Would love to be guided!

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Kellykury
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Would love to be guided!

Postby Kellykury » Fri Jun 14, 2013 9:00 am

Hello my name is Kelly.
I've been reading the Gateless book and watching Elena and Ilona on Youtube. Have had some kind of opening and I cant and wont look back.
So do you no the tale of the snake and the rope? Well, I've had a glimpse on the rope but, it feels that I'm just not close enough to know.
Please Help!

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Detox
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Detox » Fri Jun 14, 2013 1:43 pm

Happy to Guide you --- I don't know the tale of the snake and the rope -- but i do know if we hold to the rope it can burn our hands --- so be good to know the tale - let me know if you would like to begin the process. with kindness Detox..

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Kellykury
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Kellykury » Fri Jun 14, 2013 2:48 pm

Hi Detox, thank you so much for replying so quickly.
Yes please let's start and get this over and done.
The snake and the rope: Suppose we are walking down the country road at night. We look down at the ground and suddenly we see a snake and become frightened. Then we turn our flashlight on it. We look again and we see that there is only a rope, no snake. The rope was there all along, never a snake, but the rope appeared to us to be a snake because our sight was obscured by the darkness, because we did not focus our light on it. As a result of seeing a snake we became filled with fear and worry. When we found that it was only a rope, the appearance of the snake dissolved.

Love and appreciation
Kelly

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Detox
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Detox » Sat Jun 15, 2013 6:17 am

Yep that is a great story. I remember reading that one sometime ago. You are already seeing things more clearly. So formalities first.

So welcome. My role is to guide you through your own unique process.

There are few things we need to make clear before the journey begins.

Firstly --- what would you like me to call you?
Secondly - Please confirm you have read the disclaimer http://www.liberationunleashed.com/
Thirdly - we have a working agreement - please see below - and let me know you are happy with it - and that you give me permission to guide you through the process.

1. You agree to post at least once a day.
2. In general, the guide will ask the questions for you to respond to
3. Responses require your utmost honesty
4. Responses are best from direct experience (felt senses and observed thoughts). Longwinded
analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress.
5. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies and such for the remainder of this investigation.
Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily and
essential meditation practice, it is fine to continue that.
6. Please learn to use the quote function; instructions are located in the link below this line:
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660”

I look forward to hearing from you - with kindness

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Kellykury
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Kellykury » Sat Jun 15, 2013 6:59 am

Lovely, please call me Kelly. And what would you like me to call you?

Yes I read the disclaimer and agree with the terms.

Happy to start when you are.

With appreciation

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Detox
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Detox » Sun Jun 16, 2013 5:59 am

Hi Kelly ok let's get started. I look forward to hearing from you daily. You can call me Detox....
My role is to walk beside you and guide you so you can see clearly. Be succinct with your answers as this is a process of looking rather than intellectualism

So Please could you introduce yourself a little, particularly:

* what brings you to Liberation Unleashed?
* what do you hope to get out of the journey?
* what would you expect it to be like it you are successful?

With kindness

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Kellykury
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Kellykury » Sun Jun 16, 2013 1:33 pm

Hi Detox, thank you so much for taking the time to guide me.
Just so you know, English is not my first language so my vocabulary may not be so extensive to provide a clear understanding of my experience. Don’t hesitate to ask me again if anything may feel unclear, ok?

* what brings you to Liberation Unleashed?
I didn’t want to go down this road by myself. And the opportunity offered here is just what I needed. The push, the energy to focus and get the job done.

* what do you hope to get out of the journey?
I hope to be able to see reality for what it is, interact with the world around (I know it implies separation, don’t know how to express better) in an authentic way. No fake boundaries, limitations.

* what would you expect it to be like it you are successful?
I expect it to change my life in a way that may not be understood by family and friends. And even though I know that that’s is just thoughts it is what is keeping me from moving on.
I have 3 little girls under the age of 5 and a loving husband who is so open to my way of being even though he doesn’t fell the pull to awake himself.
So my biggest fear within this process it is that I don’t want them to suffer because of me. Wile writing this feels so true and untrue at the same time. The story of being a mom and wife it is so strongly present. It is like they are my responsibility and my awakening feels very selfish. Like if I was going to separate from them. Getting clear about this whole thing. I know this is just another story but the pull is so strong I get sucked in without knowing.

