Thread for Siddarth

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Pallavi
Posts: 268
Joined: Sat May 11, 2013 3:12 pm

Thread for Siddarth

Postby Pallavi » Sun Jul 07, 2013 4:48 am

Hi All,
Creating this thread for easy access to my conversation with Siddarth.

Part 1

Hi Pallavi,
I would be grateful if you could be my guide.
I have always felt something lacking in my life. And I have been going
through all kinds of spiritual books and online satsangs. But I havent
gained much out of it rather than an intellectual understanding. I truely
want to experience it to the core. Could you help me out??
Much love,
Siddarth.
Pallavi Laxmikanth:
Hi Siddarth,
Would be happy to help :)
What brings you to LU? Tell me a bit about your journey so far.
Siddarth V
Thanks a lot Pallavi.
Can we maintain this conversation like this over the email. So that I can save myself the embarrasment of typing in the LU forum. Its actually ok with me either way. But I would be more comfortable if I could get your guidance in private. Please let me know.
Pallavi Laxmikanth:
Sure not at all, but I would have to show it to the other guides at some point in time if that is ok with you. It is part of our process. It needn't be in a place where everyone can access it though.
Take care :) there is nothing to be embarrassed about!

Siddarth V
Ofcourse. You can show it to them anytime you like it. You can use my real name as well. That's completely upto you. Meanwhile I would just prefer to have a one on one conversation with you. That somehow gives me a sense of freedom to speak out my mind. That's all.


Let me ponder over the question you asked me regarding my journey till now. I will reply on that in detail.
Pallavi Laxmikanth :
Sure. Just a few ground rules. Try as much to reply at least once a day to keep the momentum going. Keep away all philosophies and practices that you have been engaging with, just for the process- it's best to come in with an open mind. If you meditate you may continue with that. Try to keep your answers concise, but don't sacrifice clarity for brevity. That's all. If you're ok with these we can continue :)
Siddarth V:
Sure enough. I agree completely. :)
I would like to say one more thing. I do write english reasonably well. But when it comes to communicating my deeper thoughts and emotions in english, which would be required here, I may not be that good. So please bear with me. I will try my best to convey what I want to say. You seem to be from India. I'm also an Indian. That's one reason I chose you as my guide so that I could communicate more effectively.
So how to get started?

Pallavi Laxmikanth :
Tell me about your journey and what brought you here
Siddarth V:
I have always felt that there's something more to life. I always wanted this absolute sense of freedom where you can love everyone unconditionally without having to crave for their attention or love in return. I wanted to be happy on my own, with or without a person. I started out in the spiritual direction about 5 years back with Osho's books. Since then I had been reading a lot of books and watching a lot of videos. I have an intellectual understanding as to there is no separate self. But I havent realized it yet. Once I had a beautiful inner experience, But it didnt last long. Then I somehow came to LU while searcjing on the web for relevant material.
Pallavi Laxmikanth:
Lovely :)
Don't we all want that
What are your expectations from this process Siddharth?

Siddarth V
Actually I want to reach a point where I can get free of all expectations and I can attend to each moment in life with absolute peace of mind. Is it possible??
Pallavi
It can and there's a trick in your statement itself :)
Lets proceed though. You do not exist. At all. How does this statement make you feel?
Siddarth V
Actually I feel excited at the prospect. If there is no "me", then I wont know what is happening or why it is happening in life. Everything will just go on happening.
I'm not sure. But that's what comes first in my mind.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Nice :) what do you think is the sense of self?
Siddarth V
When I try to locate the self, I always end up with my body. For instance, if I point out to someone that THIS IS ME, I think I will do it my placing my right hand on the center of my chest and say "this is me". I know I'm not my body.(intellectually). But I somehow have this sense that I'm the body.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jun 26 (7 days ago)

to Siddarth
Can you prove to me that you are not your body? (Intellectually or otherwise)

When you think of me, you feel it in your chest. When you think of no me, what feeling arises? Does it have a place?

Sent from my iPhone


Siddarth V
That was beautiful. I cannot think of no me. I cant find it anywhere. It seems impossible.


Pallavi Laxmikanth
:)
Take a look around the room. Do you see you?

