is the nature of breath? What is the nature of life ?
I don't have an answer.

Sincerely
Mark

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Ronald
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby Ronald » Thu Apr 05, 2012 8:50 am

Dear Mark,

It’s my pleasure to work with you.
The experience that led to the words written last time was triggered simply through my use of “who is it that hears the sound?” and my air conditioning turning on.
Good , keep it as close to your direct experience as possible.
Between “it’s heard” and “I hear” usually is the construction of me or the re-creation of the story of me.
Yes, there is the construction of the story of an “ I “.

Who is constructing this story?

Is this story true?

How do you experience the “I” in the story ?

Who would you be without this “I” story?

Just listen to the questions with your heart and your breath, let the answers come from that open space, from the felt sense of expanse that you found in your meditation.


Hope to hear from you,

Ronald

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simplybodhi
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby simplybodhi » Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:17 pm

Ronald,

Just wanted to let you know, in a few hours after work I will respond to the questions. I sat for various long periods and a lot arose, then ran into posting problems as I could not log in; it is obviously fixed and interestingly this inability to post led to the realization - "I" had gotten involved and tried to take over this process.

"I" wanted to write so badly last night; "I" seems to see this process as a riddle to solve with the prize of enlightenment as though the"I" could possibly be enlightened. "I" is like a puppy constantly seeking treats and wanted to post so badly, to write the "right" words to impress you and anyone else reading.

Will write more later, just wanted to let you know these things - that I'm recognizing the difference between posting what arose versus "I" posting its overly ambitious words!

Mark

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Ronald
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby Ronald » Fri Apr 06, 2012 8:06 pm

Dear Mark,

It’s good to hear your honest report about the process.
The writing straight from the heart is the best.

Yes the “I” is always involved, as long as there is clarity about it, there is no problem.
We can understand it and even laugh about it.

Take your time.

Hope to hear from you.

Ronald

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simplybodhi
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby simplybodhi » Sat Apr 07, 2012 1:36 am

Who is constructing this story?
Fear triggers the story. It attempts to solidify elements in order to protect and feel in control. The story is handed down from the family and the environment one to the next. There was a time when I took over the creation of the story and have attempted to improve on it. "I" is not me. It's a heap of tendencies that think they are a one and have been trying to enlighten themselves up until very recently. It amazes me how wrong so many Buddhist and other non-dual teachers, lineages, etc., have been missing this primary first teaching of no-self; it is all that is necessary to see Truth. Instead, most skip this or intellectualize it and move right into practices that strengthen the false-self.
We can understand it and even laugh about it.


I did last night when I realized this false "I" was working its way into this process and still do at the absurdity of it all - especially to realize that the world is filled with imaginary characters interacting together in one big imaginary story with millions of subplots.

Mark

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Ronald
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Re: looking for a guide

Postby Ronald » Sat Apr 07, 2012 8:40 am

Dear Mark,

Good work, it’s getting clearer and clearer.

Yes the I-story is based on fear and conditioning, that’s why it’s so liberating to break the spell. And you are breaking it with honesty, courage and laughter.
"I" is not me. It's a heap of tendencies that think they are a one and have been trying to enlighten themselves up until very recently.
Please take some time in nature with the following questions, open the senses and connect with the breathing, let the question arise and let the answer arise….. enjoy!!

Who is thinking this I-thought?

Who is noticing the I-thought?

Don’t forget to smile,

With love,

Ronald


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