Let's go.

[Korneliusz]

OK.

show me the door, Morpheus.

[Anki]

Hello Korneliusz! What brings you here to Liberation Unleashed?

[Korneliusz]

I want to experience what people here, eventually, experience. I want to be free. Free from negative things. Free from this greyness. Free from this thoughts, emotions.

[Anki]

Hi Korneliusz. I see you have been looking around here, acquainting yourself. Great! Matrix viewing straight ahead... :)

Here's how we proceed. I'll ask questions. You investigate deeply, looking for your own truth and personal experience, not what you've read or heard from others. You must take your time, answering only when sure that you have found your truest response, no matter what it may be or what you think about it. It's an inquiry. I probe, you look deeply and respond back.

Will you commit to 100% honesty and posting here at least once a day?

Please tell me a little about yourself, your journey so far. You say you wish to be free, so also tell me what your expectations are about that freedom, what would that look like? What do you ultimately expect from our conversation here?

Looking forward to your next post, Korneliusz!

BTW, my name is Lisa.

[Korneliusz]

I don't know if I will be 100% honest, because I feel like I have some blocades that make me unable to respond truth and eventually to see totally the truth. I've already tried this method, on polish version of Ruthless Truth Arena. Sb unfortunately shut down this site so I couldn't finish the process. Also the truth is I wasn't answering my "liberator" for some longer time and even if I tried and did, it didn't feel like I'm open, it didn't feel like it's going somewhere, no results. I wrote sth, he answered me, then I had nothing to write about, or how to answer. I felt like what I was writing in my answers was not sincere or sth but it was like I couldn't bypass this.

I'm a student, have parents who got divorced, living with my mom and brother. Seeing dad regularly. I'm bored, psychologist said I have dysthymia (neurotic depression-says wikipedia). I notice that you have diffrent style here than they had on Ruthless Truth arena. I also feel these things now- like not knowing if I'm answering good, or maybe remove some lines or sth. OK enough of this tone.
It's like I can write about many things about myself, if you want me to, just say.

Your journey meaning what? My life or maybe "looking for thruth"? Disappointments. I've had psychodelic expierence with seeds from a special plant, I was at satsang with Mooji, I've tried meditation. BUT IT wasn't any meditation at all!

More or enough?

My expectations or maybe I can say, dreams, imagination, is that this dialog-process here will make me somehow transcend, so that there will be clarity,

I don't know. I probably don't have expectations.

kinda messed up.

More or enough?

Lisa, OK Lisa.
Maybe their method was a little wrong, because if you bully those seekers, they won't have this space to write honestly, it will be like a game.

Bye Lisa, waiting for your answer.

Am I a "hopeless case"?

(-yes, "I" is a hopeless case.)

[Korneliusz]

I expect change, total change, back to the basics, if this phrase is what I mean. Like end of pain of any kind- boredom, doubts, emotions negative, lack of satisfactions, dreams that didn't come true. Mooji says there's a difference between a suffering and a pain. and that's fine, I don't expect pain to be gone, just the suffering, psychological pain. I mean there can be pain but not influencing my life, a pain that is like not mine, like it just happens to this body, but there is no one that is hurted by it. That it would be like "I don't mind the pain, it's not making me less happy or something". And that there is this permanent peacefullness. OK, permanent maybe after some time of cleaning from the programmes of the past, but still that there is some kind of Total Quietness, Harmlessness. And things are clear, I don't have doubts that make feel bad and confused, like who I want to be in the future, what I should do, maybe I should be a painter but I have some problems with painting, messing myself with some not materialised ambitions, dreams, guilt etc., so that all that mess in the head is gone away. And I'm just lying on a carpet/playing field, nothing to do, nowhere to go, just breathing in, breathing in...something good, I don't know what it is. And people are great at last! And they are neutral to me, they just are, clean from my perception. And I can be in a prison camp, but I'm still happy.

So I expect that this dialog-process will make a change in me, noticeable(!) change, that will somehow push me in some direction, direction of cleaning myself, my metaphorical eyes. Because now there's nothing I can do, I'm stuck for so long time, ever since I was born or something, for God's sake. I thought about killing myself, but it was just thinking or intending to, but I won't. I'm like living like in some day-cycle, cycle of repeating the same act-thought-emotions patterns. Sometimes I want it to stop, sometimes I don't think about and I don't mind, sometimes I just sleep and then I wake up and again day begins. And it goes on. But pain wich happens is not that big to make me transcend it or something, it happens, then I forgot about and don't mind living, then it happens again...some times before, when the moments of pain came, I was looking for some help, like psychologist, thinking, considering on and on if to go to psychiatrist or not etc. But patterns are quiet the same, maybe know I' m not that desperate in "searching for God knows what" medical or cosmic answer to why I feel that way.

