Searching for answers - Shirley777

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Shirley777
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Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby Shirley777 » Sun Jun 14, 2015 5:59 am

hi I'm Shirley, I'm here today because I'm searching for answers to the meaning of life and what purpose I have.
I wonder if there no answer and it isn't as exciting as many spiritual books lead you to believe. I have read many books. Elkhart tolle seemed to make more sense. However I feel good when reading them or watching Elkhart but later it leaves me. I wonder if one can be as happy and at peace as he is. My ego goes in over ride.
I don't expect anything except hope that this hollow feeling I often feel is filled with truth.

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JonathanR
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby JonathanR » Wed Jun 17, 2015 10:28 pm

Hi Shirley,

Welcome to Liberation Unleashed, my name is Jon and I am a guide here at LU..Thanks for your interest. Perhaps I may assist you in your search?

You say
I'm here today because I'm searching for answers to the meaning of life and what purpose I have.
I wonder if there no answer and it isn't as exciting as many spiritual books lead you to believe. I have read many books. Elkhart tolle seemed to make more sense. However I feel good when reading them or watching Elkhart but later it leaves me. I wonder if one can be as happy and at peace as he is. My ego goes in over ride.
I don't expect anything except hope that this hollow feeling I often feel is filled with truth.
I know what you mean about reading 'enlightening' literature. It can feel very good when it is the focus of attention but not quite so good when it seems to be forgotten.

There is one main thing that we guide towards here at LU and many things that we do not. We guide towards a realisation that 'self' is an illusion. We do this by a process of direct pointing, that amounts to a series of questions that we ask you to answer that are intended to lead towards this realisation.
I don't expect anything except hope that this hollow feeling I often feel is filled with truth
Thank you for mentioning this. I'd need to ask what sort of truth you envisage and what sort of hollowness (that needs to be filled) is experienced?

If you are interested in exploring these questions I will be happy to assist but most of the looking and exploring and discovering will be done by you. I will not teach or 'tell' you 'answers', merely ask questions. How does this sound?

Warm regards,

Jon

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Shirley777
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby Shirley777 » Mon Jun 22, 2015 6:23 pm

Yes sorry for the late reply. I don't know what the truth is and in thinking about this I realise how I'm perhaps expressing fear that there is no truth. I feel lost. I feel I have no purpose but then get confused with what I read and get hooked up on the ego issue. Well I suppose I make it a issue. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

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JonathanR
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby JonathanR » Tue Jun 23, 2015 7:07 pm

Hi Shirley,

Thank you for your reply. As I said, we are quite specific about what we aim for in guiding at LU. We ONLY offer to point to the illusory nature of 'self' . It cannot be known how any particular effect of this will manifest or play out in life.

Did you read the information at http://liberationunleashed.com/nation/v ... f=16&t=221 before you registered? If not I suggest that you do so. Also you may like to read 'Gateless Gatecrashers'?

You and I will simply have a conversation, the aim of which will be for you to make the realisation that there is no 'self'. That will be our focus. I will tend to ask various questions and set you some exercises, but nobody will be judging you. You can't get this wrong.

This process is a guided inquiry where specific areas can be examined. I am not a teacher. This is YOUR inquiry. I will not be giving you new ideas and beliefs; only assisting you in examining and questioning the ones that you already have.

Before we continue, a few formalities.

If you haven't already seen it, there is introductory info here, the disclaimer and a short video too.
http://www.liberationunleashed.com/

Please read and agree to the following:
1. Post at least once a day, if you cannot post, or need more time, let me know.
2. Be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.
3. Answer only from direct experience (felt senses and observed thoughts). Longwinded
analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress.
4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies and such for the remainder of this investigation.
Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily and
essential meditation practice, it is fine to continue that.
5. Understand that I will be guiding you, rather than teaching you, and the more you put into this process the more you will get out of it.

A word about expectations. You have already spoken a little about why you have come here but please let me know if you have expectations or hopes of particular insights or changes and how you would know if these have been achieved? No expectation is too small or insignificant to mention so please look at this and let me know if there are any?

Once you have agreed to the above we can get started.

