I would like to become a guide

[Whitedot]

Hello,
I’ve learned about the website from a friend and got excited about the whole idea and its simplicity. I am willing to learn whatever needs to be learned to become a guide. I would love to offer this website in my native language.

10 years ago (after 20 years of dedicated Zen practice) I had an awakening experience. It was a profound experience, the most important in my life. My life has changed completely since that.

Since the experience I stopped looking for what’s wrong with me? I have no doubts that my stories are just stories not reality even though sometimes they cause quite intense feelings. I learn to get less engaged with the stories. I learn to be more translucent in my encounters with other people.

I left Zen community short after this experience, I practiced kriya yoga then for a few years. Now I am not associated with any spiritual community. I am a psychotherapist and a parenting coach.

I am ready to start the process.

With gratitude,
Kristina

[Whitedot]

I am in US Central time zone.

[Xain]

Hi Kristina

Welcome to the Forum - Great that you would like to be a guide here. Additional help is always welcome, and greatly appreciated.
In order to become a guide, I will need to have a chat with you to ensure that are suitable.
This may, itself, be considered a form of guiding.

I take it that you have read the information on the front page, and understand what we do here.

10 years ago (after 20 years of dedicated Zen practice) I had an awakening experience. It was a profound experience, the most important in my life. My life has changed completely since that.

Perhaps you could tell me a little about it - What was realised.
What do you consider 'your life' to be now?

Since the experience I stopped looking for what’s wrong with me? I have no doubts that my stories are just stories not reality even though sometimes they cause quite intense feelings. I learn to get less engaged with the stories. I learn to be more translucent in my encounters with other people.

What is your opinion or view about 'the stories' now, opposed to before the experience?

Xain ♥

[Whitedot]

Hello Xain,
Thank you for your quick response. And thank you for choosing to be my guide in this process.

Yes, I did read the information on READ ME FIRST.

You asked about my awakening experience 10 years ago.

It was 2-3 days after 7 day meditation retreat. I was at the Energy Psychology conference and attended a private session with a psychologist who developed his own energy psychology method and worked with people with chronic diseases (I was diagnosed few months before with fibromyalgia).

In the middle of the session when we were talking about a symbol that would represent my responsibility for my mother’s happiness I suddenly experience an immense wave of energy going up. My whole body was shivering. I saw a ring of vibrate, flowing energy around my heart. I was filled with immense love and joy. Suddenly I saw a transparent membrane that separated me from my past suffering. It was so relieving. I was watching my life like a movie. It was a pure observation, completely neutral and peaceful. My past was just a story, like a movie. I felt boundless gratitude. I felt delight and freedom.
With the next huge wave of energy the membrane and everything else disappeared. I did not feel joy, I was joy. It was just pure experience of peace and bliss. There was no past, no future; there was no suffering and a cause of suffering. There was no body and there was nothing beyond body. There was no I or me.
A moment later I was aware of the body again. I started to laugh and my whole body laughed.
For several weeks after the experience I radiated with joy and could not stop smiling. I felt that I got out of darkness. I felt free of my past suffering.

You asked - what I would consider “my life’ to be now.
Great question!
‘My life’ now means the beauty of the moment, a joy of coming up with a new, creative thought, a joy of watching a bird, a joy of connecting with someone; listening to a body, experiencing a feeling in a body; peace, gratitude or sadness.
I also learn to accept life as it is, to let go of resistance that means to remove “the self, I or me” as much as I can.

What is your opinion or view about 'the stories' now, opposed to before the experience?
I would say that my attitude towards my past has changed and with my attitude “my story” has changed. The stories I tell myself or others are not facts from my life. These are just stories. Before the experience I thought that ‘my stories’ were facts from my life.

[Xain]

Hi again Kristina

There was no past, no future; there was no suffering and a cause of suffering. There was no body and there was nothing beyond body. There was no I or me.

This is a nice description.
Is there an 'I' or 'me' here right now?
There is a body here, no-doubt. Is it 'you'?
Is it 'Your body'?
Do you control it?

I also learn to accept life as it is, to let go of resistance that means to remove “the self, I or me” as much as I can.

Two questions spring from this.
Is there an option to accept life, or to not accept life?
When you say 'remove the self' as much as I can, what is this process? Can you tell me what happens?
Can a 'self' remove a 'self'?

Xain ♥

[Whitedot]

Hi Xain,
Unfortunately I was not able to write answers to your questions today. I had very busy day.
I will write tomorrow.
With gratitude,
kristina

[Xain]

Hi Kristina

No problem at all - Answer when you are able.