Siddarth V
I'm looking around. I can see all the things in my room. But I cant get a sense of anything like me. But then who is doing the looking?
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Is there a you to do the looking?
Look at yourself breathing. Is Siddharth required for breathing to happen?
Siddarth V
Only when you asked me, I was conscious of breathing. So it must be happening on its own.
Siddarth V
Thanks for your valuable time Pallavi. Really appreciate that. I guess I will doze off then. Sleep Well. Good Night. :)
Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Great :) yes breathing happens and the fact that you breathe comes as an after thought.
What is this I that is conscious of breathing?

Siddarth V
That "I" came out of habit. But when you ask me about it, I cannot exactly pinpoint it.
I think siddarth stands for a collection of body, thoughts and feelings.

Pallavi Laxmikanth
Exactly.
Go out, point at a rock.
You are pointing to show where the rock is.
Does the rock cease to exist if you stop pointing?
Can you mistake your fingers for the rock at any point?
Call it rock. Then call it my rock. What is the difference that you feel?

Siddarth V
No, the rock continues to exist, whether I point towards it or not.
If I call it rock, it is just a label. I can call it anything I want. If I call it "my rock", it just seems to be another kind of label.

Pallavi Laxmikanth
Yes :) it is a label. They are both labels.
It applies to any situation.
In the pointing analogy can you tell me between your fingers and the rock, which object you would replace with adjective 'experience' and which you would replace with 'I' ?
Turn on the fan in your room. Is turning on the fan 'your' experience? Does it belong to you?

Siddarth V
Does that mean "I' is just a finger pointing to the experience. It is not the actual experience(rock) itself.
No, turning on the fan is not "my" experience. I'm getting to understand that I'm separate from any experience. But still that sense of "I' is there which is separate from each experience.Maybe I'm getting confused. Please feel free to correct me.

Pallavi Laxmikanth
Yes!
We hurt, get disappointed because we claim experience as ours. We think it belongs to us, and start associating various feelings to it.
You have pointed to thoughts, feelings, body, senses. Where is the self?
Just take a look around. Remember the label metaphor - You can call anything whatever you want. Shut your eyes. Open them. What do you see? Just see.
Siddarth V
Just now I had a verbal fight with my father. I'm almost crying now. He called me worthless. There's a long story behind that. But right now I'm at a loss of words.


Pallavi Laxmikanth
Is there a you to feel worthless? When was Siddharth created? Who created Siddharth ?
Siddarth V
There is no "me". Siddarth was a label given to this body-mind by my parents. But this body- mind came into existence from my parents right??
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Did this body mind come into this world as Siddharth?
It came as any other body mind right? Siddharth was told he was worthless. does that belong to the body mind? Does that mean the body mind is worthless? Does that mean every body mind is worthless?
Hurt is there. It is felt. Is it 'I' that is feeling it?
Siddarth V
Wow. I understand. All these are labels. Once I assume the label Siddarth, every other label seems to be personal. But this feeling of hurt that arises, and the emotional outburst that accompanies. What to do about that??
Siddarth V
Even those feelings are not personal, right? Its just that i'm trying to own them. But its ridiculous. Why would I own a negative feeling. :O
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Everyone hurts. It's ok. Let it in. Feel it fully. Don't attribute a cause or a label to it. Cry fully. Allow the hurt to be there. It is doing its job. It is protecting you.
Just relax into the hurt. It is your friend.
Is it 'I' that is hurting? When does the thought that 'you' are hurt come in?
Look at the story of Siddharth. What part of it is real?
Pallavi Laxmikanth
I'm sorry I've misspelled your name for so long! Will make it a point to write Siddarth.
Siddarth V
Love you. :)
I just got into the privacy of my room and fully let it out. I felt so light. I think people should be alowed to cry when they feel to do so. Why is it so condemned. Its the labelling of that feeling as something bad, that hurts. Otherwise, its just another feeling like being happy. Crying has its own beauty. :) :)
Siddarth V
Ha ha..its ok if you mispell my name. You only taught me that metaphor , that you can call anything whatever you want. ;)
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Much love Siddarth :)
Haha yes, you can call anything whatever you want.
I'm very happy for you

