Ready for a guide

[Taras]

Hi, I can say I have almost everything in life but I realized material things don't bring true happiness. Sometimes when I sit still and just stair at one spot I have a feeling like I am watching myself as a movie character. Yet I can’t get a hold of that. I feel like something is missing in my life, I know i'm holding myself back in life. There's part of me wants to figure this thing called “life” out so badly, I want to find a meaning for all this but book after book, self help training courses one after another, more and more information and I’ve been reading about this stuff for 5 years already and I feel like im the same place where I started. Going in circles. I say to myself, once I figure out the Truth then I can be happy and live my life to the fullest. But now I feel stuck. Everything feels meaningless. I don’t know what to do.

I know the most important question need to be answered which is "What/who am i?" but I cant figure out. I would like end my search. If you could guide me Delma through this I will be forever grateful.

thank you,
Taras

[Delma]

Hi Taras,

Welcome! I have a couple of questions for you. :) Please answer each, and keep in mind two simple 'rules'.

1. You must respond with 100% honesty, and your responses need to be what you are able to directly witness in reality. This is not as simple as it seems as thoughts so often 'cloud' the picture. We are going to learn to separate thought from reality.

2. You should post at least once per day.

Did I mention the honesty? :) This means that 'spiritually correct' answers won't work. They have to be YOUR truth (ironically), or the process stalls.

Ok...

Question:
Are you familiar with the process here, and that we point to the absolutely verifiable FACT of reality... that there is no separate you anywhere at all?

Secondly, what are your expectations for how this process might change things?

Thank you. Looking forward to this.

Delma

[Taras]

Hi Delam, thank you again for taking your time for doing this. Yes you have my 100% honesty.

Yes I'm a little bit familiar with the process, I've read the ebook Gateless Gatecrashers, it was very interesting.

I understand intellectually that there's no separate "me" but there's something that still feels like i'm the doer. I can see that my name, I or me is a label, its made up, my parents tough me to identify myself as "Taras" or "I" but that doesn't explain anything and when I ask myself who is me? I get a blank.

My expectation from this process i'm hoping i have some kind of shift or a different perception about life that will easier live and be happier. I use think that when a person is liberated, all the knowledge is at his/her figure tips, miracles happens and special psychic powers. After reading Gateless Gatecrashers, i let go of these ideas. It don't really care about these things. All I want is the Truth.

[Delma]

Hi Taras,

When you ask yourself 'who is me', you get a blank.

You seem dissatisfied with that answer.

:)

What if that is the truth of the answer? What do you think?

[Taras]

Yeah I think it is probably the answer but i don't seem satisfied for some reason. I guess i'm just waiting for that "AHA!" moment and to make it practical in life.

I have a question about free will. I've read somewhere that life is already predetermined. Is it true?

[Delma]

Hi Taras,

We need to be 100% certain of all answers. So when you say, "I think", or "probably", or "I guess", it's an invitation to look closer so that there can be unshakeable certainty.

Tell me about the 'blank' you get when asking the "Who am I" question. Why is it blank?

Thanks!

p.s. When you ask 'is it true', I can't answer. The answers here must be your own discoveries which are made after examining questions asked. The reason for this is so that we don't instill any new beliefs. Only when all answers are yours can the gate be cleanly crossed!

:)

[Taras]

Hi Delma,

So I was meditation on the question "Who am I?" and kept asking who am i? what am i? I notice there's a "space" between thought. I'm wondering "Who is it that hears this thought?" I get nothing. Silence. Another thought I had that I notice if "I" "Me" didn't exist how life would be different? The attachment to memories and all the experiences i had would disappear. They would lose value. It wont be "personal'. I felt fear and resistance. If nothing is personal there's no reason to get angry or worry about things. But there's is a part of me that still wants to control life. How do I go from here?

[Taras]

Meditating* (Sorry for my spelling)

[Delma]

Before we tackle control, we need to clearly see what it is that wants control. Because otherwise you may move into trying to believe what I say about control, or even begin to become confused.

When looking for the entity that wants control....

feel it now. Feel the need to control.....

Where is the entity that wants to control something? Is there something there? Describe it.

[Taras]

It's my desire or a goal to make lot's of money so i will feel secure in life but when I look for the entity that wants control, it doesn't exist. Nothing is there, just emptiness. It felt so heavy when i go through the day and thinking i need to this and that but when i stop and look inside, it not really there. Whats driving me? Nothing. I made up the story and believed it like it was 100% true.

[Delma]

Does fear come up with this?

[Taras]

Yes fear failure, that I might fail to achieve my dreams..how I want my life to be and to have true success and to proof to everybody that we create are our reality and dreams do come true.. the a feeling of hopelessness comes up and sadness. who is feeling the sadness? its just an emotion. Just passing by. I realize that i'm not my thoughts or my emotions, if i'm aware of it, it cant be "me". Im going to back that "space" between thoughts, something is listening or watching the thoughts, these ideas. Is it just "awareness"?

[Delma]

Taras, hello.

I apologize but I did not get notification of your last post. If that ever happens again, please do feel free to private message me. I will not abandon this thread! :)

Please don't dismiss the emotions and fear or sadness. We want to see through it, but not dismiss is because it is validly appearing. The question is... what is it appearing to?

Don't worry about whether it is awareness yet. Awareness is an idea. Can it be found.

So take a close look, please. When the fear appears, it is 'attached' to anything? Does it appear to float freely? Is it located somewhere? What are its qualities?

Thank you and I apologize for the delay.

Delma

[Delma]

Hi Taras... checking in. I will send you a PM.

[Taras]

Hi Delma,

I thought I said something wrong in the post that why you probably didn't to reply but anyway yes I would love to continue.

At the time i was experiencing fear but it seem it disappeared now. I do have sadness. There's an attachment to memories about my ex girlfriend. I cant seem to find where it is located. I'll have a tension at my chest area but when i focus on it, its not really there. I cant find it.

Also I have this different experience, When i stop and look at my thoughts and really try to listen what i'm thinking, i have this long loud silence. it feels like thoughts arise and disappear. Feels like i'm a watcher. But who is watching them i'm wondering.

Thank you for replying,
Taras