[Anki]

(-yes, "I" is a hopeless case.)

YES! Hahaha!

Hi again Korneliusz, great answers here. Thanks for the bit about your journey.

I don't know if I will be 100% honest, because I feel like I have some blocades that make me unable to respond truth and eventually to see totally the truth.

I felt like what I was writing in my answers was not sincere or sth

That was then, this is now... Just write back to me from your honest heart, the gut feeling... that's where sincerity is. Past that is not possible. And no concerns here about you totally seeing truth. It is seeable. Absoutely.

And yes, how we go about things here is different than Ruthless Truth. Same result, slightly different conversations.

My expectations or maybe I can say, dreams, imagination, is that this dialog-process here will make me somehow transcend, so that there will be clarity,

OK, tell me more about this, please. What is meant by transcend? Who or what transcends 'above' who or what?

Also: Will you commit to at least one message per day here?

You are doing just fine. I await your reply! :))

Lisa

[Anki]

PS: Your English is good and if there is any confusion about meaning, please speak right up! Language is tricky enough without worrying about translation stuff. :))

[Anki]

I just now saw your 2 big paragraphs on expectations. Thank you! Very clear. After you answer the questions I posted above I send another about the expectations.

Lisa

[Korneliusz]

Past that is not possible

- you mean to do without being sincere?

Yes, I will be here (and answering) at least one time per day.

OK, tell me more about this, please. What is meant by transcend? Who or what transcends 'above' who or what?

not necessarily somebody. it's like something disappears, and yet, it's not me who disappears, I'm not dying or something, on the contrary, I'm sitting and it just happens-a big silence in my being, peacefulness, you can say, but on the other hand- it's not big at all, it's rather natural, normal, like- realistic. I probably have this image from my "drug expierence".

something vanishes, and what remains, some silent personality-less, ego-less observer, who was there all the time, in one place. something like this.

but I rather meant yesterday that I transcend the tension and pain inside me, like this process will take tension and pain to the climax, and it will somehow dissolve. It will by at its climax, like totally all around my body, my center or sth, at the beginning it may be a suffering, but then it will just be, and then it will vanish, like it can't attach to anything, so it goes away like rain from the window. There's probably a nicer metaphor.

[Anki]

Good morning to you Korneliusz (night here...bedtime for me in a moment),

Thanks for your reply. I am not alert enough to give it focused attention, so will look at it again first thing when I am up in MY morning... :))) For now, here's what I wanted to add earlier:

I'm like living like in some day-cycle, cycle of repeating the same act-thought-emotions patterns.

Who or what is repeating these daily things, Korneliusz? How do they arise? You say 'I'm', so tell me: is there a solid 'you' there, being/doing these things? If your answer is yes, please look around for the location of that 'I' and report back to me about it.

OK.. more coming from me after a good night's sleep. Thanks for your careful replies, and willingness to post at least once a day.

ALSO: I did not mean 'do without being sincere'. What was meant is that it is not possible for you to be more sincere than deeply from your heart and gut. That is what I want from you. And: a fire to be free... got it? If not, get it. Freedom is so close, just a look away...

Lisa

[Korneliusz]

no, I don't see any "I" in it. What is a solid "you"? Almost like Sonic Youth.
Korneliusz seems to not know who or what does these daily things, to him it sounds very abstractly.

[Korneliusz]

I'm like living like in some day-cycle, cycle of repeating the same act-thought-emotions patterns.

Who or what is repeating these daily things, Korneliusz? How do they arise? You say 'I'm', so tell me: is there a solid 'you' there, being/doing these things? If your answer is yes, please look around for the location of that 'I' and report back to me about it.

Lisa

It's like the "I" thing is just a very convincing thought-emotion.

[Korneliusz]

i'm really not sure if I'm honest in my previous message.

[Anki]

Hi Korneliusz... I'm up, got my tea, let's do it!

OK.. all the expectations you had, please set them aside for now. The recognition of no-self is going to be exactly the way it will for you... and there will be no mistaking it: you will 'get it'. And expectations sometimes get in the way. So now you are consciously aware of what to set aside.

Let's see where you are with the basic premise. If I say: there is no entity called you, no I; no controller, no manager, no owner, no observer of 'your' life, none as in zero, what comes up? Write it all down, thoughts and feelings. I'll be here, when you are done.

Lisa