My humble and sober request for a guide...

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Dimitri
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My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Dimitri » Sat Aug 23, 2014 4:29 pm

I am tired. This way of being/seeing has gotten very old. I surrender! Whatever part of me resists this knowing, please just let go. The ache is excruciating. Nothing is worth not knowing. I simply want to relax into the truth. Tibetan Buddhism, Kashmir Valley Shaivism, non-dual Tantrik meditation, Jed McKenna, Adyashanti, Goenka, Dharma Bodhi - you have all pointed me toward the same thing. There has been relief, bliss, excruciating pain and suffering and like a mysterious color I have never actually seen, I feel like I know more than my mind will allow. Now all that is left is a strange and unfamiliar anxiety, which feels something like a threshold. Nothing is so sacred that I wouldn't surrender it for the truth. This is my humble request - for a guide who will help me cut to the chase. Trappings and ritual are no longer necessary. I just want the strait dope. Thank you. -Ben

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Dimitri
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Dimitri » Sat Aug 23, 2014 6:34 pm

AND as I wait, the mind races. Doubt, anticipation, all of it. So I thought I might elaborate some. Reading Gateless Gatecrashers, I wonder. I become confused. Is this it? Are people actually landing in a felt, embodied knowing of the truth or are these simply new thoughts? The stories sound like learnings or understandings to me. Fear arises that I may be asking for something that is beyond what's available here... or worse, that I yearn for something that's not available period. Tears.

The closest I have come to the feeling of true seeing or knowing has been a sense of late that there is a witness, an observer, watching all if it, including my self-identified self. And yet this view doesn't seem to permeate in the way that something tells me that it actually can. So much tension... in the mind, in the body... even in the soul. Where does this ache come from? It feels deeper than the body could ever contain.

And so I wait... Grateful that someone is on the way to help me see.

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Delma
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Delma » Sat Aug 23, 2014 8:42 pm

Hey Dimitri,

Glad to try to be of assistance.

I was struck by several things in your post. First, that you want 'the strait dope'.

What does that mean?

Thank you. I look forward to working with you.

Delma
There is no "I" doing this inquiry. There is no "I" looking for the "I".

Delma
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Dimitri
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Dimitri » Sat Aug 23, 2014 11:24 pm

Hi Delma. Thanks for offering to help!

Not exactly sure what I mean by 'straight dope' except for the fact that I simply want to know the truth, even if it doesn't come wrapped up in some pretty bow. Spirituality increasingly seems so complicated and overly baroque to me. I hear that is soooo simple and yet what are all of these spiritual trappings doing here?

Feeling super desperate, confused, and simultaneously right on the edge of something.

-Ben... or Dimitri... or whatever...

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Delma
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Delma » Sun Aug 24, 2014 1:07 am

Hey BenDimitri,

Do you actually *believe* that it's is sooo simple? Because that's a large part of this. If I told you it was already seen and is the simplest thing imaginable, are you prepared for the simplicity?

The reason I ask is that you've probably heard how this is so often dismissed, no? Well, it's dismissed due to the simple nature.

I'm going to ask you to think like a child right now. We're going to move as far away from all of those spiritual teachings as possible. We're going to move as far away from ALL teachings as possible. Let's go back to the beginning.

How did you learn your name? If you can't remember, then take a look around at children in your family or children of friends. How do they learn their names? And why would they need to learn it?

Delma
There is no "I" doing this inquiry. There is no "I" looking for the "I".

Delma
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Dimitri
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Dimitri » Sun Aug 24, 2014 1:43 am

Hi Delma. I do believe that it's so simple... though not necessarily easy. Only something so subtle could be so ineffable for so many decades.

My name? I don't know how I learned my name but as I watch children, or even myself with my own son who is now 14, I can only suspect that my parents simply began calling me Ben one day, or Benjamin, or Benna (the nickname my extended family sometimes still uses with me).

I remember with my son, that after he was born there was what seemed to me like a long period, where my wife at the time and I simply referred to him as "the baby" even though we had picked a name for him. The naming thing didn't stick or catch hold for a number of months. When in recall this I realize that his name became more used as we introduced him to the the world and others in it, as if it was a way to make him real to others and to himself. I imagine this is similar for everyone.

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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Delma » Sun Aug 24, 2014 2:40 am

Yes. It is.

The body is labeled. :)

Let's move to a sensory exercise to begin to move into the mode we need to be in. This exercise actually has two parts. The first is the actual experience. I will not be privvy to it at all. And in the second part, you will try to share the experience using everything you've got...

Look at anything in front of you now and select an object. Can you tell me about the object in great detail and write it out here? Use all of the senses possible to describe it. Tell me about what makes it an object, makes it real.

Thanks,
Delma

thank you.

Delma
There is no "I" doing this inquiry. There is no "I" looking for the "I".

