I'm ready to go through the gate

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creede
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I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby creede » Thu Oct 17, 2013 8:07 pm

Hi,
I'm looking for a guide. I have seen through a lot but still don't think I am through.
This minute as I type this, I am meeting a sense of resistance... something does not want me to hit submit.

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Paulo
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby Paulo » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:21 pm

Hi creede, my name is Paulo, apologies for the wait, our guides are busy little bees :) It would be a pleasure to guide you.

A few ground rules -

1. Post at least once a day, if you cannot post, or need more time, let me know.
2. Be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.
3. Answer from personal experience only.
4. Read the disclaimer on the Liberation Unleashed main page - http://www.liberationunleashed.com/
5. Read the FAQ page to get an idea of what we do here - http://www.liberationunleashed.com/LU_FAQ.html
6. Learn how to use the quote function when responded to messages - viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

Understand that I will be guiding you, rather than teaching you, and the more you put into this process the more you will get out of it.

If you are happy to agree to the above, let me know and we can begin.

Share a little of your story so far, what brings you here?

What do you expect will happen?


Paulo :-)

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creede
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby creede » Sat Oct 19, 2013 8:14 pm

Hi Paulo,
Thanks in advance for the guidance!
I have gone over the disclaimer and agree to it. I read the FAQ page and am good with that and I am willing to post daily and with 100% honesty.

The path that brought me here was A Course In Miracles and Jed McKenna. They pointed to the truth that I am not the thoughts I think but that they are really a repetition and something I needed to look beyond. I've been going through this for about the last 4 or 5 years, reading ACIM daily and any other book I was led to. I've seen through a lot. Lost a lot too. It's weird to not have a structure of rules that I live by anymore, I don't do things just because I was taught to do them before.

During this time frame, I also watched two little kids learn the rules of how to be human. Watching that helped me easily to see that it's all learned behavior with love given or withheld as the consequence. And that nobody really knows what the hell is going on, and certainly not parents or teachers or spiritual leaders. People are just peddling their beliefs, nothing is fact or true, it's only the buyer who wants to believe them.

This ends up feeling like a lonely place. I was still holding out hope that I would get into a romantic relationship again and life would have some meaning... it was my last hold out. But damn it all, I can't fall back to sleep!! It's laughable because - well, it just is... It's a doozy of a story protecting the last of the stories. I can see through it, I just haven't let it go. I get that any relating I do with another person is just a series of thoughts that I have about them and thoughts that I tell myself about what they feel for me. That can't bring me the warm and cozy feeling it once did. :-(

I am not experiencing life from awareness, I am there at times but not coming from there exclusively. That is my expectation: to be experiencing life from awareness, not the story. I am ready to get out of this limbo land. There is a joy that you all speak of, I've felt it and want to feel it more. I know that I am not seeing from the present, but that I am still looking out of the goggles of the past. Help me see...

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Paulo
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby Paulo » Sat Oct 19, 2013 8:21 pm

Hi creede,

Wonderful to have you here, and thank you for sharing some of your story with us. I just love your attitude and willingness to get down and get the work done :)

Your expectations of what will happen here are just that, expectations - thoughts of what may happen in a future that hasn't happened yet. All I ask is that you put them aside just for the moment, dive in, and accept whatever happens. Remember, reality has no respect for expectations, it simply is as you find it, and it's a very beautiful thing.

What thoughts, feelings, and sensations come up for you when you read the statement below -

There is no seperate self behind the words 'me' or 'I' in reality, never was, and never will be.

Paulo.

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creede
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby creede » Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:19 pm

Woohoo, glad to be diving in.
First thing that rises up is a question... What do you mean? Like the mind wants to go into a big mindfuck! It wants to start swirling questions around me so I can't even understand the original question. It wants to distract me.

I am sitting with it. I focus the question more directly and ask it like this... How do I feel if I read this statement: there is no separate self typing this right now.? Then I get this feeling... Whoa! Then what's doing the typing, what's doing the thinking? Typing is happening... thinking is happening... and then even this question... is thinking happening?

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creede
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby creede » Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:34 pm

I am thinking this thought about other things now... What is making this food? What is getting up and doing things? It's a cool feeling... there is curiosity.

