Reentry

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reddeer
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Reentry

Postby reddeer » Sat Jun 06, 2015 1:41 pm

I am returning to the forum after some away. I began reading the book in 2103, and had a spontaneous awakening on July 8, 2013. There may have been some preparatory work through 10 years of Buddhist breath meditation. After July 8, the not-self was all there was and Awareness realized that "I am That" - separation ended and Peace abided. I did experience a "falling through space" feeling for 8 weeks, but this was not disconcerting. I had a "stabilization" by December and continued working on all the "clean up" of conditioning that was now obvious. I spent a bit of time on the forum and read Adyashanti's book, "The End of Your World" which was very helpful.
In June and July of 2014, I spent time with my dying mother and family and the high level of emotion and stress that surrounded that. After returning home, in early August, it became obvious to me that I had taken on the cloak of the Ego again, and I had lost the Peace. I have tried to let go and relax into total nonduality again, but have been unsuccessful. I have started to reread the book and am once again asking for a guide.

Thank you.

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codyjdennis
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Re: Reentry

Postby codyjdennis » Sat Jun 06, 2015 8:18 pm

Hi reddeer,

My name is Cody & I would be happy to be your guide if thats okay with you.

Let me know & we can get started right away.

Best,
Cody
All there is, is liberation. What arises in liberation is the idea that 'I' am not liberated.

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reddeer
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Re: Reentry

Postby reddeer » Sat Jun 06, 2015 10:30 pm

Hi Cody,

That would be great. Just a note, I am on USA Mountain time, not Hawaii time.

I need to go now and spend some time with my spouse, but I will check in again on Monday morning at the latest.

Be Well,
Marc

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codyjdennis
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Re: Reentry

Postby codyjdennis » Sun Jun 07, 2015 2:05 am

Enjoy the time with your spouse :)

Before we get started I'll mention that I guide based on the premise of Looking with fresh eyes into our own experience. No assumptions of there being a self or no self. Simply we are interested in what our actual experience has to show "us".

Though I may address other things in our dialogue... everything will always revolve and come back to "Is there or Is there not a self." The main concern is seeing if we can actually find one in our experience.

At LU we call it Direct Experience. "DE" consists of our senses. Seeing, Hearing, Tasting, Touching, Smelling. And possibly we can add feeling into that. The priority though are those 5 senses.

At times it's possible that I may appear harsh. Just know I am not attacking you, I am keeping our dialogue on track. I just call it "cutting the bullshit". It's not personal by any means.


Ok, so let's get to it. It's really as simple as this. It's so so simple. We are constantly referencing "I", "Me" , "Mine" etc.
The looking following this is basically questioning those thoughts. If it is real it should be able to be found outside of just a thought. By outside of thought I mean through the five senses. Basically the basis of what we call our "real" experience.

in your actual experience right now look for this "self" or "I". Can it be found?

It can help to look at each sense individually.
Is there a 'self' in hearing?
Is there a 'self' in smelling?
Is there a 'seeing' in hearing?
etc...

Really look. Look to experience first. Then respond to me through words.

Best,
Cody
All there is, is liberation. What arises in liberation is the idea that 'I' am not liberated.

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reddeer
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Re: Reentry

Postby reddeer » Mon Jun 08, 2015 3:52 pm

Hi Cody,

Thank you for the preview. This unit is ready -the Ego may not be :)

I have reviewed the five senses. No there is no I in them.

My task now may be just letting thoughts flow, without holding, judging, or indulging in them. The mind was quiet for a year - there was little chatter and no doubt. I lost the "abiding" in that. What is the next step?

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codyjdennis
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Re: Reentry

Postby codyjdennis » Mon Jun 08, 2015 7:55 pm

I have reviewed the five senses. No there is no I in them.
Awesome :) Nice looking.
My task now may be just letting thoughts flow, without holding, judging, or indulging in them.

