Looking for a guide

[Jan55]

I feel a little bit nervous, but ready to jump into the unknown. I have read a few experiences on this site, and can hear how hard it can be to really see for some people, and I feel a bit aprehensive about not getting it, but I am ready to give it my best. I have been doing Byron Katie's Work for a couple of years, and after reading here, I am getting a much deeper understanding of what she is pointing to, when she says "is it true?" and "who would you be without that story"...I would really appreciate having a guide to point me in the right direction. I can see how being able to have a guide tailor the questions to your current experience, and also the writing and reporting on what you find can really be a catalyst, and I feel grateful to have the opportunity of making this request.

Jan

[Pallavi]

Hi Jan, I'd be happy to help :)

Could you tell me a bit more about your journey, your understanding of what you have read and practiced, and how you came across LU?

Just a few ground rules.
Try as much to reply at least once a day to keep the momentum going.
Keep away all philosophies and practices that you have been engaging with, just for the process- it's best to come in with an open mind. If you meditate you may continue with that.
Try to keep your answers concise, but don't sacrifice clarity for brevity.
I'll be trying to help you in every way possible, sometimes giving you exercises to do and sometimes questions to answer. Please try and answer to the best of your ability. If you are unable to do an exercise, or unable to answer a question, it's ok to say you don't know.
That's all. If you're ok with these we can continue :)

[Jan55]

Hi Pallavi,
Thanks so much for your offer to help.

I have always been interested in reading books about spiritual ideas, like Alan Watts, Ram Dass. About five years ago I read Eckardt Tolle and then through message boards on the internet I found out about Byron Katie and I have been doing Byron Katie's Work for the last 4 years or so, and through that I started finding out more about non-duality and other teachers like Adyashanti. Firstly my interest was about improving my life, but lately I feel like I want to go deeper, beyond that. I am interested in finding out what is really here, what this is. And there is also a want to feel at peace as well...to stop the constant searching.

I came across LU through someone's "likes" on facebook - no one I know personally - it was a chance find. I'm still amazed there is a site like this where people help each other in this way- it's wonderful.

I will try to reply once a day - I can't see a problem with that. I am in Australia so there will be a bit of a time difference lag I think.
I have read your disclaimer by the way.
I will try to answer to the best of my ability.

Jan

[Pallavi]

Alright :)

Very nice

What are you searching for and what are your expectations from this process?

[Jan55]

The searching feels like it goes in lots of different directions...It used to be about searching for self acceptance. Lately the searching is about what it means when people say there is no one here. I really want to know what that means and experience it.
My expectations from the process are that it will show me how to look a different way from how I have been looking at myself up till now.

[Pallavi]

Very nice :)

What do you think it means when people say there's no one here? What is your understanding of it?

[Jan55]

I understand it to mean the self is an illusion. Which I can see to a certain extent. I can't find an I when I look. I'm not absolutely sure what exactly I'm referring to when I say I. But there is still a feeling of me. And now I'm trying to figure out what it is I'm referring to when I say "me" as opposed to "self" or "I".

[Pallavi]

When you think of your 'self', what comes up?
What would you use to identify yourself? Body? Mind?

[Jan55]

There seems to be the small "s" self - who I am in the world, made up of my particular personality and body, and the big "S" Self which is something deeper - not connected to thoughts.

[Pallavi]

There is no self. In any way, shape or form, big or small. How does this statement make you feel?

[Jan55]

I feel like I want to prove that yes, there is a self....here I am. And if I consider that you are talking from experience and telling me the truth, then I feel scared. If I am not here in any way shape or form, what is here? It's unknown.

[Pallavi]

The best way to find out is through direct experience. Thinking doesn't help :) We can't reason out reality.

Feel the fear. Which part of the body is it in? What is it protecting?

[Pallavi]

Prove to me that there is a self.

[Jan55]

I can't find anyway that I can prove a self...

My previous post isn't appearing. I wrote that the fear is protecting me from the unknown.

Thanks for your guidance Pallavi...I will have to go soon, it seems that the time lag isn't a problem after all : )

[Jan55]

It seems quite strange to say that I can't prove a self. I will let that sit for awhile.