Asking for guidance

[mukti_99]

Hello to receiver of this post and thank you in advance to anybody who is going to accept this guideness.
Have met a guy, who has recommended your forum and has shared his experience with this work here, what has pulled me directly in.

My name is Mukti. Quite some years (around 8) "in urgent search" for Truth. Have spent some time with Ramana Maharshi's teaching at Arunachala, read many books from other teachers like Nisergadatta, Papaji, Robert Adams, Adyashanti, Jac O'Keeffe, Mooji... have participated many many silent retreats and Satsangs with other teachers, spent quite some time inside 3 years close to teacher (he gave me this name too).... there hes been many different glimpses, insights though illusion, matrix, but they have passed, so just experiences. The very last experience from 1 year ago, which lasted around one month has been totally different from anything before. I felt it can not pass, or better, doesn't matter even, because for whom it will pass anyway? Experience of life lived through this form without anybody inside living it, still with all habits and even reactions of character, but with not so much "juice" in them or lasted short time and seeing them as the same value as other movements. Noticing how attention was moving from personal to vastness, "forgetting" and "remembering" has happened but to nobody. And all was happening in the movie of life, unfolding by itself and fully alive in the same time.
After that a kind of illness in the body came, lost of energy, heaviness...as body experience and believe of being somebody here became slowly back alive and believed.

After half of year of recovery, I've got a pull (after many years again) a bit to look into believes about myself. And found a kind of structure of mind working, patterns, connections... so became aware of some of them and now can be more patient, acceptable with "myself"....

Let it be enough of the story, aaccepting all agreements and rules of forum, feel ready for your turn.
Warm regards,mukti

[richardcooper2k]

Hi Mukti
I will guide you if you would like.
If you would prefer a guide in a different language i can ask if one is available.

Could you just confirm you have seen/ read through these :

our disclaimer and a short video too.
http://www.liberationunleashed.com/

There are a few ground rules, please respond to confirm:
1. You agree to post at least once a day.
2. In general, the guide will ask the questions for you to respond to
3. Responses require your utmost honesty
4. Responses are best from direct experience (felt senses and observed thoughts). Longwinded
analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress.
5. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies and such for the remainder of this investigation.
Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily and
essential meditation practice, it is fine to continue that.
6. Please learn to use the quote function; instructions are located in the link below this line:
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660”

Could you explain what your expectations are from this process ?

[mukti_99]

Hi Richard,
thank you for your offering of guidance, yes I'm very much for it.
My first language is Slovenian. Usually can come through with English too, just asking maybe for some patience around this.

Yes, I confirm that has seen/read all mentioned, disclaimer, a short video and rules.

Expectations: breaking illusion of being somebody here inside the body mind system. To see thoughts as thoughts, feelings as feelings and not to put any believes or meaning any stories on them. Honestly looking might be relying on described last experience - not grabbing it back, but still wishing unburdening of being responsible in the life. There I don't expect any less problems or easier way of living, but less contraction and limitation to person.

This is what comes now to say,
thank you and looking forward for your reply,
mukti

[richardcooper2k]

Hi mukti

If you click on subscribe topic at the bottom of the page you will get an e-mail notification when i post

Your expectations sound very realistic but bear in mind these are thoughts.

So what is stopping you realizing this ?
Please look into your experience to answer this rather than giving a "thought out" answer if you can

[mukti_99]

Sorry only now today by comp and thanks for this pointing. Yes please help to empty this mind of "right answers".
What is stopping...?
I think that one of the main "burden" in mind is a kind of "responsibility". The need to do my the best in any ways, levels, manners, feeding the root believe about myself that "I can not". So therefore overloaded with work, mainly for free, all the time, never resting and hardly taking a time for any pleasure or even just to sit (or meditate). In this way feeding again and again this root believe.. does it make sense?

[richardcooper2k]

No rush - i just wanted to make life easier

Giving up the idea i should behave ethically was one of the hardest things to let go of for me. To let go of the feeling of responsibility......I should do this, i should be doing that......