With appreciation
kelly

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Detox
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Detox » Mon Jun 17, 2013 4:52 am

Hey Kelly - it is an advantage that English is not your first language. So you can drop that first story.
English is not my first language so my vocabulary may not be so extensive to provide a clear understanding of my experience
and of course the story that
Awakening is selfish

So lets begin to work on you becoming aware of when you are
sucked in.
see if you can begin to loosen some of this....

I really hear you when you write
So my biggest fear within this process it is that I don’t want them to suffer because of me. Wile writing this feels so true and untrue at the same time. The story of being a mom and wife it is so strongly present
.

So relax - and lets put all your fears aside ...and your expectations of what may happen.

What comes up when it is read that there is absolutely no "you' in any way, shape or form, there never has been a YOU, not is thee or will there ever be?

with Kindness Detox..

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Kellykury
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Kellykury » Mon Jun 17, 2013 1:27 pm

Hi Detox,

*What comes up when it is read that there is absolutely no "you' in any way, shape or form, there never has been a YOU, not is thee or will there ever be?

Feels like freedom. There is a space that opens while reading and contemplating this truth. It feels right.
The funny thing is that something in there (inside) claims to be the I, with such conviction, but when I search for it, it is just not there.

Since I started reading the gatecrashers book, using the app and following the threads on the guiding area, I have been more aware when the thoughts take over and the I gets a life of its own, so it is easier to catch it before too much stress takes place. Also I’m experiencing the senses more than I ever did before. But sometimes I get myself into “no me” them as soon as I realize I try to relax and look again for the I.

That’s all I got
With appreciation
kelly

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Detox
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Detox » Tue Jun 18, 2013 7:49 am

Great - That you can see that there is nothing there when you search - but at the same time something in you is claiming to be I>

Before we continue - one request can you use the quote function - so for example when I quote something you say.. i highlight what it is - and then click quote function above - and hey presto this happens
. But sometimes I get myself into “no me” them as soon as I realize I try to relax and look again for the I.
I highlighted this -- because I'm curious how you get yourself into
'no me'
?

"When you say "I", what does that refer to in direct experience? Please describe in detail – does it have a shape? A size? A quality?"


with kindness Detox

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Kellykury
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Kellykury » Tue Jun 18, 2013 2:51 pm

Hi Detox.
I'm curious how you get yourself into 'no me'?
Throughout the day I may identify myself with some thoughts and as soon as I realise that happened I get into another thought saying but there is no I, so it can very easily just became another habit instead of really looking.
When you say "I", what does that refer to in direct experience? Please describe in detail – does it have a shape? A size? A quality?"
It refers to a thought accompanied by a feeling /sensation to back it up. No size or shape, just the feeling that it is looking through my eyes.

With apreciation
kelly

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Detox
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Detox » Wed Jun 19, 2013 4:05 am

HI Kelly this is great... Lets unpack some of this a bit - before we move on. Because it is clear that you are identifying with thoughts - although on an intellectual level you say there is no I. And what we need to do is get you to begin seeing this clearly - experiencing that there is no I. Rather than just telling yourself there is no I. Take your time with this - no need to rush. But know you are half way there - so lets look at what you said....
Throughout the day I may identify myself with some thoughts
Tell me what are these thoughts - take your time -- explore throughout your day before replying to me. What are some of the thoughts that you identify with?
It refers to a thought accompanied by a feeling /sensation to back it up. No size or shape, just the feeling that it is looking through my eyes
.

What is the feeling that is looking through your eyes?


with Kindness Detox

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Kellykury
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Kellykury » Sun Jun 23, 2013 10:50 am

Ok, so after a little wile of no communication, and breaking the agreement of writing everyday, it is time to get back on track. I'm really sorry about that and will do my best so that won't happen again.


[quote]Tell me what are these thoughts - take your time -- explore throughout your day before replying to me. What are some of the thoughts that you identify with?[quote]

Mostly the thoughts of the judgements of others Of me.

