Looking for a guide

[bluejohns]

Hi there,

I am looking for a guide to help me see clearly and truly. My interest lies in knowing the Truth.

The mind is generally quite clear.

Many thanks,

John

[Patrick]

Hi John, welcome.

What are your expectations about seeing that the I is an illusion?

[bluejohns]

To live in the truth, free from psychological suffering.

Expectations would be a subtle, final shift of perspective to the realisation of the illusion.

[bluejohns]

Perhaps another way to put it would be to experience life completely non-conceptually. Directly, in the flow, without fear.

[Patrick]

What do you fear now?

[bluejohns]

I think I used that more as a turn of phrase. I'm finding it difficult to say with any certainty that there is anything I fear. I do feel tired of seeking though. I want to be at rest.

[bluejohns]

I feel like I fluctuate. Sometimes I'm in the story, sometimes I'm not. I find it annoying and frustrating. I would love it if you could help me see through? I feel quite desperate, exhausted somehow.

[Patrick]

What are you when you are not the story?
How does this feel?

[bluejohns]

It feels light. I get it quite often in conversation with other truth-seekers. It is a sense of everything carrying on but without the element of personal ownership. As if I am watching things rather than directing. It feels natural, the most natural.

[bluejohns]

Sorry, I didn't answer what am I at those times. I would have to say I do not know. I am but I don't know what I am.

[Patrick]

Is this I AM a state that is coming and going?
Is there the feeling to be a silent Witness?

[bluejohns]

It would probably be truer to say that the sense I AM is always here but sometimes gets obscured by association with thoughts and emotions. Yes there is sometimes this sense of being a silent witness.

[Patrick]

Taste something sweet:
While tasting is there a witness present in the tastebuds or does this tasting happens by itself?
Do you see the labeling thoughts like ‘sweet’, ‘I like this’, ‘more of this’, coming after the tasting?

[bluejohns]

I am trying to do it slowly and see what happens. (A great excuse to eat more sweets).

I feel the sensation of a sweet in my mouth, I crunch it with my teeth, I sense a taste perception (it happens to be chocolately) and I recognise the taste.

From what I can observe there does not seem to be any commentary or labeling happening.

But I think there is a low-level sense that 'I am experiencing this sweet'.

[bluejohns]

I've realised what I'm afraid of. That if I really look honestly, I'll be disappointed at what I find, or that it won't be what I'm looking for. I have been afraid to be completely honest in case of disappointment. A kind of self-protective measure.