Invitation for a guide

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nurtureyoursoul
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Invitation for a guide

Postby nurtureyoursoul » Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:24 pm

New here...ready to begin...inviting a guide.

With love and gratitude,

xx

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Cam-RT
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby Cam-RT » Mon Mar 19, 2012 6:07 am

Hello and Welcome...

By what name may I address you ?

I need to ask you to set any beliefs and other spiritual studies aside for now until we're thru, (later if you wish you can revisit them.)

What's most important is that you answer my questions with complete honesty...

Foucus and commitment to this process is key to reaching and crossing "The Gate"...though each person is different in the time it takes to realize this goal...

So what is it that you expect from Enlightenment? (liberation)
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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nurtureyoursoul
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby nurtureyoursoul » Mon Mar 19, 2012 4:23 pm

Thank you. Lovely to hear from you, Cam-Rt.

You may call me Kelly.

No spiritual studies going on here -- in a place of complete open-ness. Aware that thoughts are not created by me, but still arise. Stories still arise, but also not created by a 'me'. No 'me' here doing anything. All this is simply happening.

I have absolutely no expectations. I realize there is no me here even typing this. How I got here...38 years of victim life which led the apparant person named Kelly to commit suicide. The person known as Kelly was forever shifted with this awareness that none of this is real, it is all an illusion. The last 4 years have been shedding conditioning beliefs and stories ... but no one here doing that either. In the apparent story of Kelly there is this 'psychic thing' going on. No one doing that either. All of this is simply happening. As the do-er dies and the realization becomes all that is here...what is there to liberate? What is there to enlighten?

There is an emptiness without a sense of loss. There is an openness without a sense of needing to seek anything. Yet, there is this apparant story of a Kelly in a physical body that still must go to work, play the game of life...carry on. Or is that even true.

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Cam-RT
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby Cam-RT » Mon Mar 19, 2012 7:37 pm

Good morning Kelly:

I liked your comment about "playing the Game"...Before Enlightenment, chop wood carry water...After Enlightenment chop wood carry water.... ;^) I suppose how well you play the game, is how well we do in life huh?? But remember if that "brass ring" comes around... GRAB IT!

Any way, I'm sorry to hear about your suicide attempt... I too (prior to my Awakening) made an attempt to take my own...We are living on "borrowed" time... I'm glad our paths have crossed, together we'll challenge these and other thoughts and reveal them for what they are...

Okay, first question...What comes up when I say---""There is no such entity "self" in real life at all??"
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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nurtureyoursoul
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby nurtureyoursoul » Mon Mar 19, 2012 7:59 pm

Peace. Peace comes up when you ask that question. I can 'sit in that space' and feel such love in it. And that is where I 'rest' to move from this cycle of an I and a no I. I realize the "I" comes up so there is something to point to -- to remain in this physical body, yet....I am frustrated with it at the same time. Experiencing the beauty of the no-body and having to come back to the body ... anger at being 'here' and yet loving it at the same time and realizing I am NONE of that. Never have been.

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Cam-RT
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby Cam-RT » Mon Mar 19, 2012 9:46 pm

Thank you for being open with me Kelly...

I needed to ask that last question, though I didn't see any fear in your previous responses....

The First thing I need to address is how thought patterns work :

The mind is a labeling machine that labels experience as soon as perception happens...

Thought triggers feeling, feeling gets labelled----"new trigger"---feeling gets more intense---more labels--->viscous feedback loop....This is what goes on endlessly when " I " is at the Center...

Throughout, and even after this process, we are going to use the "feeling / thought" process to help identify and break the connection with "The Self"

Take a little time and examine some of your "strong" negative thoughts and notice how your body reacts to these type of thoughts....

Pick one thought that triggers a strong reaction...bring it up close in your mind, go into that thought...What drives it??......Tell me what you find...
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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nurtureyoursoul
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby nurtureyoursoul » Mon Mar 19, 2012 10:02 pm

Yes. I am not my thoughts. Never have been. A thought that triggers a strong reaction -- why must I be here in this body? I want to go home. How my body reacts. It tightens. Constricts. It recognizes that the thought is not true. I should be here. How I know this. I am "here". What drives this. Not me. Never me. The thoughts just come. The sprinkle into my awareness. When I believe them...I suffer.

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Cam-RT
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby Cam-RT » Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:32 am

Hey Kelly:

Keep in touch with your body's response during this process it will help guide you...Remember the body doesn't lie...if it feels threatened it will react...

What I was asking is, when these thoughts arise what is it "behind" these thoughts?

Try again and bring these uncomfortable thoughts up close look deep into them what do you see??
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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nurtureyoursoul
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby nurtureyoursoul » Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:43 pm

Rage....and a belief that there is a 'this' and a 'that'....a body and a no body .... and there is RAGE at the body for having to be IN IT!

I felt this and stayed with it for a bit.... I am enraged at my physical body. And with my moms recent transition (last week) there is a regret that it was not me that left the body. I can still feel that no body feeling and have glimpses of it and I want that all the time. I don't want this BODY!! Yet, if I go deeper into that, there is guilt/shame for wanting to leave it -- as I also see such beauty and love while here experiencing all of this physical stuff. So apparently I am still in a belief of duality with the physical and non physical and that is causing an inner rage and then guilt/shame.