If you want, we can relax for today. Or continue, as you wish :)
Siddarth V
I dont know. I would love to chat with you forever.
But since I found some peace today, I guess I will just relax into it.
Is there some good book to read? Or should I just allow this peace to settle in?
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Let it settle in. Go through the LU website, there are some good blogs to read.
When you feel relaxed, do this exercise: http://markedeternal.blogspot.in/2012/05/labels.html
This is Ilona's blog. She's a fantastic person.
Do this sometime today before you sleep, and write to me :)
I will get back to you tomorrow morning.
Lots of love Siddarth!
Siddarth V
You are a fantastic person too. :)
I will write back to you after doing that exercise.
Thanks a ton. Take Care.
Siddarth V

Hi Pallavi, I tried it out. Its a great exercise. Once I started writing up my thoughts itself, I started feeling relaxed. But without using the "I" , it feels altogether more relaxing. I feel like I need not interfere with what's happening. Let it happen. Or maybe there's no need to even "let". Its happening.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Great :) It's just a little practice and a reminder.
Exactly, it is acceptance of whatever is happening and letting it pass through the being freely and fully. You see when you do that, it goes the way it comes :)

Part 1:

Lets look at your sense of self and how its tied in with the body.

Think about the labels. Look around you. The book is a label for something, we give it a name, a function. Its made up of matter. The lamp, the fan, everything around you. Even you, Siddarth, you are a label.

Take a look. Shut your eyes. Now open them. Just see. What do you see?

Send me the answers to Part 1 and then do Part 2

Part 2:


You say you know that you are not the body. You now know that Siddarth is a label.
The body mind is not Siddarth, we've established that. Siddarth was created by your parents and surroundings. We've established that. Feeling comes, we label it as good or bad and feel it. We've established that.

What makes the story of Siddharth create feelings in the body? If the body was not yours, you shouldn't be feeling it right?

Is the body experiencer? Or is the body experienced?
Siddarth V
I did Part 1. Without assuming labels, when I closed my eyes, there was a blank space. Couldn't see anything in particular.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Did you open yours eyes to see? Or did you see with your eyes shut? Is there a difference between seeing with eyes open and seeing with eyes shut?
Siddarth V
With closed eyes, there was a blank space. I couldnt think of anything in particular. When I opened my eyes, without labels, there was a great wonder in looking at things. Different things didnt seem to be separate as with using labels.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Yes, when we try to see 'things' we see 'things' :) Otherwise we don't see anything in particular. This is seeing everything for what it is.
Is there an 'I' in the room when you just see? Is there Siddarth in the room?
Can you try this with touching, tasting and smelling? :)
Siddarth V
I tried with touching. It seems more alive and sensitive without "me". As if some energy has flown into the touch. :) Seems like I can "touch" someone's heart with my touch. ;)
Pallavi
What do 'you' feel when you're touching?
Do you have to use your fingers to touch?
Can you find the boundary of the body? Can you feel the boundary touching something?
Siddarth V
I cannot make out a "me". There is a sensation of touch and a feeling like warmness or softness. That's it. But there seems to be a tendency afterwards when I think, to own that feeling.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Take a look again.

What is this sensation of touch? What is touching? Are you touching?
Can you find the boundary of your body?
Pallavi
Also tell me about smelling and tasting
Siddarth V
When I go deep into it(touching, smelling, tasting), I can find no word to describe it.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
:) Yes, because if something smells nice or not- its a label :)
If something feels warm or not, its a label.
But also, like with the seeing, there is no separateness <3
Keep trying the touching and the smelling.
At your next meal- try and see what you taste
Pallavi Laxmikanth
You can do part 2 now if you like :)
Siddarth V
I dont know what to say Pallavi. I have been pondering over your question for enough time. Nothing seems to be true.
Pallavi Laxmikanth =
It's perfectly ok to not know.
If its not true, having enough of untruth is a drive to finding what is true.
It's ok :) it's all ok. It always was :)

When you look at something, it triggers a thought right?
The thought triggers a feeling?
Take a look at your thoughts. Remember when I asked you to look at your breathing, you saw that 'you' became conscious of it only after I asked you if it was 'you' who was breathing.
Breathing happens. The thought that 'we' breathe is an after thought. But it is just a thought.