But......has ANYONE EVER behaved ethically ?
Is there anything to behave ethically or be responsible ?
Or do thoughts and feelings arise, actions get done or not get done, without any "me" doing them ?

[mukti_99]

Yes, as you said.... about behaviour.

must say yes, it is basically so - the packet of thoughts, feelings and then (no)action
will put closely attention on this next days. I can notice now how I have been comparing experience in daily life with experiences of "better periods" when the gap between thoughts, feelings and action seemed much bigger, or even action seemed to arise from no really motivation...
Therefore I was use to think that if "observer" is not mainly present, then this is a total illusion, it is "me" deluded here. But at the moment it seems not really like that. More like it is same - same, just observer is not present...

[richardcooper2k]

I can notice now how I have been comparing experience in daily life with experiences of "better periods" when the gap between thoughts, feelings and action seemed much bigger, or even action seemed to arise from no really motivation...

Good, we are interested in what is common to BOTH these periods rather than what is different.
We are not in control of what thoughts, feelings and actions arise.

Therefore I was use to think that if "observer" is not mainly present, then this is a total illusion, it is "me" deluded here. But at the moment it seems not really like that. More like it is same - same, just observer is not present...

We are not in control of this either AND like you are seeing it is not necessary for seeing to happen.

Is there anything to be contracted or limited ?
Or does life flow on regardless ?

[mukti_99]

Is there anything to be contracted or limited ?

:)))
can only shamefaced laugh by this question "Is there anything to be contracted or limited ?" at the moment
this expression can come then only from commenting on the base of feelings, which arise by not accepting usually "not liked" actions or states and then playing the victim of deluded one? another bundle of thoughts?

Or does life flow on regardless ?

hmmm seems so at the moment, controler has a holiday at the moment
so no comparing, just seeing how it works?

[richardcooper2k]

can only shamefaced laugh by this question "Is there anything to be contracted or limited ?" at the moment
this expression can come then only from commenting on the base of feelings, which arise by not accepting usually "not liked" actions or states and then playing the victim of deluded one? another bundle of thoughts?

Is there anything that doesn't accept ?
Can a thought think ?
Can you find a causal relationship between thoughts and feelings or do they just "appear" to follow on from one another ?

Or does life flow on regardless ?


hmmm seems so at the moment, controler has a holiday at the moment
so no comparing, just seeing how it works?

Is this not the case ALL the time ? - there is only the illusion of controller when it arises ?
Seeing this is what liberates from dependence on states, thoughts and feelings
It's the cosmic joke, right under your nose !

[mukti_99]

hello richard tonight,

I feel as total failure. can see when you pointing, how identification as being somebody is hiding in each statement.
yes, there is all the time a play with acceptance( or not acceptance) unconsciously running.
appearing controller as you say, but it is functioning as somebody here

Please help to get this cosmic joke!

[richardcooper2k]

Hi Mukti

I don't think you are a failure, i think you already see !
Feelings and thoughts arise to no one. Can you find anything apart from them and a body ?
I am not pointing to identification, i am pointing to nothing.
Look and see. Can you find anything other than life happening ?
You already know acceptance and controller are just projected onto thoughts and feelings that are arising.
Look in your own experience and see

Big love and respect
Richard

[mukti_99]

Thank you Richard for encouragement, although here is... tough experience.
I see, but I don't see yet really :(
Yes, will stay with this looking and then come back.
In gratefulness and love,
mukti

[richardcooper2k]

What do you see and
What do you doubt ?
What is tough experience ?

[mukti_99]

yes, tough experience is labelling of unpleasant feelings in the body and thoughts about them and then next and next and next thoughts running, listening to them, giving a meaning to them... getting a story already... and feels like somebody is here to listen all those crap... hmmm yes, can be just a "feeling of somebody" by itself, nobody having it. this part is more known in a head then really experienced ! and here is not clear.

when following (listening to) thoughts stops, then can only see again how it all works... it seems still waiting for a kind of non-stop operating "observing mode"
even so, this waiting is again a piece of life unfolding... hmmm, nobody waiting.
ajajaj.... rolling around and around :)