Would love guidance for seeing no self more clearly

[ostrich]

Is ‘awareness’ a word that labels anything? Is it necessary?

yes it's a label for part of my experience. it's not necessary

If everything is there what is left out?

I don't think anything is left out.

Is awareness merely a thought that acts as some sort of mental buffer for what simply is? Is anything (or everything) actually one step removed?

hm... it does feel like a thought that is acting as some sort of mental buffer. It feels like I have some expectation of what being more aware should feel like and "I" am trying to replicate it. But that actually adds a step and some effort. I think it's prevent me from seeing what simply is.

[graceabounds]

it does feel like a thought that is acting as some sort of mental buffer. It feels like I have some expectation of what being more aware should feel like and "I" am trying to replicate it. But that actually adds a step and some effort. I think it's prevent me from seeing what simply is.

Precisely. Though in that last sentence saying it is preventing me personifies it in a way that doesn’t support in seeing.

So what, right now, simply is?

What is here without any effort?

Look around… What is here now?

[ostrich]

So what, right now, simply is?

sensations, thoughts, feelings, sounds

What is here without any effort?

I don't feel like I'm able to not apply any effort. It feels like there's a bit of effort, a bit of wanting things to be different, a bit of a resistance to what is here.

Look around… What is here now?

not exactly sure how to answer this question. There are images, sounds, sensations, feelings, thoughts

[graceabounds]

What is here without any effort?

I don't feel like I'm able to not apply any effort. It feels like there's a bit of effort, a bit of wanting things to be different, a bit of a resistance to what is here.

Look around… What is here now?

not exactly sure how to answer this question. There are images, sounds, sensations, feelings, thoughts

Let's look at these in combination...
What is in direct experience right now? Does direct experience require effort? Or someone to manage it?
Wanting things to be different happens afterwards does it not? And resistance?

[ostrich]

What is in direct experience right now? Does direct experience require effort? Or someone to manage it?

Sensations, thoughts and feelings. No it doesn't require any effort or someone to manage it. It just happens.

Wanting things to be different happens afterwards does it not? And resistance?

Good point, that does happen afterwards. The resistance seems to be a thought about what has happened.

[graceabounds]

The resistance seems to be a thought about what has happened

Ah.
So there is no self in the moment of happening?
There is just what happens?

If the moment is already gone before it’s even noticed, what does that say about choice?
About intention? About control?

So is there any you that makes anything happen? Or a who that could be responsible for it?

Drop in.
What right now is appearing in ‘sensation’?

[ostrich]

So there is no self in the moment of happening?
There is just what happens?

yes and yes

If the moment is already gone before it’s even noticed, what does that say about choice?
About intention? About control?

they are simply thoughts about what is happening. it seems like there is no choice, intention or control?

So is there any you that makes anything happen? Or a who that could be responsible for it?

no, there isn't a you that makes anything happen. as far as I can tell I can't find a who

Drop in.
What right now is appearing in ‘sensation’?

not sure if I'm understanding this correctly. there isn't anything appearing in 'sensation'.

[graceabounds]

it seems like there is no choice, intention or control?

Go a day or two, take a look, and report back…


Notice what happens in the body (direct experience) and what happens in the content of thought during this investigation.

[ostrich]

Go a day or two, take a look, and report back…


Notice what happens in the body (direct experience) and what happens in the content of thought during this investigation.

When I investigate it feels like there's an acceptance that there's no choice, intention or control. My mind quiets down, there's less thinking and thoughts, and there's more ease. Body feels a bit more relaxed.

[graceabounds]

From this space, is there I?

[ostrich]

no, it doesn't feel like there is an I

[graceabounds]

:)

How is it to see this? How does it feel?

[ostrich]

There's a lot of calm and a sense of freedom and peace

My sense is that as long as I'm not overwhelmed with what's going on in life, I'm able to access this (given the right conditions). I think I have been here quite few times over the past few weeks. I do notice that there is a bit of clinging and wanting to always be in this state.

I'm going on a weeklong silent meditation retreat with no access to electronics starting tomorrow so I won't be able to respond for about a week.

[graceabounds]

Is there a self structure in control of accessing or not accessing something? Whose actions could cause something to stay or go?

Find the one who is ‘in’ a state.

:)

Have a nice retreat. Check in when you return and let’s see what remains to look into.

[graceabounds]

Just checking in. :)

How have things settled in the past couple of months?

Much love,
Becca