Take a look at your thoughts. Can you control your thoughts at any point in time? Can you stop thinking for five minutes? Can you stop thinking at will?
Siddarth V
Thanks for that. :) <3
No, I cannot control my thoughts. No idea where they come out of.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Look for the I in thinking. Is I a thought or a thinker? Do thoughts come from I?
Do you know what your next thought will be before it comes?
Siddarth V
No thoughts are just arising spontaneously. Even "I" is a thought.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Can a thought think?
Is there a difference between the I/you/me?
Siddarth V
A thought cannot think. I/you/me, everything is a label. Or everything is a thought.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Look at the story of Siddarth/label of Siddarth. What makes it stick? What makes it so personal?
Siddarth V
The story is just a thought. The "I" is also a thought. When they arise in sequence, it seems to be personal. but that is just another thought.
Feel free to correct me. I'm just trying to answer it spontaneously.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Can you explain how the arrival in sequence makes the story stick. If they arrive in sequence they should leave in sequence right?
But you are absolutely right about 'but that is just another thought' <3
Siddarth V
ha ha..poof. All gone. From where do you come up with such questions.
Even the thought about sequence is another thought. There seems to be just "one" arising.


Pallavi Laxmikanth
:) Think about belief and the idea of belief.
Lets rest for today and continue tomorrow.
Keep looking in your own touching, tasting, smelling and seeing.
Siddarth V
My best moment was when I went fully into the touch sensation. I felt a voidness, when I stripped off every label. That was beautiful. But then everything came back. Just as you said, maybe I need to look more into it.
Take rest. I'm not feeling sleepy at all today. Will miss you.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Is there a you to do the looking?
Can you unsee what you have seen? Can you untouch the voidness :)
Siddarth V
Ha ha. So we both dont exist I guess. So sad. ;(
I was really enjoying this conversation from an "I"'s viewpoint.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
:) we can continue more 'I' conversations after your process haha.
Siddarth V
Thanks for the motivation. Another reason to be liberated. Now there's no escape. :)
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Did you think about belief?
What is belief?
Siddarth V
Yes, pondered on that. A belief is always about something that you are not sure, whether it exists or not. For a real thing, there's no need of a belief.
Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
What is the difference between the real and the believed?
Do you not believe what is real then?

Imagine you have an apple in your hand. Imagine the contours and shape and colour. Open your eyes. Is the apple there?
Did it disappear or it never existed?
Is the self real or believed?
Siddarth V
You can have a belief about something real as well as something imaginary. But the belief as such is not real.The self is also a belief. It is not real.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Belief is not real. What is belief then? The self is not real.
Is there a you to believe or not believe then?
What is real?
Did the apple disappear or it never existed?
Siddarth V
Belief is just a thought.
The apple never existed. The self never existed.
Only pure experiencing is real. Any thought about is not real. Whenever any thinking comes, it adulterates the experience.
Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Are thoughts not real? Do thoughts not exist?
Who is experiencing?
Siddarth V
Thoughts exist. Its just that they dont happen to anyone.
Experiencing can happen with or without I thought.
Its all messed up, Pallavi.
Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
What is messed up?

Siddarth V
I get it at times. I dont get it at times. Yeah, there's no "I" to get it. But sometimes it resonates. Sometimes no matter what I think about the same thing, I have no clue.
Having a headache. Its all muddled.
Pallavi
It's ok. Imagine your mind has believed in the I for so long. And now suddenly it doesn't exist?
It's a lot of work for the mind to do. Just relax, this is normal :)
Experience happens Siddarth. And there is no I.
We think I is experiencing. We try to control our life and get disappointed . Why? Because it happens. We are disappointed because we think we control it. If we accept with open arms whatever comes our way, isn't it much easier?
Siddarth V
Yeah. Actually I regretted after sending that message. When I went deep into the headache, it just melted away. Back to being happy. Now this may not again last long. Its ok. Acceptance. Beautiful.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
That's all there is to it :) relax for sometime and we'll continue later
Siddarth V
Yeah, you relax too. After all, I'm giving you a tough time. I know you wont mind it at all. But thanks so much for your love and patience. :)
Pallavi
You're not giving me a hard time at all :)
Is the body a part of the self? What ties in the idea of the self to the body?
Does your body have a boundary?
Does it have an inside and outside? Can you find the line separating the inside and outside?
Siddarth V
Body exists. There is no self to claim it. Its just a thought that seems to tie them together.
Without labels, there is no boundary. And there seems to be "no body" also.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Nice :)