Xain ♥

[Whitedot]

Hello Xain,

Is there an 'I' or 'me' here right now?
There is a body here, no-doubt. Is it 'you'?
Is it 'Your body'?
Do you control it?
‘I’ or ‘me’ is just a thought, a concept based on social roles and expectations. I use the concept on a daily basis but it is not ‘me’. It is not who I am. Who I am – is non-dual Awareness, Presence.

I don’t own a body, it is not ‘my body’ but the body has an individual history. Thoughts and actions affect the body. Most of the time I don’t control a body but when I stay in non-dual Awareness I can choose to control it, for example by practicing a particular way of breathing I can slow down a heartbeat or lower my blood pressure etc.


Two questions spring from this.
Is there an option to accept life, or to not accept life?
Yes, there is an option to accept or not accept life. By accepting life I mean not to resist to whatever it brings, not to fight, not to be engaged with past conditioning. It means to be present, to look at life from Presence, not from thoughts and forms perspective.

When you say 'remove the self' as much as I can, what is this process? Can you tell me what happens?
Can a 'self' remove a 'self'?
I would describe the process like this: it starts with realization at the moment that something e.g. a pain or someone’s words triggers the past conditioning. If I am aware at this moment that I am not this past conditioning I can choose to stay with Presence, with being instead of doing. I can free myself from habitual response.
But sometimes I am engaged in thoughts and I respond with something that I would not respond if I would be present and aware that I am not that thought, I am not this body. So, it is a process of remembering to stay in the space of non-dual Presence instead of ‘self’, ‘I’ or ‘me’.
It is not a ‘self’ that removes a ‘self’. It is non-dual Consciousness, Awareness, Presence. It is not even removing, maybe more stepping back into Presence.
with love,
Kristina

[Xain]

I don’t own a body, it is not ‘my body’ but the body has an individual history.

Could you give an example?
How is it known that the body has a history?

Most of the time I don’t control a body but when I stay in non-dual Awareness I can choose to control it, for example by practicing a particular way of breathing I can slow down a heartbeat or lower my blood pressure etc.

Ok, when you say 'I control it', what specifically is 'I' - What does the word point to?

Yes, there is an option to accept or not accept life. By accepting life I mean not to resist to whatever it brings, not to fight, not to be engaged with past conditioning. It means to be present, to look at life from Presence, not from thoughts and forms perspective.

Ok, I understand. This is a conventional view of accepting.
If we take as an example - something unpleasant happening right now, there is conventionally the choice to accept it or not accept it.
What is making this choice?

It is not a ‘self’ that removes a ‘self’. It is non-dual Consciousness, Awareness, Presence. It is not even removing, maybe more stepping back into Presence.

Ok. Is 'non-dual Consciousness' something that is here right now? Something that can be located or pointed to?
Or is this more of a concept / an idea / thought?

Is it clear that 'non-dual Consciousness' is capable of control or actions e.g. 'stepping back into presence'?
How is this known?
Or is this an idea / thought of what is happening?

Xain ♥

[Whitedot]

Hello Xain,
I am sorry I did not write today but I attended a family funeral in another town. I will write tomorrow.
:) kristina

[Xain]

Thank you for letting me know, Kristina.
Write whenever you are able to.

My questions are quite 'deep' - If you don't have an answer just say 'not sure' or 'doesn't make sense to me'.
It is no problem.

Xain ♥

[Whitedot]

Hello Xain,
Yesterday I had a funeral; today another death in the family. Amazing how it waves in our talks.

Could you give an example?
How is it known that the body has a history?
The body was born on certain date, was pregnant three times, went through certain sickness, surgeries etc. There is a medical history of the body.
Also a body remembers past experiences.

Ok, when you say 'I control it', what specifically is 'I' - What does the word point to?

'I' means that Presence (non-dual awareness) is aligned with the thinking process, and then it is possible to control a body.
Ok, I understand. This is a conventional view of accepting.
If we take as an example - something unpleasant happening right now, there is conventionally the choice to accept it or not accept it.
What is making this choice?
When something unpleasant happening right now (let's say that my 8 months old granddaughter fell and started crying) this is how it may go:
I realize that thoughts such as, "It looked very scary. She might hurt herself seriously" appear and strong fear appears. There is an urge to go into thinking and doing something strait away. I choose to stay still for a quick moment to get clear what needs to be done. Then, I hug my granddaughter and feel love, there is no fear.
'I' in "I choose to stay still' mean Presence. So it is Presence that is making this choice.