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff :)

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nurtureyoursoul
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby nurtureyoursoul » Tue Mar 20, 2012 4:46 pm

As I go even deeper into this realization of my rage at still being 'stuck in this body' there is a knowing that even that is a thought. Even that is yet another batch of thoughts and stories streaming into my awareness that are NOT me. SO there is nothing to be done with them other than to know that they are there ... allowing them to be there without attaching to them or needing to 'fix' or 'remove' them. And as such, they can be loved like anything else as awareness simply experiencing itself in this story called Kelly.......no more rage......POOF!

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Cam-RT
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby Cam-RT » Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:05 pm

Hey Kelly:

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, and the emotional turmoil that followed...I assure you that crossing the gate will ease the suffering along with other aspects that come with Awakening...As you said it is a beatiful world out-there...

Having to deal with so many thoughts can be very frustrating...Think of your mind like the sky, and all these thoughts as clouds, some big and ominous and others just small ( like chatter) you can't whisk them away so just let them just be.
Like the old Beatles song " let it be"...(sometimes I'll get that song stuck in my head just to distract me...)

Now we're gonna do an exercise...please excuse this analogy but think of your brain as a attic, and it's full of boxes, inside each of these boxes are thoughts and memories that have built up over time...( they don't define you yet it's just the same just baggage.)

This is important...open these boxes/memories...use your body to guide you, when you feel a strong response, don't let emotions distract you...Focus and dive straight into each of these thoughts....Look and see what's behind these thoughts...Please take your time to look then come back and tell me what " It " is you see....
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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nurtureyoursoul
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby nurtureyoursoul » Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:40 pm

Ok...

I am in the attic. And there are many boxes....they are stacked neatly. Perfectly. No dust on them at all. Everything must be "just so" in our house. Dad expects it to be kept that way. The thoughts on things having to perfect causes anxiety ... why must everything be just so. Yet if I move the boxes out of order....anxiety is worse, so they must be put back the way they were when I started. Now it is for "me" not dad. I have taken on this preference of perfection.

I open the box from my early years. Inside are toys I don't recognize. They have no meaning for me. Like they must have belonged to someone else. The thoughts arise "who did these toys belong to?" And I feel emptiness there.

I open the box from my teen years and inside everything is torn up or shredded. These are the years my mother forced me to leave ... and she destroyed all of my belongings. I know I am supposed to feel something here...anger/rage even or maybe fear....but I am just not feeling it. Since my NDE, I see my old experiences like stories that are not mine. I just have no feeling with them at all. It is like someone elses' story and yet I am viewing it through my lense.

I go to the box of my adult stuff....all the things up to my NDE in 2008 ... inside I see misery/sadness/victim and again I feel none of this. It is like I am peering into someone else's story that is not mine. I can view it, see it, even smell it...but there is NO FEELING here.


What I see....is NOTHINGNESS. Behind each of these thoughts is that space I experienced when I died ... a dark nothingness. It is not scary. It is not to be feared. It is just there. Some would call it a void. I felt comforted in that nothingness.

I want to respond with such honesty and yet there is an awareness in me that I am still not 'getting' to it....but this is what I see....feel....

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nurtureyoursoul
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby nurtureyoursoul » Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:47 pm

As I move away from the attic and look in...I simply FEEL sadness for what was .... what was for that Kelly. That version or aspect of me. And yet I do not want to FEEL sadness -- or victim -- because that was her ENTIRE story. She was the victim of everything life brought her way. That is why she committed suicide in the first place.

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Cam-RT
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Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby Cam-RT » Wed Mar 21, 2012 1:13 am

Kelly this is beautiful you hit the bullseye!
What I see....is NOTHINGNESS. Behind each of these thoughts is that space I experienced when I died ... a dark nothingness. It is not scary. It is not to be feared. It is just there. Some would call it a void. I felt comforted in that nothingness
There is "nothing" to fear from ALL these thoughts...and that's exactly it. Other than unpleasant memories they no longer exist as with the thoughts themselves...yet "the self" will spin these over and over to keep you distracted from see "It" for what it is....."NOTHING".

Okay now, we're gonna take this excercise into "Real Time"... Throughout your day "listen" to how your body reacts when situations arise, when you get that uncomfortable feeling take a quick step back in your head and take a second look at that thought...go straight into it and see it for what it is....Nothing.

This takes repetition...It took almost your whole life to build this thought "construct" so it will take sometime to see thru the illusion of the self completely...

Keep practicing this not just within your mind but throughout your day...let me know how you're doing...

One more thing before I go... "The Void" you're speaking of we also call "the sweet spot" and is perfectly normal (from a liberated point of view) some people work at this for great lengths of time to experience this state of mind, consider yourself gifted with this achievement....No Worries....Cam-RT ;^)
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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nurtureyoursoul
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Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:05 pm

Re: Invitation for a guide

Postby nurtureyoursoul » Wed Mar 21, 2012 1:33 am

Ok thank you Cam-RT..I will be 'with this' for a few days and will stay in touch on it.

Thank you again for this.

xx


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