Is your body an experiencer then? Or is it experienced?
So, do you exist as a separate entity?
Is there a self? If it is not, what exists?
Siddarth V
Nothing is experienced. Just " ".
Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Really?
So you don't experience hurt, happiness, anger, sadness?
Siddarth V
Deep down everything is the same. Everything when broken down reaches a same space. But not able to give it a name. Just " ".
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Yes
But are you saying nothing is happening? Is breathing not happening? Is eating not happening?
Who is it happening to? What is it happening to?
Siddarth V
Without the label "I" and without even the label "breathing", its just there.
Pallavi Laxmikanth
Forget the label metaphor for a bit. Look at your direct experience. Breathing is happening. Who is it happening to?

Answer the other questions from this:

Is your body an experiencer then? Or is it experienced?

So, do you exist as a separate entity?

Is there a self? If it is not, what exists?


Take your time thinking about it. Answer all the questions sequentially.

Siddarth V
Breathing is just happening. Not to anyone.
The body is experienced.
No, there is no separate entity.
There is no self. Just this happening in this moment, whatever that is.
Pallavi Laxmikanth

Is there a difference between you and let's say.. A book?
Is there a difference between you and a friend?
Do you exist as separate entities? If not do you exist together?
What is happening? What exists for these happenings to be experienced?
Siddarth V
Everything is the same expression. There are no separate entities.
When hearing, only hearing is happening. Like wise, with each sense, whichever is happening. Nothing exists separate to experience. Experiencing is the happening.
Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Alright nothing separates experience but what experiences experience happening?
Siddarth V
Experiencing is all that is there. Every notion of somebody experiencing it comes later. That is in itself experiencing.
Siddarth V
There is no separate experience and experiencer, Its is one experiencing.


Pallavi Laxmikanth
Is experiencing is all that is there? What are you then? Forget the label, forget the constructs. There is some activity, some flow which experiences/ experiencing right?
Pallavi
Are you experience then? What are you? Forget the self/label.
Siddarth V:
I'm part of that experiencing. But there is no separate I.
Pallavi Laxmikanth:
You need to think about what exists. You are talking about experience happening. Yes. No separateness. Yes. What is together that is experiencing then?
Siddarth V:
Ha ha. Can we meet up in personal so that you can really slap me hard. Seems like that's the only way I'm going to wake up.
Come on...."Wake up sid"!!
Thanks to you, I'm accepting everything that comes my way. The results are showing up. Life is more beautiful.
But all the self and no self talk talk is becoming more like an intellectual exercise for me. Right now I'm definitely lacking the clarity. I know even that's ok. Only if it was absolutely clear.
Anyways, I'm going out with my friends now. I will come back and sincerely think on your question. You're a sweetheart.
Pallavi Laxmikanth:
Sure everything is ok :) but are you still seeking?
Siddarth V:
Are you still seeking?! Well, it depends on whether the guide will continue interacting or not, once the seeking is not there.
Siddarth V:
Hey, what happened? No reply for a long time. Hope everything's well with you.
Siddarth V:
Cant sleep. Feeling like I lost something. Feeling like crying. Trying
to accept it. Not able to.
Siddarth V:
It is raining heavily outside.And its also raining heavily inside.
Never cried so much in my life. Will never make anyone cry. I know now
how it feels. Sorry to bother you. Sharing with you has always helped.
Feels as if a big burden has been lifted off me. Now I can sleep well.
Goodnight. Bye.
Pallavi Laxmikanth :
Take a break for a few days. Think about whether you are really seeking or you need someone to talk to. I will get back with a few direct experience exercises for you to do.
Siddarth V
I'm sorry. I was not here to find someone to chat with. I was really seeking. In fact, I wanted to be free from all neediness. Absolute freedom.
If it was just to have a chat, I have a lot of friends to do that with. Rather, so called friends. Because most of the time, I couldnt be myself with them. For instance, I had to fake smiling when I dint mean it, just to preserve the relation. As a result, I never had someone whom I could call my best friend. Only these large number of so called friends. That's one reason I got emotionally attached to you. When I started talking to you, I felt like I have got myself a best friend here. First time I felt I can just be myself and talk to someone. Someone who accepted me the way I am and said "Its all ok". It felt immensely beautiful.
I know you are not doing it because its "me". It just in your nature to help others. I am noone special. You would guide someone else with the same love. But with your guidance, I started accepting life. And there were obviously many visible changes. I was more happy. Once someone hurt me, I didnt bear grudges anymore. I was jovial.
Maybe I was accepting life more gracefully just because there was an inner assurance that no matter what happens, you are there to help me. Not because the clarity was there that there was no "I". Otherwise I wouldnt have felt lost, once you were not there. I didnt know why I cried so much yesterday. It felt childish then. But I dont regret it now. It was amazing.