Warm regards,

Jon

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Shirley777
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby Shirley777 » Tue Jun 23, 2015 8:11 pm

Thank you I have gone through everything and am ready for your guidance. I am reading the gate less crasher too.
I suppose expect to stop feeling lost and lonely, to feel free. To know if this has happened I suppose I will feel happy and no longer trapped. I would feel happy naturally and won't need food to feel moments of what I feel is happiness. I would have stopped using my sense of humour and sexuality to fit in and be accepted or liked. I feel out of control and sit back watching myself make a mess of my life. I don't feel I fit in. I don't know what I should be doing with my life or what to do. I feel I'm just waiting to die and then maybe it will mAke sense. I will be free from this material world that I don't like.
Thank you for offering to guide me I will do my best to follow your instructions. I am dyslexic just in case you ever feel I'm not understanding you.
Best wishes
Shirley

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Shirley777
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby Shirley777 » Tue Jun 23, 2015 8:12 pm

Ps am I supposed to get an email when you reply to me. Because I haven't been. Thank you

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JonathanR
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby JonathanR » Tue Jun 23, 2015 10:02 pm

Hi Shirley,

You should look towards the bottom of the screen for a little checkbox with the words 'subscribe topic' or 'unsubscribe topic'. Clicking this should mean you will receive an email notice each time I post. But still,check the forum in case it doesn't work

No worries about dyslexia, your writing is very clear and easily understood. Thank you. And thank you very much for listing your hopes and expectations with such honesty. We may come back to these later.

Now, please tell me what it is that you think 'you' are.

Warm regards,

Jon

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Shirley777
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby Shirley777 » Wed Jun 24, 2015 4:34 pm

Thank you I followed your instructions for receiving emails.

To answer your question. I'm the person of my past all the misery and upsets and good times which are harder to remember. I am the person who grew up with a scar on her neck and breast never feeling I fit in or will ever be accepted. I am the person who fears abandonment but make it happen. I am the fat girl that gets away with it because I'm pretty and have a bubbly personality. I am the person who hides behind a mask and pretends everything is ok. I am the person who has given up on my life as there is no purpose and hope death when it arrives brings freedom. but under all this I know there is a me watching. But as I watch I feel pain and lost with no direction. Thank you for your valuable time.
Best wishes
Shirley

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JonathanR
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby JonathanR » Wed Jun 24, 2015 8:39 pm

Hello Shirley,
Thank you I followed your instructions for receiving emails.
Good. Hopefully that will work. But in any case I will try to post most days.
To answer your question. I'm the person of my past all the misery and upsets and good times which are harder to remember. I am the person who grew up with a scar on her neck and breast never feeling I fit in or will ever be accepted. I am the person who fears abandonment but make it happen. I am the fat girl that gets away with it because I'm pretty and have a bubbly personality. I am the person who hides behind a mask and pretends everything is ok. I am the person who has given up on my life as there is no purpose and hope death when it arrives brings freedom. but under all this I know there is a me watching. But as I watch I feel pain and lost with no direction. Thank you for your valuable time.
Once again, thank you for your honesty. It will serve you well.
but under all this I know there is a me watching
Is there? Can you identify this sense of 'me'? I mean, take a look and find out where this 'I' feeling is most obviosly experienced. For example, is 'self' strongly identified with body and experience of the body? Or it might be thought. Perhaps the sense of 'me' seems tied to thinking? Or perhaps it might be a general seense that 'I' is located somewhere around the head, behind the eyes? Take a look, see if it's possible to find out where 'me' is experienced and also what this 'self' looks like.

Love,

Jon.

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Shirley777
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby Shirley777 » Thu Jun 25, 2015 4:55 pm

This sense of me I don't know how or if I can identify with it. All I know is there is something there watching when I am able for a few moments to stop all the chatter in my head. It is in my head behind my eyes at he back of my head and sometimes I feel flutters around my chest. and at times it feels like I'm shifting to one side (my body) and there is no body when this happens I feel separate I feel there is a mixture of thought but I can quiet this for seconds and just feel but then I sense my body again.
The self is dark and black and nothing but feels like everything. I find it difficult to let go of the body and identifying with it and the story of my life. i don't know how I can be free of the identifying wth the me and also lead a life where I work etc....

