Thank you Mark, and I applaud your return to the forum here - you must really have a big itch you want to scratch!
Apparently I do.
Thanks also for providing links to your previous threads. I'm not going to look at them however as PAST is PASSED, and it has no bearing on what we will do here - a fresh start, a new beginning!
Once again, thanks for having the courage to jump in a third time (this will be your final time by the way), much love, Paulo :-)
I so appreciate your enthusiasm!
Firstly, let's look at your CURRENT expectations around the idea of seeing through the illusion of self -
Write down five things you expect from this process.
Well, perhaps not so co-incidentally, I just read an article about expectations
, so that seems a great place to start.
Im going to just list them, even though there's a part of me that "knows" some of there expectations are silly or wishes they weren't there in at all.
- most obviously (to me) -- im expecting some sort of direct experience , hopefully centered around the realization that there is no self. I'm not really sure what that would even feel like. But i keep comparing the feeling of "there is no self" and "there is no santa claus". I feel differently about those statements, so i seem to be expecting this process to bring that same sort of direct experience / realization
- i'm expecting to fail at this process. this one surprised me when i stumbled on it earlier today. How sad. :( I'd like to turn that around.
- I'm expecting the direct experience (1) to be sudden and click/ding/light-bulb-turning-on. This is how people tend to describe "it"
- I'm expecting to have to "work" at it, tho im not sure exactly what I mean by work .. take a long time on the calendar? involve lots of thinking? lots of observing?
- I'm expecting to "know it" when it happens. There's so little things that I feel so confident / unshaken about, i think that's one of the attractions of this process for me.. to have a realization that goes deep and feels unshakable.
of course, after writing all those down, i feel like i could counter-argue them all, but i'll resist the urge to over-think / over-process your question.
Write down five ways you think your life will change (if at all).
- the gateless gatecrashers talks about being in the flow. I think that would be a change in how i live my life .. fighting vs flowing
- i'd expect that, if not immediately, eventually things might be less stressful. I'm still human so some amount of reaction is expected, but perhaps the self-generated stress can be lessened.
- i've also heard the phrase "before enlightenment - chop wood. after enlightenment - chop wood" which seems to say that there's not really a change, maybe just a shift in perception.
- i think my life will be different somehow, and my unspoken assumption is that it would change for the better. i cant imagine wanting it to get worse
my gf and I just talked about this and read my answers with me and offered the opinion that im super-over-thinking this. I feel that's my biggest challenge, i see that i hide behind alot of brain and thoughts and words and concepts. Im not sure where all the fear comes from when talking about this.