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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Delma » Sun Aug 24, 2014 2:44 am

p.s. It's really not hard to see this. It's just that when it is seen (which is always, including right now) it's just not believed. :)

As I give you pointers such as the one mentioned: "It is always seen and not believed to be the way things actually exist, or actually are (in other words, the Truth of existence)"

Ask yourself "how is it possible that this is true?" How is it possible that it is always seen, including seen right now." The answer may not be immediate, but it will all pull together.
There is no "I" doing this inquiry. There is no "I" looking for the "I".

Delma
tabulrasablog.com
seeingnoself.com

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Dimitri
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Dimitri » Sun Aug 24, 2014 3:16 am

I am looking at a glass vase, from across the room. I have never touched it (it was recently placed there by my housemate) but it appears to be made of glass. It is a beautiful light blue. It has the glossiness and reflectivity of glass however it could be plastic too. I'm only assuming it's glass for now. In a moment I will get up and test my assumption. There is a distorted reflection of the adjacent window in it. Touching now it I realize that I am right - it is made from glass. It seems slightly cooler to the touch than the air in the room. I know this when I touch it with my hand and know it more when I touch it with my face. Maybe this isn't true though. Maybe it's just cooler than my hand and face. It is smooth but not perfectly so. There are subtle striations and imperfections in it which look like popped bubbles of molten glass that never fully melted back into the body of the case. The color changes as the shape changes, darker where the curves in the vast are tighter, lighter where they are wider. There is a peacock feather in it which projects a halo of sorts onto the inside of the vase, from the inside. The portion of the feather that is in the vase and the way it telegraphs its image onto the vase gives the vase an eerie quality, almost as if it's filled with a weird gas, the way gaseous planet looks. When I tap it, the vase makes a dull but high pitched "tink" sound. The sound stops rather quickly, no resonance the a bell might ring. Smelling it, I don't sense much - maybe a subtle scent of musty paper. As I move around it the reflections change. They seem to support my perception of it's shape, which is itself hard to describe.

Is this what you're looking for from me?

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Delma
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Delma » Sun Aug 24, 2014 3:21 am

Exactly what I was looking for, thank you.

How do you know that this object is what is commonly thought of as 'real'. It's not a philosophical question, really. If you answer it with a child's mind, can you say what the difference between this "real" object, and say, a "ghost" is?

What are the characteristics of Real vs. something not considered real?

If the question and resulting answer seems too simplistic, good. It's leading us where we need to go.

:)
There is no "I" doing this inquiry. There is no "I" looking for the "I".

Delma
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Delma » Sun Aug 24, 2014 3:24 am

A note: You'll want to take your time and consider your answers because the mind is quick, and I'm attempting to slow it down.... waaaay down. Your reflexive response with simple questions is to come up with an answer and immediately move past it, but I ask that you stop and "savor" both the questions and the answers that come up.

Thank you!
There is no "I" doing this inquiry. There is no "I" looking for the "I".

Delma
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seeingnoself.com

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Dimitri
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Dimitri » Sun Aug 24, 2014 8:30 pm

Yes Delma, I will endeavor to slow the mind during this process.

How do I know it's real? I only know that it's real relative to the belief that I too am real. When I "test" the object with my senses, it seems to test out. I can't put my hand through it like I could with a hologram or a ghost and so just as I assume that my hand it real then the vase must be real too.

Now I certainly have dreams where things (and my hand) feel just as real as this vase and the ONLY way I know the truth, that I'm in a dream, is when I wake up and see the dream in relationship to reality. I know of no experience beyond or more awake than this waking state and so I take testing done in this state as true.

If I am real and my senses are collecting information from the world outside or my body then the vase seems real. I can perform these same tests on my own body and get similar results. If I believe one then I believe the other.

B.

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Delma
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Delma » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:11 am

Like a child. I need you to answer as a child would. :)

Your answer is too correct because it's from the intellect. You've already jumped to a conclusion, which is to say "I too am real." The trouble is that this investigation is about whether that You actually IS real. So with the first two sentences, you've actually bypassed the inquiry.

It's not unusual. This is what *everyone* does. My task is to get you to stop and do the inquiry before that reflexive assumption hits.

So... You're a child. From that perspective, how do you know that something is real?
There is no "I" doing this inquiry. There is no "I" looking for the "I".

Delma
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seeingnoself.com

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Dimitri
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Dimitri » Mon Aug 25, 2014 5:59 am

Thank you Delma. I think I understand.

Is the vase real? Yes! Primarily I can see it however I can also touch it and feels it's solidity - nothing like a ghost.

That's it.

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Dimitri
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Re: My humble and sober request for a guide...

Postby Dimitri » Tue Aug 26, 2014 5:24 am

Hi Delma. Are you there? I trust that you are pacing me properly AND I am feeling anxious about this question. I would love to continue when you're available. Thank you. -Ben


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