Notice carefully. The "My" in the sentence IS the illusion. It IS the "phantom self". You see "you" cannot let thoughts flow. The "You" IS a thought. How can a thought let thoughts flow?
I lost the "abiding" in that.
What is the "I" that lost the "abiding" ;)

Again, can it be found in experience? Or is it only a thought.
This is about seeing the illusion for yourself. Not about believing what I say.

Best,
Cody
All there is, is liberation. What arises in liberation is the idea that 'I' am not liberated.

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reddeer
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Re: Reentry

Postby reddeer » Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:07 pm

This is helpful. This unit sees the contradiction in what I said. This is pretty subtle stuff, though you are pointing towards the answers. Much appreciated.

Thoughts are. There is no I to create them. The I was chasing its tail.

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codyjdennis
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Re: Reentry

Postby codyjdennis » Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:12 pm

This is pretty subtle stuff
It's very very subtle stuff. It's especially difficult/subtle because it's fused in our language. We don't stop using, I, just notice that it's not based in reality whatsoever. It's just a tool to communicate between me and you.
Much appreciated.
It's my pleasure. Happy to help out.
Thoughts are. There is no I to create them. The I was chasing its tail.
Awesome :)

And is there an "I" in experience anywhere at all?

Cody
All there is, is liberation. What arises in liberation is the idea that 'I' am not liberated.

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reddeer
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Re: Reentry

Postby reddeer » Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:31 pm

No, there is no "I" experience ever. The "I" wants to take create or own the good times, but even they do not contain an "I". The "I" wants control, wants to be the navigator and the hero. There is no control, only life happening.

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codyjdennis
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Re: Reentry

Postby codyjdennis » Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:35 pm

Beautiful :)

You ready for the final questions?
All there is, is liberation. What arises in liberation is the idea that 'I' am not liberated.

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reddeer
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Re: Reentry

Postby reddeer » Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:38 pm

Yes.

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codyjdennis
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Re: Reentry

Postby codyjdennis » Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:39 pm

Here they are:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?
All there is, is liberation. What arises in liberation is the idea that 'I' am not liberated.

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reddeer
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Re: Reentry

Postby reddeer » Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:45 pm

I'll work on these later after finishing up some work. I'm letting some changes ripple through, as well. Thanks for working with me this afternoon.

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codyjdennis
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Re: Reentry

Postby codyjdennis » Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:46 pm

I'll work on these later after finishing up some work. I'm letting some changes ripple through, as well.
Sounds good. Whenever you can get to it. No rush.
Thanks for working with me this afternoon.
You're welcome
All there is, is liberation. What arises in liberation is the idea that 'I' am not liberated.

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reddeer
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jun 06, 2015 1:39 pm

Re: Reentry

Postby reddeer » Tue Jun 09, 2015 1:44 pm

1. No separate entity, no separate self. There never was.
2. The illusion was a fog of conditioning combined with a feedback loop (dependent co-arising - the wheel). It started in my first year, as the body was named and my behavior and life force were directed into a narrow tunnel. Positive and negative feedback was applied, learned, and taken on as if "I" were a separate entity in a cosmology of separate entities and objects. Rewards for "self", no rewards for "not-self". A toy a month, literally, for playing the role of "I". Pleasure and pain were joined to a self, and the roller coaster ride accelerated.
3. There is no emotion connected with this vision. It was what was. When I started the dialogue, the "I" thought there were tasks and roles to play. The mind/ego realized there was no "I", but concocted a strange web of confusion. There were still things "I" needed to solve, to do, to control. All this has dissipated -all that is left is emptiness. It's quiet inside now.There are no doubts.
4. The realization that the "I" can persist in so many subtle ways, even when seen as non-existent. A ghost pattern, an echo, a shadow. You pointed out it fallacy.
5. I see no control possible, or choice either. There are no more decisions to make or intention to muster. Free will - not sure what the term means now, unless it is used by an "I" as a foil to "fate". Let us move beyond all of it.
6. Thank you for guiding me back to the truth.


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