Ok. Is 'non-dual Consciousness' something that is here right now? Something that can be located or pointed to?
Or is this more of a concept / an idea / thought?
Yes, it is here right now. It is not a concept or an idea. But also it is not a form. It cannot be located or pointed to because it is not a form, it is non-dual, it is oneness. It cannot be seen, I cannot be heard but it can be experienced. It can only be experience in the present moment, here right now.


Is it clear that 'non-dual Consciousness' is capable of control or actions e.g. 'stepping back into presence'?
How is this known?
Or is this an idea / thought of what is happening?
It is not an idea, it can be experienced. Yes, it is absolutely clear that this is ‘non-dual Consciousness’, ‘Presence’ or ‘God’ that is capable of control.
I don’t know how is this known. It just feels absolutely right. There is no ‘me’, ‘self’ and I had no doubts about it but when I was thinking how to explain things to you - I kind of looked for ‘Someone’. It is so sweat that I found ‘someone’ who is ‘no one’.

[Xain]

How is it known that the body has a history?
The body was born on certain date, was pregnant three times, went through certain sickness, surgeries etc. There is a medical history of the body.

Would other people (strangers) know that the body had this history?
If not, how does the body have the history?

Let's say you consider when the body was born - Let's say the thought appears like 'I was born on xxth of xxxx, in 19xxxx'.
Would it be fair to say that is an idea? A thought appearing right now?
Other than this thought appearing, how else is it known that the body was born on that specific date?

'I' in "I choose to stay still' mean Presence. So it is Presence that is making this choice.

Is 'Presence' an actual 'thing' that you have located that is making the choice.
Or is it more of an idea?

'Non-dual Consciousness'

Yes, it is here right now. It is not a concept or an idea. But also it is not a form. It cannot be located or pointed to because it is not a form, it is non-dual, it is oneness. It cannot be seen, I cannot be heard . . .

Since it is not a form, and cannot be experienced using the senses as you suggest, how is it known to be here right now?
Or is 'Non-dual Consciousness' more of an idea of what is happening?

Yes, it is absolutely clear that this is ‘non-dual Consciousness’, ‘Presence’ or ‘God’ that is capable of control.

Ok - Perhaps do a very simple experiment.
Choose one of your arms.
Now raise that arm in the air.
Is it clear to you at this point that 'non-dual Conciousness' controlled the movement of the arm in to the air?
How have you established that it was the cause?
Or is this more of an idea or thoughts about what is happening?

Xain ♥

[Whitedot]

Would other people (strangers) know that the body had this history?

If not, how does the body have the history?

Other people would know through their senses (it can be seen, smell etc). How about other people's thoughts? Some thoughts represent reality, right?

But body remembers also past experiences (‘stories’) and they are not available to other people.

Let's say you consider when the body was born - Let's say the thought appears like 'I was born on xxth of xxxx, in 19xxxx'.

Would it be fair to say that is an idea? A thought appearing right now?

Yes, ‘I was born on…’ is definitely a thought appearing right now.

Other than this thought appearing, how else is it known that the body was born on that specific date?

That's the reality, right? The reality is that a body was born on certain date, in a certain place with particular people around.

Is 'Presence' an actual 'thing' that you have located that is making the choice.

Or is it more of an idea?

It is not a thing, it does not have a form. But it is not an idea either.

Since it is not a form, and cannot be experienced using the senses as you suggest, how is it known to be here right now?

It can be experienced but not through senses. It can be sense somehow. I have no idea how. Maybe through our senses but 'different sense' than regular 5. Not sure.

Or is 'Non-dual Consciousness' more of an idea of what is happening?

It is not an idea because it can be experienced.

Is it clear to you at this point that 'non-dual Conciousness' controlled the movement of the arm in to the air?

No, the body makes the movement through communication between the brain and the muscles.
When you say ' Is it clear to you at this point..." - does it mean that it is clear to you; that this your belief?
Also the combination of 'non-dual consciousness' and the word 'control' does not seam right for me. I used it before but it did not feel right. I would say that 'Presence' or 'non-dual consciousness' is just 'there' and it does not make anything. I can open up to it.

How have you established that it was the cause?

I don't think it was the cause.
:) Kristina

[Whitedot]

Hello Xain,
do you have any suggestion how to open app with this forum from App store. I installed it on my ipad and cannot open it?
With gratitude,
Kristina