Mind that loves to philosophize and grab on to concepts and experiences

[ajef]

Hi Stacy. I'm still looking daily, meditating most of the day every single day. There is a peace in the mediation, and a feeling of "being overtaken" by the various sensations. However seems like I'm still living in mind concepts, because the sensations seems to be appearing in different parts of the body and it feels like they are happining within a container. Tried the other exercise now.

1) How many things do you find? Are there two things (hand and desk) or is there one thing – AE of sensation.

With eyes closed: one sensation + concept/belief of it being two things.

2) Do you notice 'one thing feeling another thing'? Or is there just 'a sensation'?

Immediately feels like one thing feeling another thing, but open real reflection I can see that its just sensation.

3) Do you find an 'I', a body, a hand 'feeling' . . . or is there just 'a sensation'?

Just sensation.

Look very carefully. Where does ‘feeling’ end and Sensation begin? Can a dividing line between ‘feeling’ and sensation be found? Or is there just sensation?

There different textures of sensation seems to create a concept of a diving line that is still has a strong pull to it.

Can a ‘feeler’ ever be found in 'what is being felt' – AE sensation?

Looking for it. Seems like there is, but can't find it.

If that is all, and no INHERENT FEELER is found . . . would anything that is suggested as the feeler be other than a concept/idea/thought?

Its a concept, idea or thought.

You can try this with your eyes open. If you can let go of the "separate hand" story, it can be very interesting.

When I open my eyes, the lines and divitions seems even more apparant. Its like the different colours or textures in the visual field, creates different objects. I can see that this is just an illusion kind of, but the thing now is that I can't seem to see it any different, if that makes sense?
It like when I look at the desk, all I see is hand and desk. + feeling of frustration, of not getting it/not seeing clearly.

Hope you're well and wishing you a good easter!

With love,
Anna

[Anastacia42]

Hi Anna

Sorry, there are no bonus points for meditating all day. You only need a moment of clear looking.

RELAX. You must be relaxed for seeing to arise. You cannot think your way through this.

Where are you with these?

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ksba3zhi9uuz ... hsk1a?dl=0

Loving

[ajef]

Where are you with these?

I've listened through all of them. Doing mostly the one on thoughts and seeing where they are coming from.

Sorry, there are no bonus points for meditating all day. You only need a moment of clear looking.

Yes, good point. I stepped up the mediation game to specifically look out for thoughts to try to detangle from identification with them. But might be putting too much effort, not sure.

When I look for an "I", or an observer, I see that its just a thought. Confusion is more on the sensations, experiencing lots of pressure, swirling, waves of energy, twitching, coolness, etc lots of interesting sensations, but they seem to be within certain boundries of a un-namable container (labelled as the body).

With love
Anna

[Anastacia42]

"Confusion" is thinking. Why are you paying it any attention? Ignore it. Sit in it. But recognize it is only a label, another thought.

Don't let it distract you from Actual Direct Experience.

Here is an anxiety exercise that focuses a person in the present, and in a part of the brain that cannot do anxiety. Basically, go through each sense and say (or think) "I see/ hear/ feel/ taste/ touch ______________." A minute or two of each and usually anxiety is gone.

We're going to use it to focus you in this moment without extraneous labels & thoughts.

I see the couch.
I see the keyboard.
I see the glass. Etc.

I hear the train.
I hear the keys clacking.
I hear my breath. Etc.

I feel the couch under my butt.
I feel my fingers on the keys.
I feel the cold air. Etc.

I taste a metallic taste in my mouth.
I taste the coffee.
I taste the food. Etc.

I smell the humidity in the air.
I smell my husband's shampoo.
I smell the soap. Etc.

As far as I can tell, the only time this doesn't work is when someone won't do it.

Loving,

[ajef]

Hi. Great exercise, I just did it now.
Sorry, I see that I did not give sufficient information in my last message. The confusion only comes up because my mind is still hung up on the boundry exercise from before. Sensations, experiencing lots of pressure, swirling, waves of energy, twitching, coolness, etc lots of interesting sensations, but they seem to be within certain boundries of a un-namable container (labelled as the body).

So I think the sensations are fine as they are, but the boundry and feeling of inside/outside is still there, and then I have an idea about that it should not be there, that "pressure is a lie" etc, causing some kind of confusion/distrust in my experience. So I think just I have to let go of that exercise, ironically it gets me more in my head which is probably not the purpose.

Will keep doing just the last one you sent instead, thank you.

With love,
Anna

[Anastacia42]

Anna, they don't disappear in a puff of smoke.

It is very much like when you learned that Santa Claus was a man in a red suit. From then on you could see the red suit and the man in it and know it was not anything like you used to think Santa Claus was. You were never fooled again.