User avatar
Pallavi
Posts: 268
Joined: Sat May 11, 2013 3:12 pm

Re: Thread for Siddarth

Postby Pallavi » Sun Jul 07, 2013 5:12 am

Siddarth V
Jul 3 (4 days ago)

to me
Dont wanna waste my time. And yours too. Lets get it done, or undone. Whatever that is.
Let me know when you are ready with the exercises.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 3 (4 days ago)

to Siddarth
Hi Siddarth, no problem- I'll let you know when I've got them. In the meantime would it be ok if I posted our conversation in the guiding area for some of the other guides to access? We can continue the conversation here, and that would just be there as a document for them to refer to.

Thanks


Siddarth V
Jul 3 (4 days ago)

to me
Yeah, you can. But cut off all that extra crap I have ever said, that deviates from the matter. You know what I mean. Hope that leaves you off with anything sensible to post. Good luck.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 3 (4 days ago)

to Siddarth
That extra crap shows exactly where you are in the process. It's not a bad thing to show it because it is honest but it's not good for your seeking process if you are attached. I'm sure you know that by now. If you think talking to me is deviating, I can help you find another guide. Otherwise I am happy to continue.


Siddarth V
Jul 3 (4 days ago)

to me
As far as the posting is considered, feel free to do whatever you feel like. And as far as helping me is considered, again feel free to do whatever you feel like.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 3 (4 days ago)

to Siddarth
Umm you kind of have to be specific cause we can go back and forth with this haha :)

Sent from my iPhone


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 3 (4 days ago)

to Siddarth
That's fine. I'm just going to post and continue your process. Cool?

Sent from my iPhone


Siddarth V
Jul 3 (4 days ago)

to me
:) Dont bother asking. Go for the kill.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Alright Siddarth, lets continue.

When the “I” has been seen through, fully and completely, what's left?


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
Everything will happen effortlessly.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
What is everything? Will it happen now or was it always happening ?

Sent from my iPhone


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
Everything means whatever is happening. Cant say "it is now happening" or "it was always happening." Its just happening. All this "now" and "past" is part of happening.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Everything is happening. Yes. If I told you this was the point of life would that be ok? ;) the 'its happening' cycle is an easy one to get into.

When the “I” has been seen through, fully and completely, what's left?

I need the answer to this from your direct experience. You have said the self is not real, it is a thought. What exists for you now ? In your life. You can describe it. Think intuitively from the heart. Don't make it an intellectual exercise.

All this "now" and "past" is part of happening

Yes the concept of time is a label. But we use it for description. For now, forget about the label. You know what it is, and you know that we are speaking in this language and will use it for communication.

What exists right here? Does the now exist or does the past?

Is there a line between the now and the past? Is there a centre of the now?

What are memories?

Cant say "it is now happening" or "it was always happening." Its just happening.

Does seeing through the I show you that whatever is happening has now started happening or has it always been happening and will always be?





Sent from my iPhone


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
When I look into direct experience, everything is happening as it was. Feeling arises. Thought comes up. Some stiffness is there in the neck. Typing is happening. Thinking is happening. Everything is noted. But I dont feel like something to do about it.