This moment in my life the story of me it is quite busy, we are moving countries, new apartment, older daughter starting school. And actually we are moving to my hausbands country, witch I had a real hard time to adjust in the beginning of the relationship. And after almost 7 years away, and having worked so hard to get where I am with friends and family relationships, I'm having difficulty on letting go of the whole story, as the hard work has finally payed off.




Since this process had started the awareness of thoughts and the senses its more clear, so, let's say a thought and an emotion come together and it makes a very convincing story, the ability to separate them and see them for what they are, this is a thought, this is an emotion ( stay for as long as you need, like a visitor). It feels so much lighter and freeing to respond this way. This is a brand new wonderful thing.


[quote]What is the feeling that is looking through your eyes?[quote]

I have Been looking and it feels like spaciousness, but it is lived as glimpses that go back and forth from spaciousness to me ( I ).

When interacting with others this spaciousness is experienced but it is like taking the temperature of the water, feet in feet out. What interrupt the flow it is the thought am I looking different? Is the person realising that something different it is happening?

Wow, things have changed so much on perception. It is already a new way of experiencing life.
Beautiful

Again thank you so much for being there
It is awesome to have someone to share all this

Much love and appreciation
Kelly

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Detox
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Detox » Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:11 pm

Kelly great to hear from you - and lets drop the story of you breaking the agreement. I just put it out into the universe and trusted in time everything would be revealed. Life happens - we have no control over that - and sometimes the internet and phone just don't work. And we have to surrender to that with grace - with no story - and let be what will be.

Can you really do your best to ensure it won't happen again?

Thank you for reconnecting - and lets hope we can continue this flow. Fantastic things are becoming more clear.

You write -
Mostly the thoughts of the judgements of others Of me.
Name the judgements and thoughts - it is good to know - use this time to be as open and honest with your self so we can get to the gate through experience rather than the intellect.

Moving countries is a great opportunity to see through the illusion of separate self. I would say that was what put me in the direction of the gate seven years ago. Nobody knows you, and no longer do we have to be what people want us to be, or what people think we are. Part of the illusion has been created by others and we feed into it, and believe it. I do remember thinking after a year of moving - oh darn the same old stuff arises no matter where I am - but this was the motor to be different with it. So you have great conditions right now

I am confused --- are you living in your country?
are you now moving to your husbands country?
My confusion is because you write -
having worked so hard to get where I am with friends and family relationships, I'm having difficulty on letting go of the whole story, as the hard work has finally payed off.

The confusion is okay - what is more important is letting go of the whole story?
What is the story you are having to let go of?
Who created the story?
Who believed in the story?
What does it feel like to let go of this story?


How does thought and emotion come together? Tell me from your own personal experience.

Thought I would leave you with the Rumi poem --- it also talks about the visitor
The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks


with kindness Detox

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Kellykury
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Re: Would love to be guided!

Postby Kellykury » Mon Jun 24, 2013 8:28 pm

Great questions, lots of realisations throughout the day.
Can you really do your best to ensure it won't happen again?
I had a good laugh with this one, touché!

Ok, so little back ground story for our entertainment.
My husband and I met in Canada while studying English, I’m Brazilian and he is Swiss.
I came to Switzerland, learned French. We got married in a year and a half. It was the hardest thing ever, leaving my country and parents behind, I’m an only child.
I got depressed, felt really unwanted and judged all the time. Then after a year and a half we moved to England, had our three children. And during those years in England my relationship to Switzerland and all the negative baggage I acquired there, was slowly transformed into very good relationships. Now I finally feel that I have a place in my husband’s family, and friends.
We are in Germany now about to move back to Switzerland as our first daughter starts school.
So that’s what I meant about the hard work has finally paid off.
And that’s the fear that arises, now that I have what I wanted so much, should I change things and maybe loose that?
And right now all this seems so unreal.
I heard Byron Katie once said on one of her talks “I am loved, everybody love me, they may not know just yet”
Right now I feel that I was wanted all along.
Mostly the thoughts of the judgements of others Of me.
Name the judgements and thoughts - it is good to know - use this time to be as open and honest with your self so we can get to the gate through experience rather than the intellect.
That, I am lazy and not enough.


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