Same thing.

Santa Claus did not disappear. He still puts the red suit on once a year. But you know it's a man and not some mythical character.

Try this one:

Explore ‘Sense of Self’

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken.

This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

You don't have to do them again, but LOOK. What do they point to? [/color]

Loving,

[ajef]

Hi Stacy. Thank you. I think I'm starting to feel more the difference between direct sensations and thoughts. Thoughts seem to comment on, or happen simultantiously, as other direct sense experiences. But feeling in to what you said about it not all going away immediately and the santa claus metaphor.

Does the sense of self have a location?

No.

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

No.

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

Not that I pick up.

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

Not sure.

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

Its made of sensation + thought attatched to it.

What is found?

I can't seem to find anything concrete or solid, or substantial or something I can put words to. "something" is here, but its not anywhere to be found lol.

You don't have to do them again, but LOOK. What do they point to? [/color]

Referring to last exercise. They point to that there is a difference between direct sensing and thoughts.

With love,
Anna

[Anastacia42]

Yes. You've got it.

How does it FEEL to see this?


Loving

[ajef]

How does it FEEL to see this?

In this moment, there is tingelling/pressure/swirling energy moving at top of head area and in the face. And pressure pangs in the chest.
Emotion wise its rather calm, neutral emotional state.

Thought: I suspect that sensations of pressures/contractions thats here is just old emotions or held energy patterns coming up, although I cannot be too sure of course. But its literally almost daily sobbing happening for months now. These sensations are clearly there simultaniously as I focus on the 5 senses, or look for a self and not find anything.

With love,
Anna

[Anastacia42]

Hi,

Sobbing? I don't think I knew that. Sadness happens when we want things different or argue with "what is."

Focus on your gut feelings. Contraction? Or expansion?

Loving,

[ajef]

Hi Stacy. Nothing is making sense to me anymore.

Sobbing? I don't think I knew that.

Sadness happens when we want things different or argue with "what is."

Wait. Is this not using thought to describe an experience?
I'm not even sure if the sobbing is sadness. Sometimes it might be. Sometimes it has a flavour of guilt, frustration, the whole spectrum. I've supressed feelings for many years, I feel thats why its coming up. I might be wrong. Sometimes it seems to happen out of the blue, sometimes seemingly because of thoughts. Yes there been many unusual phenomena happening here for nearly 6 months, lots of vomiting, burping, energy movements etc, and life as I knew it all collapsing, feeling like I'm going of the map totally. None of it is pathologic though.

Focus on your gut feelings.

Contraction? Or expansion?

I'm not sure if these labels are making sense to me. I don't know if its contraction or expansion. I really don't know.

I really think that the "process" is unfolding, and has been for a while, but due to the intensity of it the doubt is lingering "have I even seen through the self", "are you sure" etc. Thoughts about this.

Thank you for sticking with me. I'm really grateful for it. I'm just really not sure if these questions are making things more clear, or more confusing for me. I think both are true simultaniously. Its getting really weird and amazing at the same time.

With love,
Anna

[Anastacia42]

Good morning

I don't know what to say about any physical symptoms you may be experiencing and whether or not they're related to our process.

But I can see that if you're in a lot of physical distress it can be hard to find the expansion and contraction Feeling of The Truth and Lie sense.

I am not sure what more to suggest and you do have plenty that you can work on.

I do hope all of this subsides and you're able to relax because the only way you're going to see is when you're relaxed.

Loving

[ajef]

Hi Stacy. I just wanted to come and saythank you for your guiding and support. I really appreciate you taking time to do this. Yes I do have a lot of resources to work on and I trust the unfolding of the process from here.
Hope you have a good easter and settling in your new home.
All the best.
With love,
Anna

[Anastacia42]

You're welcome & thank you.

I ask you to post at least every other day so I can guide you based on whatever you say.

Which pointers are you working on right now?

When you get to the point that you are seeing that there is no self there are some questions that we ask and we share them with other guides to review and make sure we didn't miss anything.

Loving,

[ajef]

Hi. I feel its time to end this exchange. I have truly appreciated it, but I am experiencing some very "unusal" sensations/kundalini stuff and as we discussed some of the body stuff makes it hard to even describe the experience, and also the language about lies, sensations, boundries etc just doesn't make sense to me. Its getting more and more energetic and hard to talk about, and from here I need to just go with the intuition and maybe work with someone in person. I feel the process has started and fully trust it, even though I don't understand this language of seeing through self or not.
I will keep working on some of the resources, I found the meditations you sent especially helpful and some of the videoes. Also the discerning difference between pure sensing and thoughts has been hugely benefitial.
Blessings.
With love,
Anna