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Shirley777
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby Shirley777 » Thu Jun 25, 2015 7:31 pm

I focussed more on the self and don't know who it is or if it exists. And when I think like this I quickly cling to the me the body the story because that makes more sense it's what I understand. I've been living my life trying to succeed having goals achieving some. For example through work and then all of a sudden I realised it was all ego based and it was a rate race full of failure and success. But I just waited for the failures. I realised that my life would be like this but I knew I was missing something and that this wasn't what life is about. So I gave up work and have been searching for the answer. My career path was chosen with my ego and fed it. I can't bare to return to the line of work now I know this. I know this is more of my story that I am attached too. I just feel the need to say these things. I don't know how what I'm trying to learn with you works with the material life I have to lead to survive and how I do things that make me happy and selfless.

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Shirley777
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby Shirley777 » Thu Jun 25, 2015 7:33 pm

When I focus on I all emotions come to live anger guilt sadness fear shame

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JonathanR
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby JonathanR » Thu Jun 25, 2015 8:18 pm

Hi Shirley,

Thank you for your posts. There is quite a bit of useful information here.

(By the way, have you discovered the 'full editor' yet? This is an option at the bottom of your reply window and if you clck on it you gain access to several editing features, including the very useful 'Quote' function. To quote some previous bit of text, copy it into computer memory and then click the quote button. Place your cursor between the quote brackets and paste the text. Then, when you submit the post that text will have an orange background).
All I know is there is something there watching when I am able for a few moments to stop all the chatter in my head. It is in my head behind my eyes at he back of my head and sometimes I feel flutters around my chest. and at times it feels like I'm shifting to one side (my body) and there is no body when this happens I feel separate I feel there is a mixture of thought but I can quiet this for seconds and just feel but then I sense my body again.
Yes. That's intereting that you notice a kind of watching when head chatter stops briefly. The feeling that 'self' is located behind the eyes or in the body is very common.
I focussed more on the self and don't know who it is or if it exists. And when I think like this I quickly cling to the me the body the story because that makes more sense it's what I understand.
It's intereting that when you looked again it wasn't clear if it exists or 'who' it is. And also, again, that there is a kind of defalt to identification with the body as 'me'.

This is a good place to start. In fact we will start with the eyes and seeing.

In standard communication, we say 'I see' and it may (or may not) be assumed that it is the body that is 'me' that is doing the seeing.

So - Right now examine your experience.
The words on the screen are being seen. What are they being seen by?
From thought, we have the idea that 'I see the screen'.
So what is 'I'? What can be found right here and now in your experience that is 'seeing the screen'.

Can anything be found? There is the thought 'I see', but is there actually an 'I' to be found that does the seeing?
If so, what is that?
Do you experience a body seeing? Or would you say that there is there just 'seeing'? Just the experience alone?


Love,

Jon

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Shirley777
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby Shirley777 » Sat Jun 27, 2015 5:11 pm

I did respond to the above yesterday but I can't find it I used the full editor option and clicked submit. I'm very sorry if you did not get it I had wrote loads too. I feel quite frustrated now but I am trying to observe this and look where the observer is. It feels like it is nothing but it has to be something. I feel my body is a vehical or something and that nothingness is inside but all around me too.
The words on the screen are seen by my brain my mind and ego but then behind this is the feeling of nothingness. But this feels weird and doesn't make sense. I asked in my post that you didn't seem to get. How can I live a life in a material world full of me's and also be for want of a better word be enlightened or know I am not separate. My life is separate the things I do each day to live survive etc is my experience so how can I also be part of everything at the same time. I suppose I'm a all or nothing thinker.
I sense the seer for moments and then I return to thoughts and feelings sensations in my body. So I would say when I am seeing and not attached to the body mind ego it feels like at first there is seeing and then shifts to experience. I feel like I let go of the seeing and experience.
Thank you so much Jon for your time and sorry if you didn't get my other post. I am fully committed to this
Love
Shirley

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Shirley777
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Re: Searching for answers - Shirley777

Postby Shirley777 » Sat Jun 27, 2015 5:13 pm

I feel myself clinging to me but the other part of me is wanting to let go. I fear


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