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
There's a thought arising about some memory in the past. But its just a thought coming up now.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Ok are there any doubts at all about seeing through the illusion of the separate self?


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
I feel like I should ask you something. But I'm thinking "WHAT?"
Am I day dreaming. Just kick me hard.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Do you have a doubt about the illusion?


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
Nothing in particular. But I dont think I have seen through any illusion either.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Why do you think that


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
Because I dont find anything has happened to me.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
What were you expecting to happen


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
I expected a change in perception. ha ha. leave it. whatever. everything is ok.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Do you see a change in your perception from a week ago to now?


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
If you doubt- do the seeing, smelling, touching and tasting.

Did you try hearing?


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
ha ha..yea definitely. Its funny. I'm sure you must have laughed your heart out at my message. Come on, be honest.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
When you were tasting food, what did you taste? Was there a discernible taste?

See you know the theory- the testing is for you to do. The laughing is for you to do :)

Look for yourself. Find if you exist as a separate entity.

Exercise 1:
Watch a movie. Everytime you see a character say something- find the truth in what they are saying. Look at the illusion they create - of their identity, of their identity in that situation, and the illusion of the situation itself. Keep looking for it.

Exercise 2:

Read a newspaper. Just read. (When you are doing it you will know what I mean). Look for the truth in every word that is written.

Exercise 3:

Hear. Just open your ears and hear. Find the self in hearing. Are you hearing? Are things being said, said to you? Look for the truth in the meaning of the words said. Are they true? Listen to the conversation with your friend as a third person, not as Siddarth. Find the truth.

Do these exercises over today and tomorrow. Try finishing one today and write to me before you sleep.

Take your time doing it again and again until you are absolutely sure that this is your experience.


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
There is only hearing. Noone to hear it. When I hear the sound of a bird, in reality there's just hearing. Thoughts immediately come up saying "Its beautiful", "Its the sound of a bird" , "I'm hearing it", "My ears are hearing it", and so and so. Ultimately when you strip down the experience, you reach to hearing. You cannot go beyond hearing. Even "hearing" is a label. But I need it to communicate with you.


Nothing is being said to a 'me". Just "hearing" is there. A thought may or may not arise claiming it is addressed to "me". Based on my conditioning, a thought arises saying this is "true" or this is "false". A feeling may or may not arise with it and an associated action may or may not be taken. But throughout the process, there's no "me" involved, even if a thought may say so.


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
That was exercise 3, by the way.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
When you hear, do you hear sound?

In a conversation if your friend calls you a jackass, based on some event that happened? Is it true that you're a jackass? Is the event true?


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
How do you know there is no one to hear it. Prove to me there is no one to hear it.


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
Hey that question, even I had a doubt. Only the sound is there. Isnt that what we call "hearing" too??


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
;) think about it


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
Yea, its one thing. :)


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
Jackass?? Well, the word comes from nowhere and there's noone to recieve it. There will be "hearing" it. A thought may come up saying it is "bad". A feeling may arise, which the thought may label as "sad". Its noted for what it is. But there's no "me" to be hurt. A thought may say "I'm hurt". Its just a thought.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Just tell me if it is true. Don't trace your thoughts.
Tell me if the event which triggered him calling you a jackass is true or not.
Tell me if the relationship between you and him is true.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
What is one?


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
Sound and hearing is not separate.


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
The event is not true. His conditioning triggered him to call that.
There is no relationship with him. There is no "me" and no "him" to relate.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Yes :) I like this answer

Sent from my iPhone


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
No. This is again on the lines of 'everything is happening' , 'nothing is separate'. If I said these to you and said 'wake up!', would you be ok with it?

What do you hear. Simple and straight. Can you hear silence?


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
I get it. Silence is just absence of sound. There is nothing to hear. Just hearing.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Good. Just hear. There's nothing to hear. Practice it. Go into your hearing. Are you actually hearing nothing?

Sent from my iPhone


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
sound may or may not be there.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Nope
If something is there then you're hearing something.
Keep trying


Sent from my iPhone


Siddarth V
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to me
I got it when you talked about silence that there is nothing to hear.
But then I wonder why is there hearing at all. Why all these notions of sound and responding to that. Why this illusion at all.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
Not getting. Hear it. Did you hear?