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creede
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby creede » Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:41 pm

I don't know how to explain this but I feel like I am turning around to look at my self. It's cool, and it's filled with curiosity. What am I finally seems like an appropriate question.

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creede
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby creede » Sun Oct 20, 2013 12:11 am

There is no I or me... there never was and never will be.
what can that possibly mean?
I was sitting on the porch with the neighbor, we were having a conversation. I thought about this... there can be no her or she... what is having this conversation if there is no me and no her? The kids were playing, butterflies were flying around. I was wondering how all of this can be and also can't be.

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creede
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby creede » Sun Oct 20, 2013 1:54 am

Okay, no matter what I am doing I still feel that there is an I doing it. My mind absolutely wants to "help" me figure this out, it blows out air to prove that it is here doing something. I am on this thought... how does the blowing out of air prove that there is an I blowing it out? What is blowing out air? The body, but why? It seems to be in response to something trying to prove that it exists. The something is a thought, but what is thinking the thought? I thought it was my mind, but now I wonder what is that really? I have a hang up about the brain... is it what is having these experiences or is there an awareness that exists outside of my human brain?

So in answer to the original question I feel confusion when I read the statement:
There is no seperate self behind the words 'me' or 'I' in reality, never was, and never will be.

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Paulo
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby Paulo » Sun Oct 20, 2013 12:03 pm

Thanks creede,

Don't think too much about it, or analyse it, that will only bring you further into thought and all kinds of tangled webs. What we ask that you do here in your inquiry is simply to LOOK at what IS, that's all. For example, if I ask what is in front of you - you would probably say 'computer screen'. It's really as easy as that :)

Let's look at that same question in a slightly different way -

What EXACTLY is it you're referring to when you say 'I' or 'me'?

Paulo.

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creede
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby creede » Sun Oct 20, 2013 5:22 pm

A body with "my" thoughts... which acts on them or doesn't.

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Paulo
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby Paulo » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:17 pm

A body with "my" thoughts... which acts on them or doesn't.
Is there anything that decides to act on these 'my' thoughts?

Is the body the 'I', or are there just thoughts ABOUT the body being 'I'?


Paulo.

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creede
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby creede » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:33 pm

A body with "my" thoughts... which acts on them or doesn't.
Is there anything that decides to act on these 'my' thoughts?


Is the body the 'I', or are there just thoughts ABOUT the body being 'I'?


Paulo.

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creede
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby creede » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:42 pm

Well, I see I don't know how to use the quote function...

Is there anything that decides to act on these 'my' thoughts?
I can only say it's an identification with the thoughts. Let's say I have a thought that I am thirsty, I identify to that thought and decide what to drink...

As I type this though it feels that it's obvious that there is no decision being made but that it's an endless stream of things happening that some fabricated self is grabbing onto to make itself real. I then tell a story about it to make it important or real. What's up with this thing that's not real being so seemingly real?

Is the body the 'I', or are there just thoughts ABOUT the body being 'I'?
I am just thoughts about the body

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Paulo
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Re: I'm ready to go through the gate

Postby Paulo » Sun Oct 20, 2013 8:17 pm

Let's say I have a thought that I am thirsty
Let's look at this a little closer, perhaps you could even turn it into a practical exercise by actually getting thirsty, and then respond to the question below -

Is there a separate being called 'I' having a thought that it's thirsty, or are there just thoughts about sensations labelled 'thirst'?
As I type this though it feels that it's obvious that there is no decision being made but that it's an endless stream of things happening that some fabricated self is grabbing onto to make itself real.
Nicely put, you will probably see when you respond to the question above that thoughts arise in reaction to stimuli, and even to other thoughts (which are mistaken for stimulii). This all happens on automatic, and is almost mechanical in nature.
I am just thoughts about the body
Excellant, if you look even closer you may experience that the body pretty much does it's own thing without an 'I' in charge. It digests food, repairs and renews old and damaged cells, grows hair and nails - all without 'our' direction or input.

Here's a nice exercise to explore thought -

Think of a car.

Share your experience of what happens when you think of a car in as much detail as you can.

How did the thought arrive? Was there a creede there choosing the particular car that appeared in thought, it's colour, size, etc?

How did that particular car appear from all the possible cars that could have appeared?


Paulo.


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