Looking for a Buddhist Guide

[Padmalaya]

Hi. Can someone help me to see through the illusion of 'I'.

[smudge]

Hello, I can guide you if you would like.

Tell me a little about yourself and your journey so far to help me tune in.

What name shall I call you by?

Warmth,

Smudge

[smudge]

Hi Padmalaya,

You said:

Hi Smudge

I think I'm responding to your message! You did send me a 'I can guide you if you like.'?

I'll assume I'm right. If so. Thank you so much. I'm having trouble navigating the site.

I have been ordained in the Triratna Order in 2001. I first started to meditate in the early eighties with what I think was a Hindu teacher. I
Then I had a life changing experience of beginners mind. For some years I continued to pursue meditation with this group but no one could help me with what I had seen. Eventually I found the Triratna Order in Sydney. The dharma resonated with the experience. Unfortunately I wanted to re-experience the beginners mind thing. Of course this didn't work, although I believe I have been able to 'understand' it more.

I'll try to explain what I understand, or to describe it. There was great and perfect love and light. A universe switch no 'me'; very faint 'other' beings in light. Nothing to be concerned about. Everything was alright, all was ok. Beauty. Some kind of amazing understanding of everything. 'I' wanted to tear around the city shouting it out to everyone that they need not be unhappy!

This only lasted for a few hours. Tis is what has kept me in pursuit of 'liberation', but alas I haven't ate got there yet. Please ask me anything.

with gratitude
Padmalaya

Thanks for your introduction. This is your 5th attempt at being guided so you much be keen!Make sure you take a read/look at the disclaimer and video on this page: http://www.liberationunleashed.com/

Before we begin can we agree:
We both agree to post at least once a day, unless we let each other know otherwise.
I will ask you questions and you will respond with upmost honesty. Responses are best from direct experience (felt senses and observed thoughts). Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress.
Put aside all other teachings, philosophies and such for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily and essential meditation practice, it is fine to continue that.
Lastly, Please learn to use the quote function; instructions are located in the link below this line: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660”

Then, write me any expectations you have about what seeing through the illusion of self will be like, lets hear it all.

Warm wishes
Smudge

[Padmalaya]

Thank you Smudge. The link re quote function seemed inert. I got nowhere. I agree to post every day unless I let you know that I can't and I agree to all the other conditions.

My strongest expectation is that I will feel relief. I believe it will be ordinary and in that case funny. I've always thought that must be the reason we see that fat monk laughing.

Where is the option for being advised of the message?

Thank you for your patience!

Kindest regards
Padmalaya

Ps are you a man or a woman?

[smudge]

So, if you are reply ing now..look up. there is a word quote. To use it, highlight what you want to guote and then click on quote. Done.

To get message alerts, look at the bottom of this box and tick the bottom of 4 options, the one that says Notify me when a reply is posted.

Good.

I believe it will be ordinary and in that case funny.

Yes, thats pretty accurate!

So now lets make sure we are singing from the same hymn sheet as it were. When I ask questions I am asking you to answer from Direct experience (DE): DO THIS and report back please: Take a sultana (or small piece of food) and look at it, now close your eyes and think about it, how 'did' it look? what do you 'think' it will taste like? How do you feel about the prospect of eating it or even about doing this exercise? Now put it in your mouth and directly experience it. Whats that like? What is the difference between thinking about, feeling and actually experiencing from this exercise?

looking forward to hearing
Warm wishes,

Smudge (Female & UK)

[Padmalaya]

Looking at a grape.

Looked fat.
It will taste wet.
Not good about eating it.
This exercise? Can't understand it. Cross.
Thinking about - decisions have to be made about it.
Feeling - more relaxed
Experiencing - same as above I'm afraid.

[smudge]

Please the read the exercise again and do it as asked It involves thinking about eating the fruit and then actually eating it and then comparing.
The exercise highlights what is meant by direct experience and therefore vital for this dialogue.
Best wishes
Smudge


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Padmalaya]

Thinking about eating the grape was passive, sort of neutral and quiet. Actually eating the grape was much more intense because I could feel it with my tongue, the texture of the skin and the flesh, with my teeth and I could taste it, so it was more real. Imagination didn't play a part.

Kind regards
Padmalaya

[smudge]

Great Padmalaya, so DE is quite differently to thoughts about it. This will really help.
So now, write what comes up when you read, there is no you, no entity in there controlling things, none as in Zero! There never has been and there never will be!
Warmth, smudge.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Padmalaya]

I get it Smudge. I understand even, but I don't get it as a direct experience, if you know what I mean.

Gratitude
Padmalaya

[smudge]

Hi Padmalaya.

I understand even, but I don't get it as a direct experience

So that's a thought that comes up.

What else, what feelings? frustration? doubt?

We have only just started so no rush, so what does the word "I" point to in DE? when you say I understand but don't get it, really look and write what is found.

Love Smudge

[Padmalaya]

Frustration, fear ('I' won't get it).

'I' won't be there in DE. So 'I' points to nothing.

Nothing is found.

'I' am just an empty shell. Although this is a thought about what I understand.

[smudge]

Frustration, fear
('I' won't get it).

Brilliant! This is important. A thought "I won't get it" dances with a sensation 'fear/frustration"
Any sign of a self here yet?

Notice this: Dukkha is only sensation and thought.

'I' won't be there in DE. So 'I' points to nothing.

Thought and I'm guessing more fear?

Nothing is found.

You got it :-)

'I' am just an empty shell. Although this is a thought about what I understand.

Well spotted no actual "I', just a thought.

Really look at the sensations of fear, describe in DE, add kindness, and then peak behind...what is fear protecting?

Love Smudge

[Padmalaya]

Oh wow....I'll have to keep this for a while before I respond.
Love Padmalaya

[Padmalaya]

Chest is tight. Breathing a little faster.
There's heat.
Deep breathing.
Protecting nothing