You tell me. Why is the illusion there?

User avatar
Pallavi
Posts: 268
Joined: Sat May 11, 2013 3:12 pm

Re: Thread for Siddarth

Postby Pallavi » Sun Jul 07, 2013 5:40 am

Siddarth
For no reason whatsoever.


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
Jul 4 (3 days ago)

to Siddarth
We've created this illusion, to give name and meaning to things we see happening around us. But the illusion is only ever an illusion. Remember, you're pointing at the rock, but the rock exists whether you point at it or not.

Siddarth

Hmm...so everything is going on as it needs to. Why bring a "me" into it?? :)
Now I can play with the self image if I want, knowing there's no real self.


Siddarth V
Jul 5 (2 days ago)

to me
There's no resistance. There's an easiness. :)
But there's something somewhere like l want to absolutely confirm that I have understood there is no "me". But if there's no "me", who is there to understand and confirm it right??!!
Whatever. Life's beautiful. <3 <3


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
1:16 PM (20 hours ago)

to Siddarth
Did you get to do the other two exercises?


Siddarth V
1:37 PM (20 hours ago)

to me
Yeah. With the newspaper, there's nothing true in it. Just "words" are there like bubbles, pointing to nowhere. There's just seeing. Rest are mind interpretations or thoughts.
With the movie thing, even our lives are like movies. We are just playing out a character. We can play out any other character. Not bound by any permanent "self" which must always do such and such thing and has a personality of some sort.


Pallavi Laxmikanth 1:39 PM (20 hours ago)
:) are you ready for the last few questions? On Sat, Jul 6, 2013 at 1:37 PM, ...

Siddarth V 1:53 PM (20 hours ago)
Yeah, sure.

Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
1:55 PM (20 hours ago)

to Siddarth
Alright, here we go:
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it
works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this
dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything
happen? Give examples from your experience.
6) Anything to add?

User avatar
Pallavi
Posts: 268
Joined: Sat May 11, 2013 3:12 pm

Re: Thread for Siddarth

Postby Pallavi » Sun Jul 07, 2013 5:41 am

Siddarth:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

There's no such thing as a separate "I" or "me" or 'self" in any form. It has never been there.


2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

When someone is born, they are given a name for identity sake. But then people start assigning qualities to this self. We are helpless as children. We assume that to be true and build a personality. Many beliefs are formed like, "I" believe or not believe in God. Certain morals are defined. We start comparing this self image with the morals. Good and bad, right and wrong, eveything starts being observed from the "I" viewpoint and actions are done. "I" starts feeling guilty or proud. The whole life starts revolving around this "self". Castles are built and broken in the air. And it leads to so called suffering.

Now, everything is happening by itself. Still "I" is used. The label as itself is not an issue. It make things easier to point out and makes life easier in a society where people can communicate and interact with each other. But there's no controller of life as a separate "I".


3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this
dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Seems like there's been no change. But when I look back, there's been changes. There's no more complaining about life. No bearing grudges. No categorising of something as good and bad, or right and wrong. Just looking into the moment and deciding.
There's an acceptance of life and easiness.
Thoughts and feelings happen, including the thought of an "I". But not an issue. Body is taken care of. But I am not the body.




4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Dont know really. I was seeking. Somewhere during the process, there was no more seeking. Happened on its own. Exercises really helped me, like the ones with the touching and hearing. It helped me see that there's just experiencing. No separate entites to experience or be experienced.


5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything
happen? Give examples from your experience.

No, life is happening by itself. There is no chooser or controller.
Right now, typing is happening. A thought "I am typing" or "I decided to type or not type" is just a thought appearing spontaneously. There is no real "me" doing the typing.



6) Anything to add?
Nothing to add or subtract. ;) Everything's already perfect.
Just Love!!! <3 <3 <3


Pallavi Laxmikanth <pallavi.laxmikanth@gmail.com>
9:12 AM (57 minutes ago)

to Siddarth
Very nice :) I'm very happy for you Siddarth. I'm just going to check if the other guides have some questions for you ok?


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